I was born with a overgrown chip on my shoulder which contributed to my acute bittertosis. This chip contributed to my lifelong bitter rivalry with Scouts. Last night as we went to the concert(don't get all excited, it was my son's 2nd grade space concert), which caused us to show up late for his scout … Continue reading Chip on Your Shoulder Bitter Giftures
Bitterness
A Day at the Improv
I'll never build a house. Never fix a car, fly a jet, be a CEO, run a country or become the president of something (even if I'm the only survivor of the apocalypse, I will still only get elected vice president) nor will I do the counting of the votes for the accounting firm for … Continue reading A Day at the Improv
Next Man(or Woman) Up Bitterness
In the team sports world, there's been this concept lately that has popped up, called Next Man or Woman up. Essentially it's where a teammate gets injured or "accidentally takes a sleeping pill over and over again that seems to show up exactly like steroids in their system" or a teammate"accidentally walks into a bank … Continue reading Next Man(or Woman) Up Bitterness
The Time Thief
I worked a shift at the jerk store this weekend. I passed out some sample insults, sold some high fives to the face, locked people out of bathrooms, and started a food fight in the cafeteria. When they finally let me go home 4 hours late, I lazed on the couch, ate my typical food … Continue reading The Time Thief
The Jerk Store called and said they ran out of Bitter Giftures
Who is ready for this week to end? Who has had just about enough of this crap? Whose eyeballs just can't take it anymore? Yeah, me either. If you think you are sick of reading this blog for a fourth day in a row, how do you think I feel having write it for a … Continue reading The Jerk Store called and said they ran out of Bitter Giftures
Coming Soon – A Bitter Rap Musical
You know how you feel way more comfortable being a psychopath at home than you do at work or other public places? Like for instance, you have no qualms about using weird voices or talking really loudly or walking around with no shoes or socks on? Just me? Whoops. Well, there is this thing we … Continue reading Coming Soon – A Bitter Rap Musical
The Bitter Battle at the Grocery Store Corale
Yesterday's post was about the Beneral Election for President of the Bitter Blog of Bittermerica. Or was it? Nope it actually wasn't. Yesterday was simply my way of saying it was my four year Bitter Blogiversary and not one person commented on that. Aaaand that makes me bitter. Either everyone knew but just didn't say … Continue reading The Bitter Battle at the Grocery Store Corale
The Bitter Beneral Elections
On March 8th, 2012, exactly 4 year ago, we elected Bitter Ben to become president of this Bitter Blog, because, well, no one else ran. But now that his four years are up, it is time for someone, anyone else to step up. We need to elect a new leader of this blog. Bitter Ben … Continue reading The Bitter Beneral Elections
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Manual vs. Automatic
When there was a power outage last night for a few minutes, I went into a bitter rage. I expect when I click a remote control or flip on a light switch or hit a power button that those things turn on. How could the lights have the audacity to betray my laziness? I pay … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Manual vs. Automatic
Candy Crushing Friday Giftures
I'm not sure why Candy Crush is so popular, because why would you ever want to crush candy? There are a lot of things in this world that are worthy of being broken and I think while candy isn't the last on the list, it is pretty close to being the last thing I … Continue reading Candy Crushing Friday Giftures
Finally Bitterly Published
I've got announcement to make that should make everyone pretty bitter. No, I'm not running for president, because I'm afraid I would actually win, and that would require working and pretending to be important and stuff and that just doesn't fit my schedule. It would interrupt my deep couch sitting and heavy snoring. Oh and … Continue reading Finally Bitterly Published
The Core Four
I am a man of simple means. If you were to raid our house or burn it down (because you were super bitter about something I did to you or said about you) you would have to be pretty ambitious to get to stuff that I own that actually matters to me. You'd have to … Continue reading The Core Four
Extra Day Bitterness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLpDiIVX0Wo You know that advertisement for Extra gum where the guy meets the girl in high school? They have all kinds of special moments so he starts drawing them on Extra gum wrappers? Then he proposes to her by showing her all the drawings he made on the wrappers? Talk about giving extra to get … Continue reading Extra Day Bitterness
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Inside vs. The Outside
It's the Oscars weekend and you know what that means. Actually, I don't, so if you know, can you tell me? Because I have no idea. I think it has something to do with some very wealthy and famous people, dressing up like it is prom and then nominating each other for the king and … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Inside vs. The Outside
Clean up in Aisle Friday Bitter Giftures…
For a guy that is a big slob that makes messes both literal and figurative, it is kind of ironic that I am in charge of cleaning up after people all the time. Obviously I don't mean clean up in a literal sense, because that would require me taking steps off my couch or … Continue reading Clean up in Aisle Friday Bitter Giftures…
Fail Hard 2: Fail Harder
I've been feeling a little down lately. You know that feeling you get when just feel like you could be so much more? That feeling where you just aren't living up to your full potential? I've been working my whole life to make a difference and just can't get over this proverbial hump. I just … Continue reading Fail Hard 2: Fail Harder
If I had a Self Driving Car
Google is good for a few things I guess. Like baeing my spelchck, being a Pac-Man emulator in a pinch, helping me remember how to get to Google.com and Facebook.com when I get too lazy, or giving me directions home when my memory loss kicks in. What were we talking about? Oh yes, and the … Continue reading If I had a Self Driving Car
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way
As I mentioned earlier this week, I grew up in South Dakota. A little known fact about South Dakota. The streets went uphill both way. The street always had 4 feet of snow on them every day of the year. There were no cars or calculators, or technology. Heck, there wasn't even Google. My eyes … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way
Up Bitter Creek Friday Giftures
I just heard that it reached 90 degrees in Arizona, which I'm told is the record for earliest 90 degree day there ever. This happened as the rain continues to drizzle in the plizzle where I livel fo shizzle. Did you just see how my language devolved into 1990's Snoop Dog? How uncool was that? … Continue reading Up Bitter Creek Friday Giftures
Sick daze
If you've ever met me, you know that I can't stand sharing. When I buy a pizza, and you see me eating it and you comes up to me and ask, "Can I have a slice?" you will see this facial expression that says not only no, but infinity and beyond no. I will think … Continue reading Sick daze
Ben's Bitter Blog 