The 42 Year Old Version

Drop some philisophical knowledge on us Neo.

Drop some philosophical knowledge on us Neo.

I know some people loved the Matrix and didn’t love Matrix Reloaded, but I loved it for many reasons, so therefore it is great because I said it was.  If you don’t like it, go to Rotten Tomatoes and let your incorrect opinion be ignored by the masses.   Regardless of your feelings about the Matrix and its philosophical discussions, there is one scene in which Neo is discussing with the head chancellor (or whatever leadery name you want to call him) about the relationship between man and machine.  Despite the fact that machines were currently on the way to kill them, and they should despise machines, the chancellor made the point that we need machines as much as they need us.  At the moment, the machines below them where giving them power for their lights and their heat and other essential things they needed to survive.

Maybe someday, the machines will become sentient (Hollywood seems to think they will) and rise up and rebel against us, but we really do depend quite on them quite a lot, especially these days.  Think about how different your life would be right now if you didn’t have the internet (No Ben’s Bitter Blog? How would I be as bitter right now without it?), phones, televisions, heaters, electricity, toasters, cars, refrigerators, or your Brookstone  Zero Gravity Massage Chair? How would you ever relax at the end of a hideous day of farming or working at the General Store? What would you sit down and stare at on the couch after your long commute in horse traffic on the I-405 Chisolm Trail without your TV? How would you exercise at 3:30 am at the Old West 24 Hour Fitness without your Stair Stepper 2000 telling you how many miles you have to go?

How would you ever do without this fancy machine?

How would you ever do without this fancy machine?

The Head Chancellor in the Matrix had a point.  Regardless of how little we “think” we don’t depend on technology, we do.  And a lot more than we think.  Instead of fighting them and trying to unplug them from my life, I have embraced machines.  In fact, I’ve often talked about how badly I want to be a cyborg.  Metal knees, metal back, metal heart please (so I can stop all the feelings except for the bitter).   Social occasions, would be much improved because my metal brain would not compute what you are saying and just ignore it, or spout out, “Does not compute! Does not compute!” and when I get tired of listening to you for 20 minutes, or grew tired of your idiotic questions (do you use a 5W 30 synthetic or a 15W 40 Conventional to lubricate those joints?), I would have an easy out(battery needs recharging…gottttaaa goooo).

Gotta go, my battery is wearing down.

Gotta go, my battery is wearing down.

Why should we fight our relationship with machines anyways? We so closely resemble them nowadays that we are starting to grow and learn like them.

We don’t evolve, grow or learn, we upgrade.  We don’t have flaws, we have bugs.  We don’t have sickness, or illness, we have viruses.   We aren’t made up of DNA and cells, we are just a bunch of code, a bunch of 1’s and 0’s.

I don’t look at people as a better or worse as they age (or more bitter if we are talking about me), I just look at myself as Bitter Ben version 42.8.248  I don’t look at myself at being more proficient at writing, I just got a more efficient Word Processor that has more features added and some subtracted.  My spelling program is already linked to Google or spell check, so I don’t need that program.   I don’t ignore my supervisor any more over time, it’s just that my ear program has heard the same algorithm way too many times and my  Ignorage 8.0 program has learned to ignore the Clique motivational phrases (Keep working smarter, not harder.)

Supposedly, we are superior in every way to robots and androids and they should just be left to the conventional tasks that are just too hard or mundane for us right? Like running assembly lines or making sure the heat and lights stay on? But they are getting better at thinking.  The IBM SuperComputer beat the one guy in chess. And my computer can spell way better than me (as evidenced by all the red squiggly lines all over the pre edit of this post). Why are we fighting against them? Let’s just upgrade ourselves by combining with them and become Transformers.

That way, when the Chinese President comes to visit Seattle and decides to shut down the Freaking  I-405, so he can treat it like his personal Autobahn if he wants (have you heard of helicopters Mr. President? They don’t even require a road!), I don’t have to wait bitterly in traffic for 2 1/2 hours.  I can just transform and rollout (Take the more direct route home) or better yet, launch a full out assault with the laser beams attached to my head on the Chinese president’s entourage . If you’re gonna shut down traffic, might as well shut it down with style.

If you're gonna mess with traffic, mess it up with explosions.

If you’re gonna mess with traffic, mess it up with explosions.

Join the revolution.  You can fight against it, or just embrace it.  Machines are getting upgraded all the time.  And if I can combine with them to watch TV on my own arm screen or be able to transform into a couch to become even more lazy, I’m there. That to me is the real upgrade.

ARRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Ben 42.8.248

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42 thoughts on “The 42 Year Old Version

  1. I think my children may be part computer already. Certainly, one arm seems to end in an smart phone, although whether it’s physically attached or is just something they carry around at all times is a little hard to say.

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  2. Properly speaking, what does keep you from declaring “Does not compute! Does not compute!” and walking out of an overlong, dull conversation even today? If everyone supposes you’re already a cyborg isn’t that already the benefit?

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  3. “Think about how different your life would be right now if you didn’t have the internet (No Ben’s Bitter Blog? How would I be as bitter right now without it?)” — UNTHINKABLE!!!! …I mean, in our new-found Transformer speak: 0 (as in: “No!”)

    I have decided that Aurora version 29.1 will have a metal heart, per your suggestion, to stop all of the feelings except the bitter. ❤

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  4. That robot soccer goalie is hysterical and I certainly could compare him to some lackluster net-minding play I’ve seen recently in the Premier League but I digress. Unfurl the banner to welcome all technology advances. The machines are going to win eventually. Why impede their takeover? Resistance is futile. Except playing goalie of course. I think we’re better off with a human between the posts. And by the way…great post.

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    • That is the ultimate compliment. Someone giving a show another try. Whether you agree with the philosophies some of them are mind benders that I still don’t understand. But loved the action scenes (especially the freeway one) and some of the twists at the end. I just think people judged it more from how good the original was and not on its own.

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  5. I dunno…computers are great at number crunching and processing linear things quickly….but have often been shown to be lacking in the areas of exceptions or nuance…and it seems like so much (around me anyways) is exceptions and messiness and needs some sharp human to sort thru the chaotic decision tree. I guess I wish humans could just be better at being systematic like machines, but retain the judgement and empathy of humans.

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  6. I’m probably more like Seven-of-Nine. Part human, part machine. Once part of the Collective, now an Individual. Processes input like a computer with a strict firewall. Takes what enables her to grow; discards the rest. Motto: “I will adapt.”

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  7. That chair is pretty immense! But this ever changing world is quite scary! I don’t know about you, but I miss those ‘old skool’ days when a chair was just a chair… And if we were really lucky, it would recline!

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        • Benefits for both me and the chair. The chair can finally stand up and walk (every once in a while) and I get to have the excuse that I’m doing my chair duty by sitting all the time. And also at parties or at stores when I get tired waiting for the wife to finish? Never need to find a chair to sit in.
          By the way, planning on watching your post at some point when I get about 16 consecutive minutes to watch it. And I’m sure I’ll have all kinds of fun watching it!

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        • Haha! I just have this imagine in my head of you in this chair with legs. Have you seen the film WALL-E? (Of course you have, you have kids) when all the people of the future our floating around in lazy boy armchairs with TVs and dinner trays attached… Oh dear God! I hope this isn’t our future! Eeeek!

          And thank you. I appreciate that. 16 minutes is a long time out of a day (totally over ran again! I just ramble far too much!) 😐

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        • Yes, Wall-E I’m afraid is my future, but I’m okay with it. Probably not for you since you probably like walking around. I plan on being crotchedy old man that insists on people wheeling him around on a wheelchair or riding on on the escalator things up the stairs.

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        • Hehe – laziness at a whole new level! I’m the opposite, I need to stretch my legs… Often. I get itchy feet sitting for too long. I need to hop up and start doing jumping jacks or something!

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