Bitter News From The Couch Vol. 3

There’s a reason why I do Bitter News from the Couch.  First of all, it is the weekend and where else would I be? Where else should I be? There is no excuse to ever leave the couch on a weekend.  And second, how else would I be able to learn so much about the little things, if I was out doing big things? There is a whole different perspective that you can only get from the couch.

This week we learn the tragic tale of a bitter man, a pizza, and a couch and how redemption doesn’t happen for everyone.  We also learn how a World Wide Day of observance becomes a localwide case of ignorage.

And as always, there is a beginning, a middle, and a bitter end.  There are like a billion reasons why you shouldn’t take three and a half minutes to watch the Bitter News and make me internet famous, but there’s at least one that you should.  Give me three and a half minutes to think about what that reason is while you watch it.  Oh yeah, it’s because it’s freaking Sunday and what else are you doing? It’s not like there is a football game or ten on today.  And I’m sure there are no brunches or naps or church services to attend to on your lazy Sunday.  But imagine this.  Imagine watching a program called Bitter News from the Couch, while being bitter and watching it from the couch.  Talk about your Inception moment.

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter News From The Couch Vol. #3 Ben

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42 thoughts on “Bitter News From The Couch Vol. 3

  1. Let me tell you, it was a really bad idea to plug that air conditioner in while the fire was going. But, you’re right, it’s very hard to fire me, so despite the fact that my eyebrows are a bit singed, I will be back next week. Also, you know the reason I watch Bitter News From The Couch? It’s much easier than reading it myself.

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  2. I suspected the situation was dire, but getting off the couch and ransacking the freezer for a frozen pizza — and one of those ones with a cardboard-thin crust, nonetheless? It’s worse than anyone could have imagined. Don’t worry — help is coming. And it’s driving an ’82 Civic with a delivery signed taped to the roof.

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      • I agree. The hope was that they would pick up on your thoughts and respond accordingly. If you app or text them, that’s going to involve finding a phone — and the whole idea was to avoid the gargantuan task of exerting effort. That’ll pretty much obliterate your weekend right there.

        At this point, all hope might be lost. I’d suggest maybe trying to project your thoughts a little louder. Maybe the guy can’t hear them over the deafening roar of that Civic’s muffler? (But then again, that puts us back in the laborious position of having to leave the couch.)

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