I am seeing the signs.
One of the weird things I miss when not having a job was the crack of dawn (just kidding, way before that) drives on the freeway and the steering wheel punching drives home. You can just feel the stench of the city in the air, the hustle and bitter of drivers having a hard day, then getting to face an even more inenviable task of driving home with thousands of other angry drivers. It’s enough to get your bitter blood to boil.
The thing that sometimes breaks up the monotony of raising your fist at other drivers for making the same mistakes that you make on a regular basis, is the signs. The billboards, the spectacle, the wonder. Advertisers pay millions of dollars to capture your attention on the freeway, and businesses get those enviable spots so you will want to swerve off the road or write a phone number or website on your arm and buy their products and services. Some go out of their way to do things differently. And there is the occasional accident, or truck that inadvertently become part of the sideshow.
Yesterday as I was driving home, I saw two very different things, one to my right, one to my left. It was almost something drawn up in a terrible movie. You know in movies how they contrast the beautiful, serene, quiet scenery right before something terrible happens? This is what I was thinking as I looked to my right and my left. To one side, there was a gorgeous pink sky with clouds that looked like fluffy marshmallows. On the other side, a truck carrying missiles. I kid you not. I think there is a military base nearby. I know people say pics or it didn’t happen, and I do have them, but they are blurry and you would probably accuse me of the same thing as when hillbillies get pictures of UFO’s. Anyways, I promise you I saw a missile carrying truck right next to me.
Not quite the same size, but you get the point.
Do you know who Karl Malone is? Former NBA player here from the Utah Jazz. Anyways, as a way of incentivizing players to stay in towns, car dealerships will often give these guys their “own car lots”. Anyways, one of the signs I see while coming in everyday says, “Karl Malone’s Body…& Paint” If you had no idea this was a car body shop, you would think that Karl Malone was in the shop to paint your body.
Another funny sign I saw said 5’10 piano. I was thinking that if the piano grew about 8 inches in college, it could play in the NBA as a center of attention.
One sign for a fun center said I could meet a princess. I don’t know if that means Cinderella, Snow White or Rapunzel, or if it meant like Princess Kate is in town to go to the fun center.
I saw something that said Tent Heater. I always thought a tent heater was called the Bonfire you built earlier. But on the other hand, I was looking to burn down my tent so I wouldn’t have to go camping anymore, so maybe this would be a great thing for me.
I saw a sign that said Guitar Center Fitness. I guess some guitars seem to have a little too much bass and might want to lose a few,. Or maybe it was just that I saw a Guitar Center sign, and a 24 Hour Fitness sign just below it.
Some guitars would like to lose a little bass.
The last sign I saw, just before I got to work was a First Mile sign. Let me tell you, I wish it was the first mile and I was back home sleeping, but I am stuck here. Avoiding work and blogging about it.
Your turn. What are some of the crazy signs you see everyday coming to and leaving work? Any capture your attention or are you too busy cursing other people’s driving habits to notice? Lemme know in the comments.
ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH
Bitter Sign Seeker Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Well, I wouldn’t want to make you bitterer than you already are, but… I live 3 minutes of walking away from work. It would actually be longer to take the car! So, aside a couple of parking/no parking signs, the only thing I can think of is our lonely meeting point. Here’s a picture of me with it…
https://cyranny.wordpress.com/2017/09/29/i-dont-do-selfies/
LikeLike
That does make me even more bitter. The only problem with a short commute (unless the boss doesn’t know) is that you can’t have an excuse for being late or get out of weekend work, because they know you can come in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree… I always have to remind myself that I get to sleep until the last minute if I want to… But is IS a bummer when ot comes to finding excuses for not being on time. š I tried “my dog ate it” once… Without much success!
LikeLike
I would just wake up, be lazy for several hours, go to the store, and then show up just in time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great signs, BB!
The signs I see on the Highway that crack me up are the ones that have words in ” “‘s that shouldn’t be in parentheses.
Also, the digital overhead signs on the freeways (that are constantly changing) say funny things like:
100 That’s the temperature. Not the speed limit. (I saw that one in July)
Love yourself like Kanye loves Kanye. Buckle up.
Get your head out of your apps. Drive safely.
ETC.
HUGS!!! š
LikeLike
Yeah, I think I would be a really good sign guy. Who has that job and how do I get it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know. But it would be fun to get paid to make up the messages for the digital signs. š
LikeLike
I would just love to get paid to write my blog and write bitter things for electronics signs. Is there a job for that? I will “sign” up for that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Saw this in Scotland many years ago: the word Library and right below Police. There was an arrow (that thingie above the period on a keyboard) pointing to the right. Made me wonder what the Library Police did. Maybe they take overdue books really, really seriously there?
LikeLike
I can imagine many things a Library Police person could do. Can you imagine the amount of shhh’s they would be passing around at libraries these days?
LikeLike
There is a sign on an I-5 overpass in Seattle that just read “South” even though you were clearly going east.
LikeLike
That reminds me of Seattle. If I were back there still, I would have had so many more signs I could used for the post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I switched a 40-minute commute for an 8-minute commute six years ago, one of the few decisions I am not bitter about in my life. I saw many signs and sights on my longer commute, but I can’t remember any off hand. My current drive in happens in the dark, I don’t see much. On my ride home I am mostly focused on the taillights of the vehicle ahead of me. You can’t believe a little village like Ilion would go bumper to bumper, but so it is from 3 to 4 p.m. weekdays.
LikeLike
You have an 8 minute commute and you still see taillights? How can that be? I guess people will always find a way to annoy you on that somehow.
LikeLike
You can’t BELIEVE the traffic in Ilion in the afternoon! But it isn’t really that bad, given my short distance to go. And, yes, if you are driving a car it is pretty much a given that somebody will annoy you.
LikeLike
Ilion huh? I will have to check that out when I go to New York. That’s where you are right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I live in Herkimer, work in Ilion. They are practically right next door to each other.
LikeLike
There are many cities around here that are practical neighbors too. In fact, my kids go to school with kids just over the bridge that will go to different high schools.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You live near Cooperstown? How cool is that?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, we love Cooperstown and the surrounding area. Lots of adventures in easy driving distance!
LikeLike
Yeah, I was looking at that. So I-90 divides Herkimer and Ilion too. I have quite the connection to I-90, because it ran through two of the towns I lived in, Seattle, and Sioux Falls. Quite the famous highway. In fact, it actually ends in Seattle, right near Safeco field.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Too tricky! Now I have to search my brain!
LikeLike
Yeah, I’m not too into using my brain, especially on Fridays, or Mondays or any of those other days in between.
LikeLike
I don’t see it every day, but when I’m driving by a certain megachurch I see what is known regionally as “touchdown Jesus.” It’s a huge statue that you can see from the interstate. To be clear, Jesus isn’t scoring the touchdown, but is acting as an umpire with his arms raised straight up overhead.
LikeLike
Either that or he is just holding his arms up so he can signal the troops to keep fighting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t see any signs. I drive an hour through stunning English countryside to work every single day. I’ve seen it at dawn, I’ve seen it at sunset, I’ve seen it in ethereal twilight, I’ve seen it at midday and in the starry, wintry night, and honestly, every single day it changes. It’s so, so beautiful (almost painfully so) and makes me contemplate things that are far above angry drivers – not that I don’t have in-car screaming matches with them! That missile truck is very depressing, but what an interesting contrast with pink fluffy clouds!
LikeLike
Yeah. So English countryside huh? That sounds like quite the contrast from what I drive in. So where do you work?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I work in a city called Macclesfield in England.
LikeLike
I’m going to probably have to look that one up on Google Maps and see how they got away with not having hundreds of billboards.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha!! I think the billboards would cause many an accident considering there is a national speed limit of 70mph on extremely winding roads – I’ve never gone more than 60, and looking away from the road even for a moment is a no-no if you want to come out of that roller coaster alive.
LikeLike
So at least you have a roller coaster of a ride to complain about. I guess have pretty skinny roads would make it hard to have your mind wander to billboards.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely! š
LikeLike
I saw a truck pulling its own garage behind it. Or at least that is what it looked like to me. Since I’m retired now (one more thing for you to be bitter about), I don’t get out much to see what weirdness is driving down the road.
https://wp.me/pVZan-1fI
LikeLiked by 1 person
Arrrgggh. More than anything in the world, I want to be retired. Which probably means I will be working until the day I keel over. Just my luck.
LikeLike