I've often talked about my desire to someday become a cyborg. Seriously, who wouldn't want to replace their creaky knees for something metal and mechanical that would only break down if you don't oil it enough. Replace this ailing shoulder with some hardcore vibrainium that is as hard as Captain America's sheild? Sounds good … Continue reading Bitter Part Extensions
Laziness
This Dream is Sponsored By Little Caesars
When I was in junior high, I was already starting to think about my career, all because one of my stupid teachers told us we had to think about careers. My initial decision was advertising. Then, when I got to high school, I had to take a speech class which wasn't terrifrying at all. The … Continue reading This Dream is Sponsored By Little Caesars
Mr. Clean
My wife likes to torture me with the TV she watches. She loves to watch Hallmark and Lifetime network shows. Even worse though are Intervention. My least favorite of all is Hoarders. Hoarders sickens me. I am not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination. That show makes me sick to my stomach. Not … Continue reading Mr. Clean
Maniac Monday – False Alarms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsmVgoXDq2w I was thinking about doing a new segment here on the blog and what a bitter way to start it then on this Monday when I am particularly bitter about a certain subject. But first, lemme tell you what the segment is called. Maniac Monday, of course stolen by the song by the Bangles, … Continue reading Maniac Monday – False Alarms
Shake Your Money Earner Bitter Friday Giftures
I know you all what my brand is on this blog, Bitter, but if this were an actual brand that made money, what do you think the "catch phrase" would be? Meaning, if this blog was a television show, and you knew the show wouldn't be complete without having this post every week, what … Continue reading Shake Your Money Earner Bitter Friday Giftures
You Don’t Deserve My Best Work
When I started this blog I was just a little bitterling in a really huge pond. I had no other intention except to express my feelings about all the bitterness in the world. A few co-workers knew about it, because they were the ones that called me Bitter Ben. They knew I was bitter about … Continue reading You Don’t Deserve My Best Work
Defense v Offensive
Yesterday we talked about how we could use the bitterness from our adversity to become Superheros. How maybe it is just the extreme that we take that makes us a Superhero. But today let's look at the other side of the coin, the Supervillian. You know that they just took their bitterness to the extreme … Continue reading Defense v Offensive
Superhero Bitter Suffering
We all go through a certain amount of suffering in our lives. Some more severe than others that is for sure. I know everytime I decide to complain, I get an earful from everyone about how there are starving kids in Africa and many people have suffered way more than I have in just about … Continue reading Superhero Bitter Suffering
A Half as Bitter Friday Giftures
On my way in to work this morning, I heard there was a big war that was coming. Some big guy named Thanos was coming from some other part of the universe to earth and trying to destroy half of us. If I might just have an audience with Mr. Thanos, I would love to … Continue reading A Half as Bitter Friday Giftures
I’m ready to sell out
I've never been to a concert in my life. I don't know if it is because I like money, because I want to my ears to work, because no one has ever invited me to one, or be...oh yeah, it's because I hate crowds. We've already talked about my claustraphobia this week. That is one … Continue reading I’m ready to sell out
Lettuce Talk about this Bitterness
The first job I ever had was at Little Caeser's Pizza. I was just a burgeoning bitterling at 15 and my dad told me I had to get a job. The only reason I got the job was because the manager was new and he didn't really know what he was doing either. He didn't … Continue reading Lettuce Talk about this Bitterness
Claustraphobia Bitterness
I don't have a lot of fears, other than a crippling sense of getting older, talking to other people, social anxiety and never living up to my really low ceiling of potential. I'm not afraid of the dark, or heights, or spiders or snakes like everyone else. So maybe I do have one irrational fear. … Continue reading Claustraphobia Bitterness
Stunt Eaters
When I went to college, I dreamed that my degree would propel me to a career in copywriting at a prestigous advertising firm. I would create campaigns for the coolest brands and companies like Nike. What I realized is that my degree forgot to get me any skills. When you don't have any skills employers … Continue reading Stunt Eaters
Storage Unit Bitter Friday Giftures
When we moved here from Seattle, we had a lot of junk. We knew we would only have a limited amount of space, so we had to get some place to put it. We were calling around different places to get rates, when a solution came out of nowhere. My sister's sister in law … Continue reading Storage Unit Bitter Friday Giftures
Work Flexibility
Much of my life is about routine. I don't take adventures to tall mountains even though they are mere minutes from where I live. I also don't go outside much, even though just a little glass and roof seperate me from that. Going outside doesn't excite me. The Great Indoors are what I crave. Why … Continue reading Work Flexibility
Bitter Nomadic Wanderers
When I was younger a friend and I were walking in a neighborhood that overlooked an empty field. He was from Japan and as you know, Japan is very dense when it comes to the amount of people that live there. As we overlooked the field, he replied wistfully that he wanted to be a … Continue reading Bitter Nomadic Wanderers
Bitter Magnetic Forces
Yesterday as I was driving home, my powerful little Dodge Caliber with its V-4 engine and it top 0-59 speed of 10 minutes was being bullied. There were high winds in the area, gusts up to 60 miles an hour. I don't know if you are familiar with how fast 60 miles an hour is, … Continue reading Bitter Magnetic Forces
My Metabolism is Broken
When I was a kid, I played basketball, mowed the lawn, snowblowed the driveway, and did several paper routes. I also worked for a bed delivery company that made me work 40 hours a week delivering beds, all at the same time. I never got tired. You could see my ribs then. That was a … Continue reading My Metabolism is Broken
Hot N Ready Bitter Friday Giftures
Pizza. The food. Cheese, pepperoni, tomato sauce, just the right amount of grease. A circle inside a square box, cut into triangles. And in most cases delivered to your door, hot and ready. Goes perfectly with soda. Foldable, sliceable, fits nicely in your hand. Fits nicely on a plate, and even when you are … Continue reading Hot N Ready Bitter Friday Giftures
Adventure Time Bitterness
I watch a little Youtube because my kids watch it like it all the time and I kind of want to know what the heck they watch all the time. It's like the new TV for millennials. Anyways, Casey Neistat is one of the ones I watch regularly and he does a lot of … Continue reading Adventure Time Bitterness
Ben's Bitter Blog 