I was just reading a bunch of reviews of the newest Transformer movie, The Last Knight. The reviews ranged from "worst movie of the year" to "this movie will make us all dumber for having seen it". You would think that somehow these terrible reviews would somehow stop me from going to see it. You … Continue reading You Can’t Stop Me
Sarcasm
I’m getting really Tired of this
About 3 years ago, we bought a car. Not only because I am super lazy and don't like to walk to places, but also because our other car decided that it needed to drop the transmission for some reason. I'm not smarty, but I know that when your transmission drops, you will also be dropping...lots … Continue reading I’m getting really Tired of this
The Longest Time of the Year for Bitter Bloggers
It just heard that today is the longest day of the year. That means that people are out celebrating. I keep hearing this promotion about making this the longest day of golf, by playing 18 holes of golf in two locations. That is just crazy talk. Why would people want to spend time outside all … Continue reading The Longest Time of the Year for Bitter Bloggers
Advantage: Oblivious
There is a lot of crap going on in the world. I think. See for the last 10 months or so, I have had this weird phenomenon going on in my life. On August 3rd of last year, midway through the Olympics, I called Comcast and said, "Hey dudes, we are leaving. We are selling … Continue reading Advantage: Oblivious
Summer Bitter, Summer Worse Friday Giftures
I'm what the Germans would call a Schadenfreudener or however they spell it. I like to see other people bitter. It was the reason I started this blog and this life so many years ago. I have ambition in being inambitious. I want to spread the word while laying on the couch. I want … Continue reading Summer Bitter, Summer Worse Friday Giftures
Sit at home Pro
Even though Father's Day is like months away or something, I got a present I have been wanting for a while now. I've been saving up favors from Christmas, my birthday, and getting a job congratulations gift, so I could bundle all those into this one present. I got a GoPro. It is so amazingly … Continue reading Sit at home Pro
How I survived 3 hours without an Electronic Device
Spoiler Warning: I didn't. I died and somehow ended up in the most bitter purgatory that exists. Unluckily, I am now forced to tell you my oh so bitter tale of how I was forced to make it three whole hours without an electronic device. Some earthbound person will break into my account and type … Continue reading How I survived 3 hours without an Electronic Device
There should be more Lines Friday Giftures
No, I'm not talking about standing in lines for something stupid like movies or concerts or donuts. I'm talking about roads. I know some of them appear straight, but they aren't straight enough. I mean there should be a road that goes directly from where I am to my front door at all times. Why … Continue reading There should be more Lines Friday Giftures
Bitter Banner
Many of you probably didn't notice something above you, because it is so easy for people not to come to this actual website anymore. Most of my traffic isn't rando's that come from the internet, or people I actually know in real life from Facebook. Most of the people (or bots) come from WordPress. … Continue reading Bitter Banner
Helicopter Bitter
You've heard of helicopters right? They are those things only used by traffic reporters, hospitals, rich people, and action movies. Maybe it is because they are smaller, but it seems like there are so few of them, especially compared to their big brother, the airplane. For sure airplanes have their own problems, with the crashing … Continue reading Helicopter Bitter
Beard Exclusivity Rights
In addition to opposable thumbs and brains that do high level coding, one of the other things that seperate (along with the ability to use spellcheck) us from the apes, is the fact that we shave. Ourselves. I guess apes try to shave themselves, but then they would have big bloody cuts all the … Continue reading Beard Exclusivity Rights
Driving Irresponsibly Friday Giftures
There was an accident yesterday on the freeway, which caused all kinds of backups. Unfortunately, I went a little too early, so I missed all the chaos and arrived on time. Why do these things always happen to me? Why can't I figure out just the wrong time to come, so I have an excuse … Continue reading Driving Irresponsibly Friday Giftures
Bitter Fancy Polish
Because lots of humans are visual creatures, it is pretty easy to trick them. For instance, I could wear a recently dry cleaned suit, a freshly ironed white shirt, perfectly creased pants, shiny polished shoes and really nice haircut and most people (IE you) would not be able to tell the difference between me … Continue reading Bitter Fancy Polish
Last second Bitterness
If you keep tabs on the NBA and, to a lesser extent, other sports, you know that they spend like 47 minutes out of the first 48 minutes chilling. Hanging out like they are laying on a hammock on the beach. They just can't seem to resist waiting until the game really matters, then finally … Continue reading Last second Bitterness
9000!!!! Followers Friday Giftures
Congratulations to the Darkest Fairytale, you just became the newest and bitterest member of the internet, IE you just became my 9000th WordPress follower. Do you know what this means? It means... It also means that we have to do at least 9000 gifs today for Friday Giftures. Ugh, it's going to be a … Continue reading 9000!!!! Followers Friday Giftures
Elevator Problems
The other day I was talking about Netflix and I mentioned Die Hard being one of my all time favorite movies. From the fact that it really is a Christmas movie, to the fact that I currently have Bruce Willis hair that he had in that movie, to the unbelievable amount of lines in … Continue reading Elevator Problems
Hey Netflix
Updated: New question at the end of the post. Hey Netflix, I heard your CEO or creator or whatever, started Netflix because he had a huge late fee from Blockbuster and didn't want to have to pay twice the amount of late fee's than what the movie would have cost. I don't either, but … Continue reading Hey Netflix
It’s Time to Pin This Week Down Giftures
If I was a wrestler, then I would probably wear a mask and be the Bitter Brawler or something like that. I just assume that people really wouldn't want to see what is under the mask. I pretty much wouldn't be a champion, and I certainly would be a villain, but definitely the least popular … Continue reading It’s Time to Pin This Week Down Giftures
Not So Smartphone
This last weekend, as in all weekends, it is my goal to not do things and lay on the couch as long as possible. This weekend, I epic failed. I was asked by some relatives to help them move. So I figured I would do that as fast as possible and then move...back to the … Continue reading Not So Smartphone
Bitter Baller Brand
Over the last 5 years of blogging, I've noticed a few disturbing trends. One of the big ones is that my audience (the ones that have been tricked into reading this crap) don't really share much in common with me. Most of my readers are female (which is a demographic I don't really understand) and … Continue reading Bitter Baller Brand
Ben's Bitter Blog 