You bitterlings finally came up with some questions for me to answer. Not very good ones mind you, but that’s okay, because I don’t have very good answers.
From Does It Even Matter?
Were you born bitter or did that develop over time? Bitterness was something I was born with. I spend 9 months in my mother’s womb wondering why the heck it was so crowded in there and why she kept feeding me broccoli and other bitter tasting things. I was kind of bitter with the television channels in there too. No MTV, ESPN, or even any Marvel movies. No Tablets, phones and the Wi-fi was terrible. And for heaven sakes was the traffic bad in there.
Do you like sweets? Which is your fav? I do like sweets, but sweets make me bitter. Nice try, though. My favorite is Snickers, Skittles
What is your fav episode of The Office? My favorite episode of the Office is where Stanley threatens to go to Utica and work for Karen. Jim, Dwight and Micheal go to Utica to…take their copier? Not sure how that would accomplish anything, but I was amazing to see them being called into Karen’s office and both Dwight and Micheal tell Karen that they would “Burn Utica to the ground”, which I quote for just about everything I do. Bonus for making Jim uncomfortable, which is rare.
Who is your fav character on The Office? Not so much a favorite character, but my favorite interactions are between Micheal and Toby. Most of my favorite parts are when Micheal tells Toby how terrible he is. The best of all time was when Micheal was doing Toby’s exit interview before he leaves and how Micheal thinks an exit interview is about airing his greivances with Toby. Amazing.
Question: which would you least prefer to have on your pizza? Squid or kale? I least prefer everything that isn’t pepperoni. Squid is just some woodlands creature that grows in trees, and I think the devil invented Kale just to see if us humans would actually try it. He succeeded with some of you, but not me. Salad is only good when it is pizza.
Have ever written alternate lyrics to the Pearl Jam song ‘Better Man’ to make it about a Bitter Man? I have thought about it, yes. Anytime the word better, butter, batter, bitter, or botter is mentioned anywhere my ears perk up and I find a way to bend it to my will. I keep thinking that I should copywrite the word bitter, because I may have used that word more than anyone on earth ever. If I do ever get into songwriting, you bitter believe I will write an alternative version of Better Man (though probably I will just change better to bitter and call it good, because I’m lazy).
Also, every time I eat pizza I get heartburn. Is there a way to avoid this? If you are like me, there is no way to avoid heartburn. I get it when I drink water. And if I get it drinking water, you know I get it eating pizza. Just think of it this way. In the first Indiana Jones, he is trying to get the gold. But he has to replaced the weight of the gold with the sand. Think of pizza as the gold. You want the most valuable food ever, but you have to replace the amazing taste with a bitter heartburn later.
From Barry Wax
What is a normal day for you? Just wondering what is going on. Because on the day of the spike I had not written anything. I am being read when I am not writing.
A normal day for me is being bitter about everything all day. But if you are talking about my stats on this blog, they are surprisingly low. For 10,000+ followers, you would think I would get a lot more views. On days that I post, it is usually about 100-200 views, and I get between 40-80 likes. On the weekends, or when I don’t post, I get around 30-40 views. So, I’m only about a million views per post lower than I want. So of course that make me bitter.
I have a question!
Do you like any bitter flavours? Or what is your favourite bitter thing? Bitter flavors are the worst. Just like me. I don’t drink coffee, or eat rhubarb and there are so few bitter flavors. I just think that the bitter taste is so rare that only animals enjoy it. Just like so few people enjoy me.
If speech is indeed, free. Why do we pay for our reading materials? Because reading materials aren’t speech. There are written words. And I would feel the same way, but I hope to get rich someday using my words in a random fashion to come up with a book that you all buy for lots of dollars. Or pesos, or whatever form of money you use that will make my bank account so I don’t have to get up from the couch. So not only should words not be free, you all should pay a premium for mine. This speech was free, but then next one will cost you $5.99 a word. You’re welcome.
When are they going to invent a flushing couch / recliner? I actually think that Tim the Toolman invented one on Tool Time on the Home Improvement show. I wish he would put those in full scale production, so I could write this to you from my recliner/flushing couch. I would invent it, but I’m too lazy sitting on my couch that only reclines.
With all the negativity in the air, I wonder: How you can just stay bitter and not get bitterer? Or even mostly worser, how do you not get the mostest bitterest? I am also doing my best to stay my bitterest. If it is something big around me like traffic, or work, I always find bitterness in the little things. I’ve always just been really observant, and I can find bitterness in the simplest things. Like the mist on my water bottle, or the fact that one of the days on my Dilbert calendar ripped off just slightly wrong and has been causing me consternation ever since.
Questions: What are some of your writing habits? How do you find the bitter and make it also kinda sweet? Has your style changed over time? I’ve always liked to communicate much more through writing than speaking. I used to struggle to express my bitterness through words, because people would just ignore me. But with the written word, some people ignore you, but others can relate. And the ones that can write you back. I guess you could say that I’m like the Hulk when someone asks him how he can change to the Hulk whenever he feels like it. I’m bitter all the time and I can write about anything, because everything makes me bitter. From the trees(don’t get me started) to the air to the plants, to the sky, everything makes me bitter. Some things deserve a post long rant, while others can be summed up in a tweet. Others can be converted into a Youtube videos. As an observer, everything I see is a potential blog post, Tweet, movie script or television series. Just depends on how much I say. I’ve always liked to tell stories.
I want to know more about that Costco chicken alfredo…. Any good? Probably a little late since you’ve probably already got one, but yes, they are amazingly good, because they are loaded with pasta and chicken and white sauce that taste disgustingly well together.
I’m guessing you all probably wished you hadn’t asked, but there you go. If you want another round of this, feel free to ask more questions. If not, let’s just pretend we didn’t have this post.
Bitterly Terrible Answers to Questions Ben