Mascot Bitter Friday Giftures

Why do you think March Madness the ultimate time of year for so many people? Well, some say it is for college basketball. You know, the crazy upsets, the buzzer beaters and the nail biting games. Or it could be the one-in-a-million shot that you could accidentally fill out a Final Four bracket in your office pool that can that could win you some money. Don’t worry about ever filling out a perfect bracket though. The odds of getting a perfect bracket are way less than winning the real lottery. And you’d probably only win a million dollars.

I’m sure there are other reasons for the Madness of March, like the weather, but for me, it’s the mascots. For 11 months out of the year, you don’t think about them, unless you are dating the poor sap inside of the costume. So many of them are basically the same. The Ram, the Bulldog, or the Tiger. But then the NCAA Tournament comes and these colleges that nobody has ever heard of get a chance to be in the Big Dance. They come with their tiny contingent of players, coaches, maybe even a cheerleader or two, but all of them come with their mascot. And some of them are doozies. Some thing you may never have heard of.

That’s when the Madness of March comes out. Observe: I just googled the Top 10 weirdest mascots on Google.

On the top of the list: Rhode Island School of Design. Name of the Mascot: Scrotie the Nads. I won’t be posting the picture of him (and it’s definitely a him), because censorship, but let’s just say, I’d turn down a lottery sized scholarship to go to this school for this mascot alone.

A few other names in the Top 10: Charlie Choker, Speedy the Geoduck, Sammy the Banana Slug, Artie the Fighting Artichoke (related to Charlie Choker perhaps?), University of Arkansas Monticello’s Boll Weevil (the only thing I know about Boll Weevils are that you can get them in raw cookie dough), and CSU Long Beach’s The Dirtbags.

What I want to know is if Artichoke’s can get a gig as a Mascot, why can’t mine be a Pepperoni Pizza? Well, for now, that will be mine. If you guys have any ideas feel free to leave them in the comments. If you win, you get to design it for me, and send to me. I’ll give you credit or something, and a cash prize of 50 Banana Slug coins. Now let’s get some Bitter Friday Giftures to get the bad taste of Boll Weevil’s out of our collective mouths:

Mascots serve many purposes…

indianapolis colts mascot GIF by NFL
…like showing us that we got screwed on a call.

How to play…

drumming stanley cup playoffs GIF by NHL
…an instrument.

What you are supposed to do…

sliding utah jazz GIF by NBA
…when you go sledding.

They can teach you…

borussiadortmund football soccer bundesliga point GIF
…how to point...

How to properly use…

what did you say philadelphia flyers GIF
…your googly eyes.

How to fall…

bear fail GIF
...without any class at all.

How to have a little…

university mascot GIF
…bit of luck.

They teach you when it is time…

Studying College Life GIF by IUPUI
…to get a drink.

They teach you…

Sport Running GIF by European Athletics
…how to run like a cheetah.

They teach you how to…

nba mascot t shirt launcher GIF by NBA
…shoot straight.

They teach you how to…

raptors mascot lol GIF by NBA
…eat properly.

And most importantly…

Friday Mascot GIF by BCZalgirisKaunas
…they teach you how to leave on a Friday.

There are a lot of crazy things about March, but the mascots are the craziest. We all need one though, so if you have any ideas for me, let me know in the comments. And I guess they can teach you a thing or two, like the mascot above teaching you how to walk out of work today.


Bitter Mascot Ben


12 thoughts on “Mascot Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. I know!
    How about Bitter Bird? You know, that little bluebird with the grumpy face? This would be a perfect mascot for you, because he is a cute guy with a totally bitter attitude.
    At least think about it!


    • I like the idea of a bitter bird, because of the alliteration, but I’m not exactly able to fly, unless I get on a plane, and birds seem to be hard workers. But they are also pretty annoying when people are trying to sleep, so I could try to spin it that way.

      Liked by 1 person

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