I have two brothers and when we were growing up, we caused my parents a few headaches. Whether it was climbing on the roof of our house, jumping off the staircases to the level below, or throwing pencils at each others legs and making them stick (ask my brother about the graphite poisoning I … Continue reading Bitter Noise Pollution
Sarcasm
Bitter Laugh Tracks
When my kids were young they liked to watch Disney shows. While Disney is really good at making future stars out of these young actors and actresses, they are really bad at making them funny. At least at that age. The shows are terrible. And they certainly aren't funny unless you are a kid who … Continue reading Bitter Laugh Tracks
Freaky Friday Giftures
The other day, I was going for a walk on one of the many trails around here and I ran into a cat. It was one of those bitter looking cats that look like Grumpy Cat. It had a scrunched up face and appeared to not give a care in the world that I … Continue reading Freaky Friday Giftures
Offensive Driving Bitterness
As amazing as it might seem, I was less old than I am now. Also, as amazing as it might seem, I was also in much better shape. One of the most bitter things I ever experienced was the old metabolism betraying me, because I was just as lazy then as I am now, but … Continue reading Offensive Driving Bitterness
Four Square Bitterness
On Friday October 13th, my son turned 10 years old. Of course we missed out on a huge opportunity by not having him born 3 years earlier and him becoming a Jason, Freddy or Pinhead. Regardless, since I am free during the days for a few more days, I was tasked with going to Panda … Continue reading Four Square Bitterness
Friday the 13th Giftures
It's that time of the year. The haunted houses are advertising that they can scare the heck out of you. The horror movies are making amazing amounts of cash by scaring the crap out of you. Worst of all, the pumpkin spice flavors are out to take all your money. But I'm not going … Continue reading Friday the 13th Giftures
Butt Dials
When my parents asked me where I wanted to go for my senior trip with the family, I of course said Cincinnati. So maybe it wasn't the most typical place to go, but I am not the most typical person. I just so happened to be a big fan of the Cincinnati Reds, and I … Continue reading Butt Dials
Mystery Oreo’s
I'm not a big fan of mystery movies, because the ending is usually pretty stupid. The killer was usually someone you suspected from the very beginning, but they just made other people look slightly guilty somehow. Or the ending is super lame because if you just knew one thing, you would have figured it … Continue reading Mystery Oreo’s
Slow motion Friday Giftures
Someone must have hit the slow motion button on my life, because I can't seem to keep up. Just yesterday my kids were just starting school and today they tell me they are in 4th and 8th grades. The other day Donald Trump was this rich real estate guy from New York. Just today … Continue reading Slow motion Friday Giftures
Private Property
There is thousands of acres of land on this earth. I know because I took a geography class once. It taught me many things like uh...oceans are full of water, Antarctica is the most populous nation, and Transformers are living on the dark side of the moon. With all this land, you would think … Continue reading Private Property
Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures
I really like the idea of working from home, but only if I'm not actually working from home. I.E. I get paid to do things, but don't actually do things. I've decided that if some people can get money for free on Go Fun Me, so should I. They may say they have a … Continue reading Go Fun My Bitterness Friday Giftures
Rage of the Machines
When I was a kid, it was a different time. Kids got yelled at, punished, sent to their rooms, disciplined and we took it like men and women, even though we were kids. We understood when we did something stupid because our parents told us we did. Our teachers yelled, our principles sent us to … Continue reading Rage of the Machines
CouchLust
Some people really like to travel. I know, because I am an avid glimpser of other people's blog. Well, maybe that isn't true. Maybe I just look at the pretty pictures. But what I do know is that there are a lot of travel blogs dedicated to being on the road more than they are … Continue reading CouchLust
Friday Giftures for Days
The days are becoming shorter and I'm okay with that. Daytime isn't good for you. The is the part of the 24 hours period where you have to do things like work, breathe, shop, deal with people, etc. On the other hand, the night time is when you do fun stuff like TV, video games, … Continue reading Friday Giftures for Days
How to Become Humble in One Easy Step
I've never been much of a motivational speaker, or a Self-Improvement guru. In fact, you could probably say I'm quite opposite. I'm more of a Self-Detriment, or demotivational speaker. But this idea burns so deeply in my defibrillated heart, that I can't possibly keep this information to myself. As Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert and … Continue reading How to Become Humble in One Easy Step
Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension
I used to be a blogging snob, not allowing other people to guest post or do any reblogging, because I thought it would sully the bitter vibe all over this blog. I didn't think anyone else's opinion on bitterness would ever be anywhere near mine, (which it isn't by the way) but that doesn't … Continue reading Guest Post: Stork Reality by Sam at Delusions of Pretension
Is your refrigerator running?
You know the old adage, "Love hurts?" I'm okay with the heart getting hurt. When some girl cold bloodedly tells you that she has been dating someone else for a little while at the same time and she likes him better. Or when you ask a girl to go steady with a big huge cut … Continue reading Is your refrigerator running?
Car Wash Animals
I don't know if you are having a car wash war where you guys live, but there must be some dirty cars around here. Yeah, there are mountains nearby here, so I assume some people drive around in their Jeep Cherokees for car commercials, but man, I had no idea so many people needed their … Continue reading Car Wash Animals
Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures
There's nothing better or more offensive than when Micheal Scott does a character. The best part is that he can always blame it on the character. Much like I do when I blame all the bitterness on Bitter Ben. He is just the worst sometimes. Anyway, when Micheal Scott becomes Date Mike, he is just … Continue reading Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to Meet Me Friday Giftures
Copy and Paste
There have been many brilliant inventions in our time. The Poo Pourri, the Baby Mop, The Nitted Beard Hat and even the Ab Hancer, but one of the ones that we don't think of on a daily basis is copy and paste. It has saved me a huge amount of time in my life. Especially … Continue reading Copy and Paste
Ben's Bitter Blog 