Interruption in the beginning of the blog because nobody reads past the first sentence. I will be making a big announcement on this blog on Friday. Now, back to the beginning of the blog post.

Technically, this blog started 48 years ago, when my dad and mom looked at each other and said “Okay, I guess.” Nine months later, I was born and I came out bitter and screaming that I wasn’t allowed to stay in my warm environment any longer. Ever since then, I’ve been bitter not only about all the bad and unfair things that have happened to me, but about all the good and mundane things as well.

Everything from being the oldest son, but not the oldest child, to one of my brothers and sisters getting more cereal than I did. An optimist is always able to see the good in every situation and a pessimist is always able to see the negative side of things, but I am always able to see bitter in everything.

There were the times I was forced to move, either from the city we were living in, or from the house we were living in, or having to move off the couch to do something. I’ve been always been able to find something to be bitter about.

There were times when I had to try something new. Either meeting a new person, getting a new job, or trying a hamburger with a little bit of mustard on it.

Then there were the people. The teacher that made us introduce ourselves or a boss making me stay a little bit late, or a Karen that was trying to ask for a little mustard on her hamburger.

Then there were the cars. The 12 speeding tickets. The car that gushed green liquids all over the highway midway through an ill-advised early Christmas Day trip in my jammies, to the multiple Volkswagen Beetles my mother made us drive, to the multiple cars that had engines that needed to be replaced.

If you have a kid in 4th grade, he or she is just as old as my blog is. 9 months and nine years ago, the tiniest bubble of thought formed in my head about writing a bitter blog. It percolated and ruminated there for 9 months, until 9 years ago today, it was born. I finally put finger to keyboard and wrote down my first bitter post on March 9th, 2012.

This blog is just as immature as a 9 year old, because it tells dumb jokes, still throws tantrums at the slightest annoyance and just wants to play video games all night and sleep all day. And it still doesn’t want to do its math homework.

And the worst part is that you have to make a big deal of it today, and give it lots of presents, because today is it’s birthday and if you don’t they will freak out and make your life even more miserable. So if you have a nine year old, and you are experiencing pain with them, I know what you are going through today. I have a blog that is in 4th grade and I can’t seem to make it happy anymore.

So just pretend that you care about it, just for today, so it will leave me alone and it can just go to it’s room and be mad at me the rest of the year.

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Blog Birthday Party Ben