The Bitter Edit Button

 

If you’ve had any chance to view my blog at all, you know part of the deal is all the errors. I am constantly misspelling wurds, making really terrible transitions, and making all kinds of false claims that can’t be verified.

It must be a constant annoyance all you bitter followers that are forced to read this stuff.  Whether it is because you committed to study this for a class (true story, though you will have to verify), or you followed this blog by mistake while trying to follow someone better, it must be like having a gnat buzz your ear.  I bet there are English teachers out there with red pens marks all over their laptops. I don’t blame them. Sometimes when I actually come back and read some of this garbage (pronounced gar baazhh), I even cringe. I wish I could go back and edit the crap out of it, but I can’t, because there is no such thing.

They have computers that write things now?

What? There is such a thing? Oh, you mean you can erase things you’ve typed on your typewriters? How do you guys make it look okay with all the whiteout? Oh, you have a Word processor? But how do you afford to buy one of those things? Those things are included on your computer? I’m so bitter right now.

Anyways, I just think it would be nice if people had an edit button. I understand that humans need to communicate with you for a few reasons like, “Hey Pizza is here!” or “Watch out! Someone is swinging a baseball bat at your head!”, but what is the reason for all the unnecessary communications like, “Tell me about yourself,” or “Let’s go somewhere,” when Netflix and video games are both in plentiful supply.

And for the love of all that is bitter and unholy, if I have a meeting that is scheduled (the meeting is bad enough) for 2 pm and it is 1 pm and you know I need to go soon, why do you think it is necessary to talk to me until 1:05 pm? You know I have some things to do to get ready for the meeting right? I have many gifs to get ready for my blog, I have YouTube videos to watch for research purposes and basketball highlights to watch. I don’t need your conversation mucking up all my prep time.

I’m doing my research for the meeting!

And for the dislike of Pete, can we put the edit button on when it is 4:45 pm? I have to get my speedy sneakers laced up so the second hand on a the clock doesn’t make it to 5:00:01 before I am safely outside the building and well on my way home.

So, let’s get the old edit button invented for all the extro’s that don’t understand the value of words and spew out all the unnecessary ones by giving them their very own, specially gift wrapped Edit Button TM so they can give us some peace.

ARRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Ed. Butt. Ben

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32 thoughts on “The Bitter Edit Button

    • I agree. Creative grammar is what we should all use. Who was in charge of coming up with all the rules for it anyways?
      I’m glad you understood the Dislike of Pete. Sometimes I go a little too far with the bitterness and people get lost.

      Like

  1. I’m not gonna lie, I am Judgy McJudgerson when it comes to grammar and spelling. That’s why i can only manage to do one post a week. It’s like OCD. But you make a valid point. Some people need to come with an edit button in real life. I’m one of those people. The other day someone thought I was younger than I am and I said, “No, I am ancient! I’m like 52!” And then I saw a 50-something woman standing behind that person looking at me with a very unsmiling expression. EDIT!

    Like

  2. I do the same thing. I put something out then read it a couple minutes later, throwing in edits all over the place. I think it’s the danger of having to put stuff out regularly.

    Liked by 1 person

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