Taking over the world is hard work. Terrorists are constantly trying to do it in movies, governments are always trying to topple other governments and countries one at a time, and Pinky and the Brain have been trying to do it since 1995. Sorry lab rat, beat you to it. Unfortunately for Pinky and the … Continue reading I will soon own Scotland…and then the World
Humor
Misery loves Privacy BFG’s
Last week, I said I was taking care of important business, so I just had to give my blog the average amount of attention. That was because I was dropping my daughter off to college. It was important for me to do so, because she is now attending my alma mater. Which according to Wikipedia … Continue reading Misery loves Privacy BFG’s
Bitter Memory Lane
After the Sun's extensively long starring role in the summer production of Summer, it's overacting finally got a co-star of whose performance equaled it strength. Yes gloomy, rainy and cloudy today stepped into the spotlight darkened the earth and skies. The meteorologists were handing out 100's this summer like Biden is handing out 100's to … Continue reading Bitter Memory Lane
Generic Bitter Friday Giftures
Since I'm going to be taking care of very important business this Friday, I'm not going to be available to you for your weekly dose of bitterness. I know you expect high-quality content every single Friday without exception, because you're greedy and needy. I know you all think I'm a creative genius, and you're right, … Continue reading Generic Bitter Friday Giftures
Emotional Support Video Game
I don't know about you, but I'm fascinated by the story of Steve Jobs. Why? Because he more at things than I have ever even attempted. Failure is the bedrock of bitterness. And if you think I'm bitter, you should see how bitter Steve Jobs was. Not as bitter, but he was one of the … Continue reading Emotional Support Video Game
Dueling Identities Bitter Friday Giftures
Did you know that there are literally millions of podcasts on the internet right now? I didn't know that either, because I'm just guessing. What do you think, I talk about facts on here? Almost everything I write is either made up or mostly made up. But one thing I do know is that there … Continue reading Dueling Identities Bitter Friday Giftures
Kid Icarus Complex Bitter Friday Giftures
I never paid attention much in school when it came to Greek Gods and myths and legends. Turns out I probably should have paid less attention to math and science and more attention the Legends. Because the kind of math that I use nowadays can either be solved by calculators, Excel or YouTube. But the … Continue reading Kid Icarus Complex Bitter Friday Giftures
Taking over the media
When I was in high school, I was a big fan of not having friends. It was mostly my toxic personality, my metal mouthed Resting Bitter Face, and my massive introversion complex that allowed to skate by without friends for the most part. Unfortunately, one guy tricked me into being his friend by bribing me … Continue reading Taking over the media
The Official Water Supplier of Football Player BFG’s
Sports and marketing go together like Bitter and Ben. No movie better encapsulates sports marketing than Jerry Maguire. He taught us really important lessons like, "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" and other things, like repeating phrases over and over to emphasize fairly unimportant things like love. Pam Beasley from the Office was even inspired to abandon … Continue reading The Official Water Supplier of Football Player BFG’s
With Great Power Outages, Comes Great Irritability
If you've ever seen a Spiderman movie or read any of his comics, congratulations, you are just like everyone else. It's only the most done franchise ever (besides Batman). Just last year, we had three different Spidey's from three different generations in one movie. The Tobey Maguire era for oldies like me, Andrew Garfield for … Continue reading With Great Power Outages, Comes Great Irritability
Water We Doing Bitter Friday Giftures
My favorite thing to do at work is chatting and chilling with my co-workers. Who needs headphones or distracting work when you can absentmindedly trade small talk with your co-workers. The day wouldn't feel complete without having to get off your headphones so you can answer such questions as, "Good morning". I feel like I'm … Continue reading Water We Doing Bitter Friday Giftures
Defending My Territory
I was just looking at some photos of Scotland this morning. They really took me on a stroll down memory lane. My favorite memory of Scotland? That I wasn't at work, and I wasn't writing a stupid blog post that would get 15 views and 25 likes. Those were some pretty great memories. If only … Continue reading Defending My Territory
Bitter BrainStorm Friday Giftures
I live in Utah, where it gets pretty hot during the summer (16 days this summer where we hit the triple digits) but it's dry heat, so we don't get near as hot as the humid area people. Luckily, I've figured out a really great way to beat the oppressive heat of the summer and … Continue reading Bitter BrainStorm Friday Giftures
Getting the Job I really Want Bitterness
When I first started my job at a radio company, they had a reader board above the conference room. One of ladies in my department had just celebrated her 15 years there. I had a few reactions to that. My first reaction was, "How could anyone have the endurance to last 15 years at a … Continue reading Getting the Job I really Want Bitterness
Uniting the Clans Bitterness
It's pretty funny to me that companies actually have different departments the each have their own bosses. For instance, the company that I work for has a graphic design department, and an accounting department, and a marketing department. Some people might mistake being in a department as a team of people that work together. What … Continue reading Uniting the Clans Bitterness
Hollywood Destruction Bitterness
As the creator of insanely awesome bitter content that YOU get the privilege of reading/experiencing/bitterly laughing your head off to twice weekly, I understand the value of creating. I take my humor and bitterness very seriously, because you deserve to have the most creative bitter blogging possible. Most people live their whole lives in peaceful … Continue reading Hollywood Destruction Bitterness
Energy Crisis Bitter Friday Giftures
I bet when you woke up this morning, you had no idea that a bitter blogger could solve all your problems. And yet, here we are. By the end of this post, you will not only have the energy crisis solved, but almost all your problems. I don't know if I will help you solve … Continue reading Energy Crisis Bitter Friday Giftures
Noise Cancelling Bitterness
It seems like just yesterday that I celebrated my daughter's 18th birthday. Probably because it was yesterday. It also seems like she was just born. I remember her being born 18 years ago too. She was annoying the heck out of my wife, pushing on her bladder for 3 or 4 weeks at the time, … Continue reading Noise Cancelling Bitterness
Helicopter Parent Bitter Friday Giftures
If there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Thank goodness we can agree on that, because it was starting to look like we couldn't agree on anything. Some people thought it would be world peace or that shark bites are awesome, … Continue reading Helicopter Parent Bitter Friday Giftures
Separation of Person and Ality
I wouldn't say I'm not a fan of Stranger Things, I would just say that I haven't watched it yet. From what I've been told people love it because there is just a lack of great romantic comedies out there, so Stranger Things just fills that void. Normally I would say that Hallmark has the … Continue reading Separation of Person and Ality
Ben's Bitter Blog 