Hey Mom, I hear there is some sort of day that happens every year that is supposed to honor you. I forgot to give you a gift all those years and stuff, so I’m gonna do the least best thing. I’m going to resend out this post I did like 4 years ago, because you know, effort. So here you go. Just pretend this is like is a sentimental card, or photo album and I put a lot of effort into it. Love, Your Bitter son, Ben
I’ve noticed around the Blogimunity, facebook (facebook doesn’t get a capital letter), and Twitter that many people have been saying really nice things about their moms. It seems like that there has been a simultaneous, worldwide niceness towards moms. I guess everyone has just been really sentimental towards their moms and for that I say what is going on here? I guess since I like to copy everyone else, because I am not original at all, I would like to tell you some bitter things about my mom.
She raised 4 wonderful children and one really bitter one. She was a pretty important part of my survival, but I am kind of bitter that I had to spend 9 months comfortably inside her belly eating whatever she ate (why couldn’t she have eaten more pizza?). I am also bitter that I had to spend 18 years living comfortably in her and my dads house, eating their food, living in their house for free, and accepting their charity of clothes, gadgets, presents, and hugs (How am I supposed to be bitter when you are hugging me all the time?).
She barely ever made me do the dishes and she only embarrassed me every once in a while by doing Russian dances in Nordstrom’s while buying me clothes. Why couldn’t she neglect me and make me suffer like other mothers? While many people can claim that they got all of their good traits from their moms, I cannot do so. She was never bitter, or angry and never complained about having to deal with 4 good children and one bitter one. I can wholeheartedly say that I got none of my bitterness from her and for that I have much bitterness. I had to cultivate and grow this trait on my own, with no help from her.
So I wish you a bitter day mom. Could you be bitter just once? I didn’t think you could. Have your “good” day then.
Your Bitter Son Ben