I've spent the last 49 years cultivating a wit so sharp that onions cry when I cut them. Ninja's use my wit to sharpen their blades. Comedians wear ski masks and avoid detection from my brain's security system just to steal jokes from me. I feel like Usain Bolt slowing down for a turtle when … Continue reading Man’s Search for Comedy
Creative
Office Drone Bitter Friday Giftures
Since I like to avoid people as much as possible, I started watching YouTube videos on my headphones at work, so I could zone people out. One of the Youtubers I started watching was Casey Neistat. Some people might know him for a few viral videos he made, but he was mostly popular because he … Continue reading Office Drone Bitter Friday Giftures
Thunder Thighs Bitter Friday Giftures
There is a popular song out right now called Victoria's Secret by a singer named Jax. If you've never heard it, or paid attention to the lyrics (which I almost never do), it's basically a parody about all the things that Victoria's Secret "teaches" society about what women should look like. In one of the … Continue reading Thunder Thighs Bitter Friday Giftures
Scouts Make Me Shout Bitterness
When I was young, I loved the Transformers. Coming home to watch the Transformers was my reward for making it through a hard 6-hour day of school. One of my favorite characters was the advanced scout, Mirage, because he could turn invisible and would warn the Autobots of an early attack by Decepticons. I must … Continue reading Scouts Make Me Shout Bitterness
48 Things I’m Bitter About
Mirrors are such liars. I wake up every morning knowing that I am handsome and funny like Steve Carell, but as soon as I look in the mirror, I see this strange, weird, bitter older looking guy. So they are pretty useless and bad liars. It's this time of year, that I finally realize that … Continue reading 48 Things I’m Bitter About
April Fool Bitter Friday Giftures
Other than the my birthday and Christmas, April Fool's Day is probably my favorite day of the year. It was especially awesome back in the day when the company I worked for had year end on March 31st, which meant we often had to stay until really late pretending to work or something. So the … Continue reading April Fool Bitter Friday Giftures
Bitter Book Bitterness
Recently, I did a blog post about the fact that I've been blogging for 9 years now. Which seems crazy, because I barely have the attention span of a gnat. This blog is older than most gnats. Except for that gnat that looks like Prince Phillip. You might think that I've done nothing else in … Continue reading Bitter Book Bitterness
DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
The reason I know that I was meant to live in this period of history, is because this is the best time period to be lazy. Imagine me trying to get away with being lazy in Jurassic Park era. As soon as I decided that I wanted to hang out in the cave, I would … Continue reading DeepFake Bitter Friday Giftures
Selling a Piece of History Bitter Friday Giftures
For anyone who read my blog post on Tuesday, I promised a big announcement and since I am really good at disappointing all of you, here it is. But before I announce it let's get some context. You see, in recent days, something weird has taken over the news. You might have seen it in … Continue reading Selling a Piece of History Bitter Friday Giftures
My Bitter Blog is a 4th Grader
Interruption in the beginning of the blog because nobody reads past the first sentence. I will be making a big announcement on this blog on Friday. Now, back to the beginning of the blog post. Technically, this blog started 48 years ago, when my dad and mom looked at each other and said "Okay, I … Continue reading My Bitter Blog is a 4th Grader
Download Bitter Friday Giftures
We are all downloading something these days. Sometimes it takes a long time, other times just a second or two, depending on the speed of your connection and how big the download is. Some of them take up a whole lot of your hard drive space, and others just a tiny little bit. Back in … Continue reading Download Bitter Friday Giftures
Pillow Bitter Friday Giftures
I cannot sleep! Yesterday during my typical 3 pm lull, I was struggling to doze off. As a late 40's guy, I've never struggled to get at least 15 winks here and there at the computer, while pretending to do work, but lately it's been a struggle bus. It would be easy to blame things … Continue reading Pillow Bitter Friday Giftures
Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures
I've always been a big advocate of people leaving me alone. One of my best defenses against people talking to me was this marvelous invention called headphones. When people see them on me, they should assume that I am listening to something of utmost importance, even if I'm only listening to a goofy podcast, or … Continue reading Headphone Bitter Friday Giftures
Racing Trains Bitter Friday Giftures
Remember the end of the original The Fast and the Furious movie where Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were racing and they were being chased by the cops? They ended up racing against a train and barely avoided getting hit by it. Well, you can now call me the Fast and the Bitter. Well, that … Continue reading Racing Trains Bitter Friday Giftures
Cartoonish Behavior Bitter Friday Giftures
Last week I talked about when I was a kid and how people were always trying to get me to go play more sports. I guess sports were supposed to teach me about getting in shape, working with a bunch of other people and following rules or something. As you can see, all those things … Continue reading Cartoonish Behavior Bitter Friday Giftures
Come out and Play Bitter Friday Giftures
When I was in 3rd and 4th grade, I was a fairly athletic and yet very lazy person. The neighborhood kids at my school always wanted to play football after school and would call a bunch of people to come play. When I was done with school all I wanted to do was come home … Continue reading Come out and Play Bitter Friday Giftures
Broken Record Bitter Friday Giftures
Have you ever noticed that your life seems like a broken record? Hold on. Let's back up a little here first. What is a broken record? If you are under 25 do you even know what a record is? If you don't, it is a really large CD, which, wait, you probably don't know what … Continue reading Broken Record Bitter Friday Giftures
Statistical Nightmare Bitterness
Hey guys, having a good start to 2021? Me? Not so much. In fact, I have a beef to pick with you guys and it has a lot to do with the statistics on this blog. I know that statistics can be skewed quite a bit, especially in favor of the guy that is making … Continue reading Statistical Nightmare Bitterness
M. A. D. Principle Bitter Friday Giftures
It would seem rather grim that I'm writing about the M.A.D. Principle one week before Christmas, but I'm not a Hallmark movie, so I'm not preparing for the big Christmas festival with gingerbread making contests and Christmas scavenger hunts. I'm just a regular bitter person that want to talk about the M.A.D. syndrome or Mutually … Continue reading M. A. D. Principle Bitter Friday Giftures
The Great Equalizer Bitter Friday Giftures
There is a video that I saw on Facebook that I saw quite a while ago that has stuck with me for some time. It was last year and it was a comedic video about how much Disney dominated the world of entertainment and now they were going to take on Netflix with Disney+. It … Continue reading The Great Equalizer Bitter Friday Giftures
Ben's Bitter Blog 