The nice thing about having a bitter blog is that you always have something to write about. The bad thing about a bitter blog is that you always have something to write about. I could have choosen to write about a dozen things this morning because oh my gosh it is freaking Monday, after a weekend where I had to do a lot of moving and daylight savings time. I’m sure I’ll get to all that, but today, I have a different gripe.
I don’t have a lot of clothes. I’ve never been a huge fan of wearing them, especially formal type clothes. I’m not a fan of shirts with tight collars because it feels like they are strangling me on purpose. I’m also not a fan of tight shirts because my belly need a little real estate to run. Also not a fan of tight pants because well my boys need some real estate as well. Matching clothes as my wife can attest is something that seems to elude me.
I might as well be color blind because I can’t tell the difference between dark blue and black and my wife is always telling me to never wear blue and black together, and yet almost always I do. By the time she tells me to change, it is too late because I’m already comfortable wearing what I am, so I defiantly don’t change.
The worst thing about clothes is that they are a natural enemy with food. At least 14 times a day, I’m eating food and spilling on my clothes. And you know the kind of food I eat. Greesy, messy, stainy food. The things that spill almost never get on the floor, or my skin, or the plate I’m eating. Food is attracted the one piece of clothes that you want to maintain the cleanest. And of course, my mouth that has only been eating for 44 years, cannot seem to keep each and every greasy thing inside, it always let a little drip on my clothes.
I think my clothes actually yell at the top of their lungs at my food to “come at them bro” (though I don’t think clothes have very good lungs). And I think my food is like, “bring it clothes!”
They might be the Capulets and the Montague’s. They are always at each other’s throats and always yelling at the top of their lungs. I think clothes are always getting pummeled with stains and grease, and food is always getting hair and threads from clothes in them.
It’s a non- ending battle that will continue for eternity and something that even Tide Pods can’t stop.
And Tide Pods are a subject for another day.
Bitter Battle of Clothes and Food Ben