A long time ago, in a land not so far away, 3 other guys and I did a not-planned-very-well-at-all day trip to a canyon, in which they decided to be dumb and drive down into ravine in early May. In the location of which I speak, it was a steep climb back up and snow was still on the ground. As previously mentioned, the trip was not planned, so I was still wearing shorts, because, you know, in regular conditions, they would have been totally appropriate for the warm DAYTIME May weather we were experiencing.

To make a really long and boring story short, we got stuck between a rock and a hard place. If we went one way, we couldn’t climb up the steep ravine. If we went the other way, it was a 20-mile trip to the other canyon, where real roads with pavement and not dirt and snow covered roads would lead us safely to someone we could hitchhike to.

We did what any smart and sensible people would have done. We decided to not talk at all about our plans and split up. Two of them stayed in the car all night and tried to keep warm, and me and the other one decided to hike twenty or so miles to the other canyon. As the regular followers of my blog know, I don’t do the outdoors. I have no idea how I’m alive to tell you this story. All I know is that I should have been eaten by a bear, fallen down a cliff, or been killed by the deadly cold. I blame the others for forcing me to go outside. because out there, I’m just a meat popsicle for a bear or a mountain lion. On the other hand, I blame myself for not telling those idiots no. Either way, it would have been a really dumb way to die.

I don’t know if the Dumb Way to Die memes are still a trend for everyone else on Tik Tok, but I don’t really care. Seeing OTHER people do stupid things will ALWAYS be funny to me, as witnessed by the heavy dose of giftures I’ve displayed on my blog since the beginning of time. Some of the giftures I post have actual relevance to the things I write about, but most of them are just ones that amuse me, because they’re people falling and doing stupid things.

If you’ve seen the Dumb Ways To Die Tik Toks you know it’s people doing stupid things, and then pausing at the perfect moment to show what “could” be their demise. I have a pretty good imagination, so I can see in my minds eye how these people would die and I’m all there for it.

If I am blessed to be given the opportunity to choose how I want to go out, you better believe that I’m choosing the most entertaining and dumb way. I hope that my kids respect my wishes and post it on TikTok or whatever funny platform is cool at the time of my demise. I give them permission to pause at the right moment, so it comes at the most humiliating and funny way possible.

If I’m one of the unlucky people that happen to live to be 120 years old, and old age won’t take me, I’m going skateboarding, skydiving, or bungie jumping, which has a 100% chance of me being taken out in the best way. It must happen, or I will not be satisfied. If my death happens in a tragic, yet funny way, I hope it will cause mass confusion. The feeling that I’m kind of sad the old man died, but I can’t help but laugh at how dumb he was to do that.

The funnier Dumb Ways to Die memes are about the husbands that accidentally say the wrong thing to their wives. Most of the experienced husbands know the secret code of what we are allowed to think, but what we are not allowed to say out loud. Every once in a while, a husband forgets or is too inexperienced and hasn’t read the husbandman manual and says the forbidden phrases. Right after he says the stupid thing, they pause and you get to see the husband in the casket at the end.

If you see me die young, you can assume I said something dumb to my wife, I just got a sweet insurance policy and she had just finished watching a Snapped marathon on Oxygen. If that’s the case, blame the butler, because she deserves the money. She’s got a kid that’s in sports and a girl that’s in college. Give her a little break, would you?

I figure we all have to die at some point, so if my life can’t be entertaining, at least my death can be.

Most importantly, it gives me the chance to present some really funny Giftures this week to distract you from the fact that I forgot to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day…

I guess some ways…

Some people might…

Somebody already found a way…

Leo wasn’t the only one that died…

Candy has killed a lot of people slowly…

I’m dying a slow death on the couch…

I guess this guy thought he was in Westminster Dog show…

This guy in the background…

Death by…

I wouldn’t be surprised if I died at hands of Mickey Mouse…

It would be really cool to go out…

My favorite way ever though…

How do you expect to shuffle off this mortal coil? In bed, with dozens of family members talking lovingly of your life as doze off to the next realm? Of do you want to go out in a blaze of glory and stupidity like me?

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Dumb Ways to Die Ben