Watching people fall is pretty much the best thing ever. If you haven't read (actually viewed would be more accurate) my Friday Giftures posts, they are generally gifs of people, animals, or robots falling. When people fall, you might act genuinely concerned, but don't lie to yourself. You are dying inside when you see someone … Continue reading Maintaining a Bitter Balance
Laziness
The Bitterest Loser
Sunday is usually the day for me to lie down on favorite place in the world. The couch. But my little sanctuary, my safe bitter place from all the world, was very rudely interrupted when one of the essentials of couch dwelling was missing. The very thing that keeps me from moving the most was … Continue reading The Bitterest Loser
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Sun vs. The Rain
I remember a story my mom and dad read to me when I was young. Essentially, there was this dude that walked around with a coat on and the sun and the wind had a bet. The one that could get the coat off the person would win as the supreme ruler of the sky. … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Sun vs. The Rain
The Bitter Barrier Reef of Giftures
As an introvert, I do my best to keep my favorite company (myself)around as much as possible. I try to stay at my desk not talking to people, and pray that they will see the invisible cocoon that I put up to prevent others speaking to me. Unfortunately, some people are very bad at … Continue reading The Bitter Barrier Reef of Giftures
The Underwhelmingly Overrated Bitter 600th Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp1VVWRvvxc You know those movie previews that you see during the SuperBowl that get you so charged up that you are ready to run through a wall to go to the theater and watch it right now? And then six months later when you actually see the movie, you want to take a toothbrush with … Continue reading The Underwhelmingly Overrated Bitter 600th Post
Bitter Post Auditions
From: Bitter Ben(bitterben@bitterben.com) Bitter Entertainment Network(BEN) Staff, As you know I hate meetings with the burning hatred of a thousand hot lava showers, and you hate them like the burn of the Insanity workout, so I'm going to give you information in this email that would have taken 2 hours to do in a meeting. … Continue reading Bitter Post Auditions
Dear Future Ben
Hey Old Bitter Ben, You will probably never see this because I assume you are wearing super thick glasses that only allow you to read huge billboard signs, but you won't ever get to see those because you are stuck inside all day. Either that or you can't drive and can only get to the … Continue reading Dear Future Ben
Slow Start Friday Giftures
When it comes to getting going on the day, I am a molasses starter. I'm not talking about waking up, which I do after the first alarm, or being awake (I only sleep 5-6 hours a night) but getting a start on being productive. But on the other hand, when I'm only productive about 1-2 … Continue reading Slow Start Friday Giftures
Bitter Car Problems
Tuesday at noon I walked briskly to my car (your equivalent of running) for lunch as usual, to escape the mad house that was Monday morning. I put my key in the starter, quickly turned it and it didn't start. Turned it again, and again no go. I didn't have time for it at the … Continue reading Bitter Car Problems
The Ubiquitousness of Bitter Sighs
Bitterness for me has always been a gift. It started at such a young age, that it was my first memory. Before I could walk or talk or even babble, I remember the first time I was bitter. I was chilling in my mom's stomach for about nine months, rent free, warm, posing for … Continue reading The Ubiquitousness of Bitter Sighs
Bitter News From The Couch Vol. 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwWnbbxhkwk There's a reason why I do Bitter News from the Couch. First of all, it is the weekend and where else would I be? Where else should I be? There is no excuse to ever leave the couch on a weekend. And second, how else would I be able to learn so much about … Continue reading Bitter News From The Couch Vol. 3
Bitter Transition Gifture Friday
This week we made the transition from summer to fall. On the calendar maybe. In my mind summer was over looong ago. For some reason the sun and the moon seem to think they are in charge of the changing of the seasons, but they have been overtaken. You know who makes the decisions on … Continue reading Bitter Transition Gifture Friday
The 42 Year Old Version
I know some people loved the Matrix and didn't love Matrix Reloaded, but I loved it for many reasons, so therefore it is great because I said it was. If you don't like it, go to Rotten Tomatoes and let your incorrect opinion be ignored by the masses. Regardless of your feelings about the … Continue reading The 42 Year Old Version
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Customers vs. Customer Service
This epic struggle between customer and customer service started when Alexander Graham Bell grew tired of his wife nagging him all the time to get off the couch so they could go visit her mother who lived like across town. He was like, "Why hasn't someone invented a device where you can just talk to … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Customers vs. Customer Service
David vs. Goliath Bitterness
We all know the story. A huge hulk of a man, strong, armored to the hilt, weapons of all kinds at his disposal, arrogant, taunting a whole nation of people to come and fight him for their country. None of the strong opponents would stand up against him. And why would they? They would get … Continue reading David vs. Goliath Bitterness
Winners and losers Friday Giftures
I'm not a competitive person at all which is great, but my son is, so every time I go to the car, I'm in an Amazing Race for my life with my son. If I was a competitive person, I would be devastated all the time, because I don't think I've beat him in … Continue reading Winners and losers Friday Giftures
Bitter Ben Face
My long, thin horsey face is full of a lot of things. Crap yes, but other things too. It is the home to two dull brown/hazel eyes that are good for seeing right past you into a vast wasteland. They also show you that I am not at all interested in looking at you. They … Continue reading Bitter Ben Face
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Roads vs The Car
Every single day, an epic battle commences between these two bitter rivals. The rubber meets the road. The pavement meets the tire. The asphalt meets the exhaust and when all is said and done both are left exhausted. The bitter rivalry of the week is the car vs. the road. All roads every want to be … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Roads vs The Car
Wiper Blade Bitterness
There are a lot of things that annoy me as you may have already been able to deduce from one or possibly two of my other posts. If you have been able to catch that, congrats on your grasp of the obvious. You and my doctor would get along great. As you might also … Continue reading Wiper Blade Bitterness
Fight or Flight Friday Giftures
Sometimes when you get trapped (in your cubicle, or in a store) there are only two things you can do. You can Fight for Your Right to Party, or you can join the Flight Club, but just remember the first rule about the Flight Club. Do not talk about the Flight Club. Second rule, … Continue reading Fight or Flight Friday Giftures
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