Food Vs. Clothes Bitterness

They just maketh me bitter.

The nice thing about having a bitter blog is that you always have something to write about. The bad thing about a bitter blog is that you always have something to write about. I could have choosen to write about a dozen things this morning because oh my gosh it is freaking Monday, after a weekend where I had to do a lot of moving and daylight savings time. I’m sure I’ll get to all that, but today, I have a different gripe.

My clothes.

I don’t have a lot of clothes. I’ve never been a huge fan of wearing them, especially formal type clothes. I’m not a fan of shirts with tight collars because it feels like they are strangling me on purpose. I’m also not a fan of tight shirts because my belly need a little real estate to run. Also not a fan of tight pants because well my boys need some real estate as well. Matching clothes as my wife can attest is something that seems to elude me.

I might as well be color blind because I can’t tell the difference between dark blue and black and my wife is always telling me to never wear blue and black together, and yet almost always I do. By the time she tells me to change, it is too late because I’m already comfortable wearing what I am, so I defiantly don’t change.

The  worst thing about clothes is that they are a natural enemy with food. At least 14 times a day, I’m eating food and spilling on my clothes. And you know the kind of food I eat. Greesy, messy, stainy food. The things that spill almost never get on the floor, or my skin, or the plate I’m eating. Food is attracted the one piece of clothes that you want to maintain the cleanest. And of course, my mouth that has only been eating for 44 years, cannot seem to keep each and every greasy thing inside, it always let a little drip on my clothes.

Who will win? Food or clothes?

I think my clothes actually yell at the top of their lungs at my food to “come at them bro” (though I don’t think clothes have very good lungs). And I think my food is like, “bring it clothes!”

They might be the Capulets and the Montague’s. They are always at each other’s throats and always yelling at the top of their lungs. I think clothes are always getting pummeled with stains and grease, and food is always getting hair and threads from clothes in them.

It’s a non- ending battle that will continue for eternity and something that even Tide Pods can’t stop.

And Tide Pods are a subject for another day.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Battle of Clothes and Food Ben

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30 thoughts on “Food Vs. Clothes Bitterness

  1. Actually, you don’t really need any “Friends” per,se, in college to help you get your paper clothing business off the ground. There are enough students in colleges who are willing to do design work for you for a song and their work is often very good. I had a student put a song to sheet music for me once … He charged me less than a Hundred Dollars for putting all the notes down on paper …. The guy who wrote the song took the sheet music, copyrighted it, and had it reprinted and sold thousands of copies. He later sold the rights to the song to ASCAP and it became a hit for a well-known country performer of a few years ago. (1980s.).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have often thought of keeping my wardrobe filled with disposable clothing so that I never have to worry about laundering them — just wear them for a week and throw them into the bin of used clothing headed for the local Veterans’ reclamation facility. Of course I don’t do that. My wardrobe is very basic — a few assorted denim jeans, some black Tee shirts and a few sports jackets to wear over the jeans. (Plus, of course, the necessary seasonal stuff such as overcoat and winter gear.) Food on my clothing? Not usually a problem because I pay precise attention to manipulating my utensils and chewing each mouthful of food 28 times. Great blog here, mate! I am bookmarking it and will return again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am always in such a hurt that I spill constantly. And as far as clothes, I only have the basics and would prefer disposable clothes too. Is there a service that will offer a clothes by mail that can disposed? I think we would both be on board with that.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You could solve the problem of food dripping on your clothing by growing a beard, but I suppose then you’d be bitter about your beard catching the drips. Keep in mind, it’s easier to wash and quicker to dry.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. And if you happen to be under 5 ft 8 in NOTHING (besides socks & underwear, maybe) fits right. “Big and Tall” stores? Feh. Show me a place that has stuff that’s a fellow 5 ft 6 in withOUT needing to hemmed, hawwed, modified, tailored, tinkered, etc. and THEN perhaps I might be impressed. Yeah, I know, there is ONE place (in NYC, yet, so ‘mail order’) that claims to have such. Guess what size & color/style they do not have in stock? Yep, exactly the stuff I’d order.

    I have this nagging suspicion that this *is* Hell and we’ve been cursed with the ability to imagine even worse so we don’t fully realize the Awful Truth.

    But at least right now I am home. And alone. And I am wearing…. well, lets not get into that, but I am *comfortable* and Hell can go to itself!

    Liked by 1 person

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