Bitter Long Legs

Easy for you guys to judge. You don’t have legs that have been crammed in small desks all day.

I was attending another function as I am loathe to do because usually functions have to do with interacting with other human people, and I was sitting down like normal (standing is for athletes and psychopaths). I’m 6’1, so not that tall, but tall enough that I have tall people problems. I have to reach for things on top shelves, my legs get cramped all the time, I’m always asked about how the weather is up here and constantly having to reach down to pat things on the head, etc.

One of the worst things is when you are sitting on row, you can’t just manspread your legs all over the place. People constantly feel the need to have to walk by you, like the area in front of you is a freaking walkway. Maybe it is, but can they be a little more courteous when it comes to making me move my legs? It’s bad enough when I have to bring them in from my normal laid out position, but when I can’t even cross my leg over the other one, without people running into them, that is where I have some beef.

My legs aren’t made of steel (though I want them to be someday), so people shouldn’t be magnetically attracted to them. Maybe it is the other people that are standing smack dab in the middle of the aisle that you should run into. I feel like even if I had put my legs over my head in an impossible feat of limberness, some doofus would have found a way to run into my legs.

Some day soon, my legs will be metal. Don’t mess with me then.

Here’s a little advice to the rest of the world. Stop it. Change the “unspoken manners” of not being able to lay down and take a nap wherever you are and it will solve most of my problems. Oh and you need to replace all seats with couches. Nobody has time for seats.


Bitter Long Legged Ben


29 thoughts on “Bitter Long Legs

  1. On the other hoof, short means that many smaller spaces (especially if/when thinner… not super thin, just… Not Fat *wistful look*) were mine. I KNEW there were no monsters in the closet or under the bed, for those were MY places. Oh. Hrmm. Or I was/am a/the monster.


  2. I will admit some envy. being under 5′ 8″ means NOTHING “off the rack” truly fits – unless one is concentration camp thin and can get away with “childrens” sizes. But, of course, everyone has problems – just different ones.


  3. Thank you for making me feel better about my 5’4″ short legs (well, my legs aren’t 5’4″ of course… My whole self is. I never measured my legs, but I promise they are short.) I never would have thought today would have brought me short legs’ comfort. xx


  4. I explained what manspreading is to my Czech students today in the context of common courtesy on public transportation. The male majority of the class was NOT impressed (maybe because I have short legs and my demo didn’t look that bad). I’m pretty sure I just created a new generation of international manspreaders. Rest assured, well-meaning people are doing the opposite of their intentions all over the world.


  5. “My legs aren’t made of steel (though I want them to be someday).” You’re so fucking wacky, lol. That picture is hilarious. I’m assuming you were a dancer at some point in your life because your flex game in on point(e). 🙂


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