I need Bitter Sound Effects in my Life

sfd

I want the soundtrack that was playing for this guy.

As you know, I’m a long time fan of television and movies.  The thing I like about television and movies is that I don’t have to do anything.  What else is there where you can lay on your couch, eat pizza and not do things? The internet? Nope, that takes pushing buttons and paying attention.  Jogging or hiking? Nope that requires way too much work AND concentration.  Eating at a table? That means you can’t see the TV from where you are sitting.  I might as well be in a prison cafeteria.

Another great thing about TV is on the shows you have the music and sound effects that bring things to life.  You know when to expect a scary thing around the corner, or when to the characters gain a realization.  You know when something is going to get intense or when you are supposed to cry.  The music is the manipulator.

Now, I’m kind of bitter that I don’t have sound effects or a music isn’t following me around wherever I go.

When I’m walking around, why isn’t Super Mario Bros.  World 1-1 music playing?

My walk around music.

My walk around music.

When I wrap up a particularly hard credit at work, why isn’t the music from Man of Steel playing when he triumphs over the Terraforming Machine?

Triumphant!

Triumphant!

When I see my bitter rival at work from a distance, and we are the only two people in the hallway, why isn’t the music from the Matrix when Smith an Neo are running toward each other playing?

Neo-Agent-Smith-in-The-Matrix-Revolutions-the-matrix-22575637-570-300

Bring it, Bitter Rival.

When I get home and kids are causing chaos, projects are everywhere and I need a place to go and be alone, why isn’t the Flight of the Bumble Bees

When I get a paycheck, why isn’t the cash register noise being made?

And a minute later when all the money goes to the bills, why isn’t the Price is Right loser horn going off?

Dun duh duh duh....

Dun duh duh duh….

When I have a genius idea about a post, or for my book or an invention that needs to be invented or an app that needs to make me money, why isn’t a bright light bulb sound effect playing, and appearing over my head, and by the way, why am I not able to grab it so I can finally change the stupid bulb in my ceiling fan? And why can’t I replace all my bad ideas with this new light bulb idea?

When my boss approaches my desk like a stealth ninja and interrupts me to ask me to do something, why isn’t a soundtrack from a scary movie playing?

When I’m driving expertly and weaving in and out of traffic, narrowly avoiding idiots on one side and escaping a tailgater by making it through a yellow light, why isn’t the Batman soundtrack playing?

Going through traffic like the Batman.

Going through traffic like the Batman.

When I’m clumsily tripping over myself why isn’t the music from America’s Funniest Home Videos playing in the background?

And when I’m laying down on the couch lazily watching TV, why isn’t the soundtrack from Napolean Dynamite playing?

Whoever is in charge of all the music in movies needs to give me a call.  I have lots of ideas for different music and sound effects that they can be playing for me.  And they need to start practicing because my music needs to be a little off key for bitterness sake.

What about you? What kind of music should be playing in the background for you?

ARRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Background Battleground Ben

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53 thoughts on “I need Bitter Sound Effects in my Life

  1. At the risk of taking the edge off of your bitterness, I think this is a GREAT post, and I can see all kinds of possibilities for a short film–perhaps for YouTube. If I were the kind of guy who wanted to put an edge ON your bitterness, I’d steal the idea.

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  2. Would the background sounds play only so you can hear them or would everyone else be able to hear your sounds as well? If the latter and everyone else has their own background sounds the world would be filled with quite the cacophony. And could you change your sounds at will?

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    • Those are some interesting questions. I think we should only hear our own. I think if we had an early warning system, we could have spooky music playing as our rival got ready to sneak up on us.
      As far as being able to change it at will yeah. It should be wired to our brains to figure out what will work best at the right time.

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  3. This reminds me of an SNL skit where Miami Vice detectives, Crockett and Tubs, stormed into a room to stop the bad guys in their usual cool way but couldn’t hear anything because the TV show sound track was so loud.

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  4. I’ve often thought the same thing…..where is our music in our moments? I have a couple of songs that are pieces of my soundtrack… “I’m Still Standing” by Elton & “F You” by Lily Allen 😉

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  5. This is brilliant, and I think you SHOULD get a soundtrack, dammit! When I was a kid, I remember wondering why music didn’t just boom out of nowhere the way it did in movies, and why people didn’t just bust out into song, or choreographed dance numbers every time someone’s point needed to be emphasized. I think life should get with it and include sound tracks and dance numbers!

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  6. Oh man! This seriously speaks to me! I kid you not, I can, will and do break out into sound effects to song & dance depending on the situation. While feeling pissed off & cheated last week and walking home via the alley I broke out in full musical theatre angst, Don’t Rain On My Parade!
    (Or FU2, Tango Shoes by Bif Naked also work.) If I happen to do something so genius it would confuse other geniuses, its usually I Love Myself Today by Bif Naked..(cause shes full of inner bitterness as otherwise why say Namaste for literally everything?(just sayin…)

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  7. I tend to make my own sound effects. So when I have a light bulb moment, I sing “Light bulb” in an opera voice. That scares the hell out of people who are near me in the stores. But for the most part this is my theme song and I actually do have minions following me around but my husband – a real party pooper, refers to them as our children. https://youtu.be/MOWDb2TBYDg

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have been known to make my own sound effects, but really I’m too lazy to make all the right ones. And I don’t quite have an opera voice, but I try anyways, sometimes, just for effect.
      I’m glad you are doing your part to scare people in stores, though if they had their own sound effects, they would have the creepy foreboding music to tell them you are coming. So for the most part that is on them.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think it’s my lack of an opera voice that scares them away. I have to admit, I’m glad they don’t have the creepy, foreboding music to tell them I’m coming. It makes my life much more entertaining. Is that wrong?

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