Today is Birthday Eve, which means just like New Year's Eve or Christmas Eve it is the day before the night before something. Duh. I mean really, do I need to explain that to you? Actually, it means that I'm gonna do all kinds of wild and crazy things like get pizza, ignore people, and … Continue reading Pre-Gaming Giftures
Fiction
Customer service
Imma nah let you in on a little background information. A prequel of this blog if you will. It's kind of in the about page, if you haven't read that, but the whole reason I started this blog 4 years ago, was because of my bitterness working in customer service. I kind of moved into … Continue reading Customer service
Comparison Shopper
The best thing about online shopping, other than being able to do it in your PJ's while sitting on the couch, is the ability to compare the pricing and features of your tacky jean shorts, or a totally outdated 1080p only HD TV to a cutting edge UHD TV's on different websites. Back in the … Continue reading Comparison Shopper
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Critics reviews vs. Your views
If you've ever seen Ratatouille, you will find yourself almost cheering for rats. Somehow, Pixar made us believe that it was okay to for rats to infest a restaurant, make a good meal, and inspire a person to believe that no matter their dream, no matter the impossibility of achieving it, they could achieve it. … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Critics reviews vs. Your views
New Year’s Day Giftures
So what did you guys do last night to celebrate? Fireworks? The dropping of the ball? Toasting each other? That was a pretty awesome New Year's Eve last night right? And while I don't do New Year's resolutions because who achieves goals? I do look forward to all the bitterness this New Year will … Continue reading New Year’s Day Giftures
Do not publish file
some post ideas that I'm just spitballing, but don't ever publish this. Kin Kardashian - should I tell them that I actually secretly have a crush on her and I watch the show all the time and only attack her so they don't really think I like her? ISIS - why are people talking … Continue reading Do not publish file
Escaping Reality Bitterness
Movies have been a fascination to me for a long time. I took a class in college about film once and I learned about all about its different aspects. Directing and acting of course, but also about cinematography, screenwriting and editing and how much effect they can each have on a movie. Ever since then, … Continue reading Escaping Reality Bitterness
Introverts Employment Network
Extroverts are the rockstars of this big wide world of ours. They thrive on being in front of crowds, being the life of the party and making a scene. If not for them, cavemen and women may have just died out, because they would stayed home and watched Netflix, read books and only left the … Continue reading Introverts Employment Network
Bitter Easter Disaster
I'm sitting here on a Monday morning, bitter that I'm work. Bitter that it's a Monday morning, bitter that it's cold out. Bitter that I barely slept at all over the weekend. And I just wanted to stay in bed. And yet here I am. For some reason, I am scarily dependent when it comes … Continue reading Bitter Easter Disaster
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Red Pill vs. The Blue Pill
The Matrix is my all time favorite surprise movies. After I graduated college, I continued to be just as much of a dork as I was in college and that meant I went to see a lot of movies alone. I was okay with that because it was really hard to find people as bitter … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Red Pill vs. The Blue Pill
The Bitter 700 Club and Friday Giftures
As you know (just kidding, you have no idea) I just hit 700 posts of pure bitterness. I haven't checked with the Guinness Book of World Records (or is it a Guinness E-Book of World Records only available on Amazon Kindle. I don't know), but I'm pretty sure it is the record of something. … Continue reading The Bitter 700 Club and Friday Giftures
Bitter Wake-Up Call
Some of them come with a beep. Some play music. Some come to your hotel room via old school annoying telephone ring. Some even come with the smell of fresh napalm. Jim Carrey had it wrong when he thought he made the most annoying sound in the word. We all know the most annoying sound … Continue reading Bitter Wake-Up Call
Bitter Bendsetter
There was the one time. So many years ago. I was on the track team in seventh grade and I needed some shoes. My mom took me to Payless to get a cheap pair. They were bright white and very uncomfortable. Everyone saw them. They couldn't really miss them. I wore them for a few … Continue reading Bitter Bendsetter
A Bitter Tale of Two Goats
Come siteth down in a semi circle around me in the courthouse bitizens, as I Bitterian Ben, the court bitterian, regale you with a true tale of a King's two goats, some bitizens, and some blackberries. And when I say goat, I don't mean G.O.A.T. as in Greatest Of All Timeth, but goat as in … Continue reading A Bitter Tale of Two Goats
Chip on Your Shoulder Bitter Giftures
I was born with a overgrown chip on my shoulder which contributed to my acute bittertosis. This chip contributed to my lifelong bitter rivalry with Scouts. Last night as we went to the concert(don't get all excited, it was my son's 2nd grade space concert), which caused us to show up late for his scout … Continue reading Chip on Your Shoulder Bitter Giftures
A Day at the Improv
I'll never build a house. Never fix a car, fly a jet, be a CEO, run a country or become the president of something (even if I'm the only survivor of the apocalypse, I will still only get elected vice president) nor will I do the counting of the votes for the accounting firm for … Continue reading A Day at the Improv
Next Man(or Woman) Up Bitterness
In the team sports world, there's been this concept lately that has popped up, called Next Man or Woman up. Essentially it's where a teammate gets injured or "accidentally takes a sleeping pill over and over again that seems to show up exactly like steroids in their system" or a teammate"accidentally walks into a bank … Continue reading Next Man(or Woman) Up Bitterness
The Time Thief
I worked a shift at the jerk store this weekend. I passed out some sample insults, sold some high fives to the face, locked people out of bathrooms, and started a food fight in the cafeteria. When they finally let me go home 4 hours late, I lazed on the couch, ate my typical food … Continue reading The Time Thief
The Jerk Store called and said they ran out of Bitter Giftures
Who is ready for this week to end? Who has had just about enough of this crap? Whose eyeballs just can't take it anymore? Yeah, me either. If you think you are sick of reading this blog for a fourth day in a row, how do you think I feel having write it for a … Continue reading The Jerk Store called and said they ran out of Bitter Giftures
Coming Soon – A Bitter Rap Musical
You know how you feel way more comfortable being a psychopath at home than you do at work or other public places? Like for instance, you have no qualms about using weird voices or talking really loudly or walking around with no shoes or socks on? Just me? Whoops. Well, there is this thing we … Continue reading Coming Soon – A Bitter Rap Musical
Ben's Bitter Blog 