I have almost no hair. I’ve never really had much and honestly I’ve never even wanted long hair, even back in the 80’s when lots of dudes did. I’m not much of a fan of hair because it grosses me out when it gets in my mouth or near my face.
Anyways, the haircut store should not have a hard time cutting my hair. It’s pretty much a buzz on the side and back and short on top. My cut should never require scissors or more than 10 minutes. Well, my previous lady somehow found a way to screw it up. She did the sides okay (which to be honest an ape could figure out) but she started cutting the top with scissors. This caused me bitterness, because not only was the cut going to longer, but I would have to engage in conversation with her even more and she wasn’t my favorite in the first place.
What she ended up doing was cutting the top short, but leaving the two areas where you would have a part longer. So in a few days it was not only feeling longer, but it also look like I had two horns, like a devil. It was also torturing me. So I called it my devil’s haircut. My wife told me I looked terrible and should go get it cut only two weeks later. She couldn’t have made me happier. Thanks for telling me I looked horrible honey!
On to the devils haircut Friday Giftures…
Just like me…
…it seems like everyone else can do it the right way.
Just like my devil’s haircut….
…this kid had terrible balance.
I know cat…
…it really was a hideous haircut.
This reminds me of Andy Dufresne…
…escaping from prison but for only 1 foot instead of 500 yards.
This is how much I want to get rid of hair…
…and how afraid I am of getting covered by it.
This is how bad I wanted chase down…
…the lady at the haircut store..
This kid had better aim…
…than the haircut lady.
His real flip…
…is better than his bottle flip.
This is how disoriented I felt…
…after getting my haircut.
What cats did…
…when they saw my haircut.
Not only did I want to burn Utica to the ground…
…but my hair.
When I saw my hair…
…I wanted to curl up into a ball too.
And this is what…
…it felt like.
I know all you in the US have big plans for Memorial Day, but I hope that it all ends up feeling just as devilish as my haircut. Let me know in the comments what you are going to do to make your weekend the worst.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Bitter Devilish Haircut Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
š¤£Myhubbyhas the same issues. Even with very short hair now, someone can find a way to screw it up for him. But when he gets a good one he wants to save the moment in a time capsule. Lol
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Exactly. I wish the heck I could keep my hair the same as when it cuts and never have it grow again.
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Shave it completely then.
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I would be sleeping on the couch for a while. Until it grew back.
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That were actually pretty cool and let me sleep it off since I had no one to call or pick me up.
Iām starting to think Bitter should be my middle name instead of Bright (I often wonder if my parents ever regretted giving me such a middle name of hopefulness)!!
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I know. Why would someone ever want to give me the name Ben (benevolent) when it’s clear that I’m so bitter.
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Clearly your response was well-intended and meant to be kind towards Ms. Mae ~ I can appreciate the support.
I donāt usually drink (Iām just naturally weird) but the weekend called for nothing less than a feel real sorry for myself.
No judging.
Iām owning falling
Down and liking it.
As Always Bitter Ben ~
#StayFierce
Ms. Mae Enjoys Your Blog.
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I will try to stay fierce, but I don’t want to take your tagline, so I will stay bitter to go along with what my blog tells me to do.
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Bullshit.
Bitter Ben is just ReAL
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My Memorial Weekend consisted of the 15 year anniversary of my lil daddyās death and a terrible fight with my eldest abusive sister ~ which has me now homeless but well worth it.
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That sounds hugely bitter.
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Yes. Yes it is.
So I turned this past Friday night into a much needed dance craze with one too many shots of Good Bourbon and had no way home.
I proceeded to sleep my drunken state off in the parking lot where the cops intruded on my bitter crying drunk.
Assholes.
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Yeah, cops can be terrible sometimes.
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HA! Devil’s haircut! š
Well, it made for a great blog post! š
I’m sure the Devil is happy to share his haircut with others! š
HUGS!!! š
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I’m sure he liked seeing my haircut look just like his. Just made me bitter.
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Devil-horn haircut? Would that get folks to stop asking about church stuff, maybe?
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I would hope so. I would love if it could help other people stop talking to me in general.
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Iām working. Pretty devilish, eh?
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Any time you have to work is devilish. Anytime you have to work on the weekends and holidays is even worse.
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I have resorted to cutting my own hair, when my daughter can’t cut it for me. It usually turns out okay. But truth be told, I never got over the relationship I had with my hair stylist. She moved away ten years ago and life- for my hair- has never been the same. You really don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
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Yeah, I’ve been trying to find some people since I left Seattle. I had some humble, hard working and just plain speedy, hairstylists in Seattle. Now just generic people.
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The struggle . . .
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Everything I do is a struggle, even getting off the couch.
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That struggle is real man.
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You got that right. The struggle will be blogged about too.
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You have a great writerly skill at elevating the mundane. There are columnists who don’t write as well IMO.
ok smoke-blowing over: Yul Brynner, famous chrome dome, said once that having no hair got rid of a lot of stupid vanities. I too didn’t even LIKE my hair, when I had it. When it got long, it was so annoyingly unmanageable that I eventually buzzcutted the whole mess and never looked back. I still love not combing my hair every morning.
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I haven’t combed my hair for a while. Which is kind of bad news because the sides gets a little long and they look terrible. I keep wishing that my hair will make up its mind, but for some reason it lose enough to make me look bad, and maintains enough to make me have to keep cutting it. A pure bitter conundrum.
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Exactly Wilt.
Very sexy!
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You don’t go to a barbershop? I would think that would be a great place to meet other bitter men and complain about the state of the world.
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I don’t like hanging out with other people. That’s probably why. I much prefer hanging out with people online, so I only talk with them on my time and my terms.
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Ha! What’s a haircut? I’m not bitter, I’m…no, wait, I am being bitter.
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I know right? I’m like a few years removed from being completely bald. Just a matter of time before I don’t need to comb at all.
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Sir…
Bald is BEAUTIFUL!
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š At least somebody thinks so! Thank you!
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I am going to shampoo carpets. I am a party hound, I know.
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We could use a little bit of shampoo on our carpets. If you have the time…come on over and will give you some pizza.
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sounds good! I can pour shampoo all over your carpet for pizza! (snickers)
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I would do just about anything for pizza. and snickers.
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I am not a big fan of hairdressers either… Once, my Mom paid me a full make over (color and haircut and all the fuss). I wanted a few red (copper-like) highlights (I have very dark hair)… When I take my glasses off, I am pretty much blind. So the girl went on for a while, putting stuff in my hair, and cutting, and drying, and seeming happy with herself…
Until I could put my glasses back on.
I discovered that she had bleached and colored more than half of my hair platinum blond, in a way that I couldn’t pull them up, someway, and cover some of the blond hair… I called it my “skunk hairdo”… I was devastated. I drove right to my parents’ business, to get comfort (and show Mom what she had paid for…)
When I passed the door, I heard a loud laughter. Needless to say, I didn’t ask Dad what he thought about it!
Ugh!!
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Uggh. The hairdresser has a lot of nerve to do exactly the opposite of what you asked. Also, not cool that mom laughed at you. Almost like she did it for her entertainment.
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At least it is socially acceptable for you to have short hair. My hair is almost down to my butt and I hate dealing with it but I like the way it looks and everyone always tells me how great it looks but its driving me nuts! I would have cut it all off by now (I usually cut it short every couple years) but I want it long for my wedding (I’m engaged) but who knows when we will actually get around to planning it and in the mean time my hair is just pissing me off! Great gifs tho!
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Yeah, hair can kind of be the worst. Women seems to always be battling having too much of it, while men are always battling having too little. Though I can’t stand hair being anywhere around a sink or shower or toilet. My least favorite thing is getting it in my mouth. Shudder.
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Oh Bitter Ben ~
Surely your wife can appreciate a balding mans head…
Goodness.
They are remarkable!
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I hope so. Oddly she doesn’t think I should go full bald because she thinks my head won’t work bald, but she doesn’t mind that I’m thinner.
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It IS socially acceptable for you to have short hair!
Shame on you for listening to Socially UNacceptable of anything a girl wants to do or be.
Have you seen my profile picture?
I own that buzz cut and know I make it sexy AND acceptable
#StayFierceWoman
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Well, I was going to get a haircut, but now I’m not so sure.
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Yeah, you should probably avoid getting a haircut. Unless it was from anyone else but the lady that did mine.
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Those leaping cats! Made my day:-)
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They clearly had nine lives.
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Iām planning to spend three days doing pretty much nothing, unless you count holing up inside my cave reading, TV binge-watching, and playing The Sims as something. I guess I could add something productive to that, like cleaning or writing, but then it would be like any other weekend instead of a holiday weekend.
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That sounds to me like you are doing what I do just about every weekend. And weeknight. And pretty much anytime I am home.
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Well, then be honest, my 3 days will probably also have 6-10 miles of running and some Zumba and weightlifting, too. So that might be a little different from yours.
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Yeah, I’m not sure what Zumba is. Actually, I’m not sure what weightlifting and running are either.
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Thanks again for the Friday laughs! š
Sorry about your devil haircut – (I had a mushroom cut once!) – but hey, you got a post out of it! š
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I know. And luckily I got it fixed. My wife was like not liking it only a week later. I was ready to go back the same day, but I’m lazy and also non confrontational.
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I understand the non-confrontation; complaining about the awful haircut has never got me anywhere at a hairdressers!
Glad you got it fixed. š
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I only got it fixed because my wife gave me permission to get a second one done from a different haircutist a couple of weeks later. Hopefully I won’t be back in another week.
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Oh my, you certainly have good reason to be bitter. I know someone if you want to put out a contract on the hairdresser.
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I would like to have a contract put out on her. I would also like someone that can cut my hair. Oh, wait, just about everyone can do that.
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