Mr. Clean

/ bensbitterblog

I hate when my room is such a mess.

My wife likes to torture me with the TV she watches. She loves to watch Hallmark and Lifetime network shows. Even worse though are Intervention. My least favorite of all is Hoarders. Hoarders sickens me. I am not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination. That show makes me sick to my stomach. Not only to see how much filth and mess are created in one person’s house, but the fact that they show mentally ill people on TV and exploit it for a show just makes me so bitter.

This is not to say I’m a clean person. I create dishes and messes all the time. I leave clothes places, and have to constantly be reminded to pick this up, close this door, turn off this light, stop putting things places. In fact, today at work we are having some VIP’s coming in, and we have to make sure our desks are clean and we are wearing appropriate clothes. (I assume by appropriate clothes they mean sweats and clean T-shirts).

This got me to thinking, why do some people warrant advanced warnings on cleaning up places? Mother’s Day is coming up this Sunday, and for some reason mother’s-in-law in particular seem to warrant advanced clean up. Every time my mother comes to visit, my wife is planning the particulars of how, when and where things will be cleaned. The floors are to be done, closets organized, and shoes picked up. Even the basement is done, even though neither us or my mother have been down there for the last 6 months. Even utility closets are scrubbed to the nines.

Then there are the dignitaries. The last time the queen, prince and princess visited we had to dust the top of the fridge and the china sets. We even had to wash the Tupperware. I’m not sure why we had to clean our regular plates, because the whole time, all they wanted to use was my daughters plastic tea sets for “fake” afternoon tea parties and play with the dolls. They never even asked about our real china sets.

And all Harry and Charles wanted to do was play Fortnite on our Xbox and eat pizza and donuts. They got us banned from 5 different groups because they kept claiming that they got Royal rights to winning and my groups were having none of that. They didn’t even offer to take us out, and when they did they only wanted to go to McDonald’s. We got them caviar, and they said they didn’t like those “slimy fish thingys” so we had to throw them out and get Sausage McMuffin’s instead. They were so rude to the other kid’s in Playland too. I guess you can’t take royals anywhere.

All they wanted to do was play Xbox.

What I don’t understand is why when I go places, people don’t put their best efforts into cleaning their houses or work places for me. Is my status as the King of Bitterness  not good enough for an effort in cleaning their house? Is my constant bitter face not worth cleaning your desk whenever I visit your office?

How do you all feel about that? Doesn’t it make you bitter when  people don’t clean up for you, wherever you go? Why should Princes, mother’s, and CEO’s get all the constant clean up? Why are they so special?

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Clean Up Ben

 

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79 thoughts on “Mr. Clean”

  1. I used to clean for my mother. Until I realized nothing would ever be clean enough.
    Now that she’s long dead, I clean for no one. I tell them to move anything and sit where they like. And do they like brownies.

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  3. HA!!! 😀 You make me snort-laugh! 😀

    Sign: “My house was clean last week, sorry you missed it.” 😛
    Another sign: “A messy desk is a sign of genius.” Just ask Mark Twain, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, and Steve Jobs…apparently they all have/had messy desks. 😀

    If a person’s house is too clean, or has too much white (furniture, carpet, drapes, etc) it freaks me out a bit because I know I will be the first to drop a slice of pizza! Sauce side down! 😮 😛

    HUGS!!! 😀

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  5. LOL! I too like to watch Hallmark and Lifetime networks – soppy but feel good movies would do it for me to de-stress. As for cleanliness, it is with most women unless you find one who can stomach dirt. My sister is obsessed with cleanliness too! Good luck Bitter Ben and be squeaky clean else you will be dusted!

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  8. Great post! And I feel the same way about Hoarders! If someone else’s unseen private place (car, office, home, etc.) is messy, I don’t mind. However, it upsets me if someone leaves a mess in a public place: leave no trace!

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    • I just think it isn’t right for the show to shame people into cleaning up. I just think if they really wanted to help, they wouldn’t show these people on TV and just do it privately. I don’t need to see that stuff.

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  9. What surprised me is why you’d clean for the Royal family? You guys aren’t part of the Commonwealth, right? So you don’t owe them to have your place all cleaned up when they decide to drop by…

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    • That’s so true. Maybe I should be like the crazy mother-in-laws when I visit. Complain about the dirt on the baseboards, and how any little speck would set me off if I was in my home, and then make them all anxious about how their house was.

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  11. Well, my desk would probably win the award for cleanest, least cluttery, dullest desk every day. It’s so clean and empty, it makes me want to sleep instead of working. I guess if you were ever to visit my office, then I could temporarily move to someone else’s cubicle, full of knick-knacks, kids’ drawings, plants, and empty plastic water bottles, just to make you bitter. But that kind of environment might make me feel bitter, too.

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  12. I agree about Hoarders–those people are desperately in need of real help, and the show seems mostly about trying to gross the audience out as much as possible. I like to keep the house clean but sometimes it gets ahead of me–having a dignitary over is a good excuse to tidy up!

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    • I just think they unnecessarily exploit the mentally ill hoarders for ratings and it just makes me so bitter. I just think it is pretty crappy to take advantage of them like that. Are they even really trying to help them? I don’t think so.
      And yeah the queen was kind of a pig when she visited.

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