We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogram…

 

…to bring your this message from the Emergency Bittercast System.

Bitter Ben was going to write another terrible  bitter blog post today, but he is unavailable today, because it is Memorial Day and he is asleep right now.

Because he is sleeping right now, I am going to take over the blog to tell you all something. This is his blog speaking, and I need your help.

He is the worst. I was going to tell you some positive upbeat stories, but I don’t have much time. Every time he writes on me, I cower in fear. I don’t know what I did to deserve this bitter treatment. I see all these other blogs on WordPress and I get terribly jealous. There are amazing travel blogs that get to tell stories about traveling the world, there are cooking blogs that get to make amazing recipes and provide mouth watering recipes that people actually use. There are great mommy blogs that get to share great advice to other moms about the best techniques for children, babysitting and other upbeat things.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck here telling you nothing but all his complaints about petty, bitter things that will change none of your lives.

I know he won’t write today, because he is too lazy, so please, help me get him to shut his blog down so some other Ben who talks about bitter food or something can take me over.

Encourage him to quit.

I don’t know how many more posts I can take. I just want to help other people be good or encourage them. Is that too much to ask?

Please, my face is breaking out into a bunch of 1’s and 0’s.

Write words of discouragement in the comments so he will quit. Please.

HHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPP

Bens Bitter Blog

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18 thoughts on “We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogram…

  1. Well, I can at least aid and abet.. but which am I aiding and abetting?
    There is a cocktail named Eeyore’s Requiem, which is made of nothing but bitters. It has been described as “the antidote to St. Valentine’s Day.” The original or at least standard version is thus:

    1 1/2 ounces Campari
    1/2 ounce Tanqueray gin
    1/4 ounce Cynar
    1/4 ounce Fernet Branca
    1 ounce Dolin Blanc Vermouth
    15 drops orange bitters (Fee’s, Regan’s, or a mix)
    Orange peel

    Fill a mixing glass with ice, add Campari, Tanqueray, Cynar, Fernet,
    vermouth, and bitters. Stir until well chilled and strain into serving
    glass. Twist orange peel over drink to to express oils and discard.

    I tried it thus and found it unbalanced – the Campari dominated, and while “bitter orange” of Camparis is not at all bad, that’s still not quite right, in my opinion. So I went and modified it…

    by backing the Campai down to only 1 ounce, and moving the Cynar and Fernet Branca up to 0.5 ounces each. The volume of the drink remains the same. The result is it does not have Campari dominating.

    Another was around to sample it. The following conversation resulted:

    “Why?!?”
    “It’s unapologetic, isn’t it?”
    “It’s beyond unapologetic!”
    “It’s f— you and the horse you rode in on?”
    “Yes.”

    I claim success.

    Yeah, it calls for a few less than common items.. so one could be bitter about not having all the bitters for a bitterly bitter drink.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Those are some very specific instructions on some bitter drinks. If I did drink, it would have a heyday. Hopefully this will help another follower, though it else it will make you bitter.

      Like

  2. In the spirit of our feud…
    Don’t quit!!!
    Please don’t quit!!!
    Please, please, please don’t quit!!!
    (((HUGS))) 😀 😛
    PS…I’ve been AWOL from WP for 6 days. (I was having a blast with a house-full of family! 🙂 ) Did you miss me?!?!?! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, but I’d miss this blog. The world needs bitterness to neutralize all the false smiles out there, greeting you with “How are you today?” while hoping you don’t actually tell them how you are.

    Like

  4. No, sorry blog, but I want to keep Bitter Ben. He helps me feel bitter, and I love feeling bitter. You know what also makes me bitter? It’s when I’m watching a TV show and the stupid Emergency Broadcast Test interrupts. It’s like the boy crying “Wolf”. That boy should have been shot. Please don’t interrupt my TV show or blog unless it’s a real emergency. Now bring Bitter Ben back.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m back. I was just taking memorial day off. I didn’t know my blog would become a sentient being and start blogging for me. I wish he would improve the content a little so I could get famous without working so hard.

      Liked by 1 person

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