When I was in college, my best friend and I would go door to door to random girl's apartments and knock. When they answered we would introduce ourselves and then try to make them laugh by telling them stupid puns. Every once in a while we would get a chuckle or a courtesy laugh, and … Continue reading Drive by Comedian
Fiction
Lateness is Greatness Friday Giftures
As the regulars of this podcast know, whoops, blog know, I am always on time. Just kidding, but really I usually post in the early morning, depending on where you live. Where I live is right here and that is the most important. But you know, lateness is greatness, which is why I am … Continue reading Lateness is Greatness Friday Giftures
If People Were Named After Their Personalities Like Me
I guess I should probably tell you that I finally got a job and just as there are perks (I get paid money to do things) there are also the regular non-perks. The main non-perk is the same non-perk that almost every other job has. Other people. If it wasn't for that and the whole … Continue reading If People Were Named After Their Personalities Like Me
NoWayImGoodBro
Ever since I was young, I had a little bit(ter) of a rebellious streak in me. I've always had an issue with authority because I don't like people telling me what to do. I've never had a boss I didn't want to rebel against, a parent or authority figure that liked to tell me what … Continue reading NoWayImGoodBro
Bread And Bitter
Halloween is always kind of an awkward time for me. Especially at work. You never quite know if people are going to dress up and if no one does and you do, it is the most awkward thing ever. Then there is the really uncomfortable aspect about your costume. If you wear one that makes … Continue reading Bread And Bitter
The Bitter Transforming Pizza
There is something I have never understood about Halloween. It is one the biggest in this country, where I've heard the most money is spent, and somehow it isn't really a holiday? At least from what I have heard, a holiday consists of me getting the day off. And as long as I can remember, … Continue reading The Bitter Transforming Pizza
Slow motion Friday Giftures
Someone must have hit the slow motion button on my life, because I can't seem to keep up. Just yesterday my kids were just starting school and today they tell me they are in 4th and 8th grades. The other day Donald Trump was this rich real estate guy from New York. Just today … Continue reading Slow motion Friday Giftures
Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension
I used to be a blogging snob, not allowing other people to guest post or do any reblogging, because I thought it would sully the bitter vibe all over this blog. I didn't think anyone else's opinion on bitterness would ever be anywhere near mine, (which it isn't by the way) but that doesn't … Continue reading Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension
Is your refrigerator running?
You know the old adage, "Love hurts?" I'm okay with the heart getting hurt. When some girl cold bloodedly tells you that she has been dating someone else for a little while at the same time and she likes him better. Or when you ask a girl to go steady with a big huge cut … Continue reading Is your refrigerator running?
Car Wash Animals
I don't know if you are having a car wash war where you guys live, but there must be some dirty cars around here. Yeah, there are mountains nearby here, so I assume some people drive around in their Jeep Cherokees for car commercials, but man, I had no idea so many people needed their … Continue reading Car Wash Animals
Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures
There's nothing better or more offensive than when Micheal Scott does a character. The best part is that he can always blame it on the character. Much like I do when I blame all the bitterness on Bitter Ben. He is just the worst sometimes. Anyway, when Micheal Scott becomes Date Mike, he is just … Continue reading Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures
Copy and Paste
There have been many brilliant inventions in our time. The Poo Pourri, the Baby Mop, The Nitted Beard Hat and even the Ab Hancer, but one of the ones that we don't think of on a daily basis is copy and paste. It has saved me a huge amount of time in my life. Especially … Continue reading Copy and Paste
Different Languages
When I was growing up I had no desire to learn a different language. Learning English was hard enough. What I didn't realize was that it isn't just languages like Spanish, Russian, German and Greek are hard to learn. When they say it is all Greek to me, they are right. I don't even know … Continue reading Different Languages
Back for A Bitter New Season
Lost in all the hype of all the new TV shows, football season and hurricanes, fires and other natural disasters, the AP probably didn't pick this up. But they should have, because bitterness is at all all time high and we need this more than ever now. For those of you who are old … Continue reading Back for A Bitter New Season
Why did the Chicken cross the Playground? To get to the other Slide on down to Friday Giftures
I used to tell dumb jokes when I was young. I also told dumb jokes yesterday. You see, I haven't changed. Not one bit. Well I have expanded. My gut. And my back isn't what it used to be. And my face is 10 times older than when I was four. But other than … Continue reading Why did the Chicken cross the Playground? To get to the other Slide on down to Friday Giftures
Coming soon to an Office near you
I am about as big a fan of The Office fan as there gets. Aside from the lunatics on the internet anyways. Since the day we got Netflix, I have watched The Office nonstop. My wife thinks I'm crazy to keep watching the same show over and over again. I have almost memorized all of … Continue reading Coming soon to an Office near you
Belabored Day
Nobody really knows why we celebrate Labor Day. Is it because we celebrate all the women that go into labor? Is it because we like working so hard? Is it because we needed a holiday in the early part of September to have sales at stores? I am all kinds of confused about holidays in … Continue reading Belabored Day
They’ve got no chill for Friday Giftures
Can you just feel the chill of fall coming into the air? It couldn't be that it is September now? That means movies are officially starting to be either terrible or trying to be Oscar films. This also means that Halloween stuff is starting to invade stores and football takes over most people's lives. Or … Continue reading They’ve got no chill for Friday Giftures
We’ve got a Nap for that
You know the old Apple ad slogan, "We've got an app for that?" It's a great one, because people always remember it. And people are always parodying it. Well, guess who is parodying it today? That's right, your not-so-friendly neighborhood Bitterman, me. As a lifelong napper, I know for a fact that there is definitely … Continue reading We’ve got a Nap for that
Energizer Benny
As you know, I major in sitting around on couch eating pizza, but sometimes people feel the need to get me off the duff that I sit so proudly on and make me move. One of the biggest offenders is my son. He is always asking me to do things with him. Not only is … Continue reading Energizer Benny
Ben's Bitter Blog 