Bitter BrainStorm Friday Giftures

I live in Utah, where it gets pretty hot during the summer (16 days this summer where we hit the triple digits) but it’s dry heat, so we don’t get near as hot as the humid area people. Luckily, I’ve figured out a really great way to beat the oppressive heat of the summer and for that matter, the devastating cool of winter. It’s called the indoors and it’s a pretty great invention. As long as you have a comfortable couch you can survive even 120 and humid, or 40 below.

I would like to take credit for the invention, but I think the cavemen like to take credit. Even though indoor technology has evolved quite a bit since then, I have not evolved much since cavemen. We are still pretty similar, with the exception that caveman get their own cave, while I’m still working on getting my man cave. He had pictures on his wall, mine just have a 120Mz refresh rate. His cave protected him from animals, mine protects me from heat and loud lawnmowers.

Yesterday and this morning I was protected with by my 4 walled cave from a Threat Level Midnight called rain. We got a torrential downpour of 5-10 droplets per hour. Luckily we had a garage to protect me from the water that would have melted me down into the Wicked Bitter of the West. Luckily, I have this mobile shelter called a car. It comes complete with automatic window roller downer things and a system that cools the environment of the car chamber relatively instantaneously. I call it “Air Conditioning” for short. Combined together, I was spared a literal meltdown.

Luckily, we don’t live in Seattle anymore where it rains constantly, or in Southern Utah where they have monsoon-like storms that cause 2 inches of rain in 40 minutes. Otherwise, it would be curtains for this outdoor adverse, paper thin skin I have as protection against the Earth’s “outdoor” biosphere.

I bet you probably wonder how I come up with the flood of bitter content week after bitter week. It’s been 10 years and 1383 posts and I’m still pumping out the content for you, and for free. Either I’m a psycho with nothing else to do, or everything makes me bitter and I must tell you everything I know about it, so you can be bitter too.

Or it could be that I have an amazing amount of BRAIN STORMING sessions. I can’t get even a little wet, hot or cold from weather, but my brain gets drenched with bitter storms of ideas all the time. If you are like me, once you turn on the bitter sprinkler, which I did, um, as soon as I was a zygote, you can’t really turn it off. If you think I’ve written about a surprisingly diverse number of subjects, then you have no idea how many drafts I have in my folder. I just checked in my WordPress draft files and it’s at 1900. And that doesn’t even include all the notes I scribble down in my Samsung Note.

Or the awesome idea I had last night, but I was already in bed and didn’t want to reach for my phone to write it down and I even said it over and over again so I wouldn’t forget…and I still forgot. Needless to say, I have more ideas for bitter posts than most of you have ever thought in your lives combined.

If I wrote every post that I ever brainstormed, I would be writing them for the rest of the 10 lives I was promised. If everyone that ever existed on earth read only one, they would still have to read two. You’ve all been spared by me only posting twice a week. If my brainstorms were real storms, they wouldn’t be drops. They would be pure waterfalls coming down on you constantly forever.

I’ve forgotten more bitter post ideas than all the knowledges of all the Einsteins. I would do this full time forever, but some people need me to work 40 hours a week, and apparently, I’m supposed to eat and sleep from time to time. My kids need me to go to football games and the mall sometimes. If only the whole world wasn’t so selfish asking for my time all the time, I could actually do more of what I was meant to do, which is to thunderstorm all my bitter knowledge upon you, so you could stop being positive and start getting bittertive.

Instead, you’re stuck with this tiny little raindroplet of a Bitter Friday post…

Sorry to interrupt the post…

…but I just brainstormed seventeen more post ideas while this was uploading.

The ideas are coming down…

…much faster than this.

I be starting…

…storms all the time.

Umbrellas won’t…

…be enough.

You’re all going to die…

…before my brainstorms end.

People seriously…

…run out of ideas?

A bunch of…

…amateurs.

The ideas in my head…

…will not stop coming.

I wish there were as many…

…taquitos as there were bitter ideas.

You don’t want to go inside my bitter mind…

…cause it would wrinkle your brain beyond recognition.

This is no…

…Brian storm either.

It’s a Brain…

…tsunami.

Honestly, I feel really bad for all of you, because you go through droughts of not seeing bitter content 5 days out of your week, and 167 hours of your week. I get them all the time. Thankfully, I’m bitter enough to allow you behind the bitter brainstorm curtain a couple of times a week. You’re welcome.

Bitter BrainStorm Ben

6 thoughts on “Bitter BrainStorm Friday Giftures

  1. Utah? Really?? Utah? You’re the only person I know who lives in Utah. I had you pegged for New Jersey or maybe Chicago. But Utah? Never. What are you, Mormon? A polygamist? Do you like to go to lots of national parks or walk on salt water lakes? Wow! I don’t know why it’s blowing my mind so much but it is. I need time to digest this information. Utah! 🤯

    Liked by 1 person

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