Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Roads vs The Car

Coming through!

Coming through!

Every single day, an epic battle commences between these two bitter rivals. The rubber meets the road. The pavement meets the tire.  The asphalt meets the exhaust and when all is said and done both are left exhausted.  The bitter rivalry of the week is the car vs. the road.

All roads every want to be is smooth as the jazz you play on your car radio.  All they want is their face to be free of oil and pollution and exhaust so they can have Clearasil clear skin, and yet all they get are huge zits (potholes) everywhere because cars just seem to want to drive all over them.  Where ever they go, they cars seem to be automatically attracted to them.  Driving all over them, being all heavy and weighing them down.  And when cars aren’t driving all over them, they are sitting on them.  Just like a mean older brother would sit on a younger brother (I would know, I was the older brother).  They claim they are just sitting there because of a red light, but how is the road supposed to know that? So they are supposed to believe that light is stopping the car from moving? And why do they always gather together every morning at 8 am to sit on us and not move for hours? It’s just so mean.

Pothole 1, Car 0.

Pothole 1, Car 0.

Cars on the other hand, all they ever want is run smooth.  To stay together.  They want to be one big happy family.  They don’t want squeaky brakes, or rattly transmission or flat tire.  They just all want to be together and go all places together and really the fastest way possible.  If they could go in a straight line to every place ever, that would be their dream.  But roads just want to take cars on an extreme wild goose chase where ever they go.  How about instead of going straight somewhere we lead you on an obstacle course around the city.  Want to go to work in the 20 minutes it should take? Nope, we are going to lead you on roads that curve.  Want to get there in one piece? Sorry, we’ve got potholes and sewer covers and turtle things in the road so you can’t change lanes smoothly.  And just when you thought you the snow was melted and you can get to work without weather delays? Construction season.  No way you are getting to work without some sort of detour.  You best bring some entertaining tunes on your radio, cause you’re gonna be waiting a while, car.

The Battlefield.

The Battlefield.

The battlefields are out there everyday.  From the  405’s of LA and Seattle, to the I-10’s of Texas, to the I-395’s of DC, and all other horrific commutes of all over the US to the ones of the world, the battle of car vs. road continues to be fought every day.

Who’s side are you on? Does the road deserve to have its smoothness taken away every day by all the vehicles? Is the road a jerk for potholing and constructioning cars to death? And most of all, who is the most bitter?

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH

Bitter Road Warrior Ben

 

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31 thoughts on “Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Roads vs The Car

  1. Never thought much about it until moving to Seattle. Now all I know is hatred and rage directed at every other car around me, as we crawl, shoulder to shoulder, down miles upon miles of roads FOR NO REASON other that the sheer number of people on the road. I’m all heated even thinking about it. Must. Invent. Teleporting.

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  2. ARGH, the bitter battle of bumper-to-bumper traffic! I am on the side of both the road and the cars. You know whose side I am NOT on? PEOPLE’S.

    I could drive windy, twisty roads if those roads were smooth and not full of other drivers. I am a fan of cars actually driving on roads, even if that means occasional upkeep of the roads to prevent zits (potholes). Cars really wouldn’t be all that bad if there weren’t people in them.

    So yay roads! Yay cars! Boo people!!!!!!!!!

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