Dueling Identities Bitter Friday Giftures

Did you know that there are literally millions of podcasts on the internet right now? I didn’t know that either, because I’m just guessing. What do you think, I talk about facts on here? Almost everything I write is either made up or mostly made up. But one thing I do know is that there are a lot of podcasts. I just happened to come upon one in particular that caught my attention. It’s one starring Micheal Rosenbaum and Tom Welling. They were the stars of Smallville, a show I watched from the beginning to end. Smallville was just a quaint fictional town in Kansas (though filmed in Canada) about a teenaged kid named Clark Kent and his friend named Lex Luthor. There was almost nothing out of the ordinary about this town, other than the meteor show that happened in 1989. Oh and a few people were infected with Kryptonite.

Oh, and some of them had powers. Oh and Clark had a few powers. But other than that, mostly normal. Anyways, on the podcast, the two stars, Tom Welling and Micheal Rosenbaum talk about how when they finished filming the show, they didn’t really want to talk about it much, because of how much time and effort it took for them to do the show. But 20 years after the first episode, they finally felt like the time was right to talk about it again. So, they are now rewatching the show, one episode at a time, and discussing what they remembered happening on set, the behind scenes people they dealt with and answering questions from fans.

They also ask fans to rewatch the episodes before they listen to the podcast about the show they are discussing. Since I always do what I’m told, I started watching them the last two days. I was watching one of the episodes last night where Clark and Lana (the love interest) were talking about how they both had duel identities, one for the people that really knew them and one that they put on in public. Lana was just talking that way because she literally was someone else (a shapeshifter that took on her identity), but Clark was talking about the fact that he was an alien from a place called Krypton that had the ability to run fast, and basically be invulnerable. You know, the kind of secret most of us have.

You might not know this, because I’ve never told you, but I have dual identities as well. You see an average, ordinary bitter blogger that wears glasses and reports bitterness on a blog for the Daily Planet, and works in Metropolis. But I have a side job that I do when no one is looking. I fly around at night, wearing red and blue pajamas and a cape, and save people from happiness. I leap small toy buildings in several bounds. I’m faster than a speeding bullfrog, and more powerful than a loco moco at the Kihea Caffe in Maui.

I’m Super Bitter!

I travel across the kitchens at lightning speed when we get pizza for dinner and can make then disappear. I have the power to transform really happy experiences and people into miserable people with horrible experiences.

I make life much bitter. Experience the bitterness by viewing these horribly bitter Friday Giftures.

I am a skilled…

…flyer.

Don’t worry about my…

…leaping ability.

You know me…

…living that loco life.

Sometimes I’m tasked with carrying…

…very important materials.

Sometimes I have to help keep things…

…safe.

Sometimes I need to keep things…

…in a safe.

I help people look to the stars…

…in the most essential way.

I inspire people…

…to lift above their capabilities.

I help people reach for

…for their cats.

The help others get the strength of…

…a baby.

I inspire you to reach for space…

…on the couch.

I want you to become your…

…your bitterest self.

I know you all have your public persona, but you can do much worse than that. Do more bitter, inspire more destruction become your worst self. I know you can’t do it.

ARRRRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Dual Personality Ben

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