When I was growing up I had no desire to learn a different language. Learning English was hard enough. What I didn’t realize was that it isn’t just languages like Spanish, Russian, German and Greek are hard to learn. When they say it is all Greek to me, they are right. I don’t even know Greek.
However, there are many languages that I do know. For instance, I grew learning fluent sarcasm. It is a language all it’s own, because there are certain tones to it. The reason I know it is a language is because there are really people that I know that have no knowledge of how it is spoken. They don’t read it, write it or understand it. So sometimes, I have to translate. For some reason, I thought everyone knew, but I came to figure out that some people are born without the sarcasm gene.
Then there is the language of the young people. I’ve heard you can become fluent in a language like Spanish, but the longer you neglect to speak it, the worse you get at remembering it. I think this is true with young kid speak. They have a language all their own. Thanks to my middle aged-young person’s translation guide, Urban Dictionary, I have managed to keep up with most of the terms like, “on fleek”, “savage” and “get lit”, but I am way behind with their heiroglyphics called the “Emoji”. I don’t know if there is a dictionary for those. Sure I know what smiley face means, (I think), but after that, they all seem the same to me.
I have recently been snatched up by an old couple who needs rides to places and they are kind enough to pay me to take them places. I call myself and Olduber. What I have found out is that they additionally have a language all their own. Somehow, they are able to communicate with a bunch of whispers, mumblings and passive aggressive tones. Even though I probably have way better hearing than them, they seem to understand each other, while I am constantly saying, “What was that?” I assume as I get older I will start understanding them, but right now, I am a little lost and may need a person with a hearing aid to translate for me.
Then there is peculiar language that works with only acronyms. Dilbert speaks much about these strange creatures called business people. They have TPS reports, use weird made up languages like SQL, COBOL, Java, FORTRAN, Pascal, and C++. Not to be judgemental or anything, but C++ seems way average for someone who seems to be really smart. I didn’t do super great in school, but I was around a C++ average too. I’m not making megabucks for getting a C++. I just think for a bunch of smart people they could just spell things out a little instead of having to make everything an acronym.
And somehow even animals can understand each other. Dogs understand other dogs barks I guess, and cats are really good at showing their distaste for you just by lifting their tails at you.
I don’t understand why we have to have all these languages, but then again, I don’t understand much. I guess I need to find a translator for life.
Bitter Language Inexpert Ben