We want Bitter Ben out!
On March 8th, 2012, exactly 4 year ago, we elected Bitter Ben to become president of this Bitter Blog, because, well, no one else ran. But now that his four years are up, it is time for someone, anyone else to step up. We need to elect a new leader of this blog. Bitter Ben has taken literally no advantage of his power and has run this blog into obscurity. What was once a thriving community of super bitter people has been turned into bunch of citizens who actually care about things outside of their little worlds. This menace to society, bitterness, apathy and laziness, cannot be allowed to continue as the President of the United Bitter Blog of Bittermerica.
He will try to continue his bitter reign by laying around his couch in hopes that no one else will give a care about running for this highest job in all of this blog, but this blog is whining for help. Clearly there is someone lazier, bitterer, or less qualified for this job. Can I get an ARRRRRGGGGH? Can I get an exasperated sigh, an eye roll, or even a whine? We need to rally around someone else, any one else to please just take over this blog.
We need someone with energy…
The blog climate is in dire straights. We need someone that cares about the environment…al theme of this blog. We need someone to gives 2 craps about global warming…of the hard drive. We need some who can affect the climate change…of topics around here. We need someone who cares about the energy crisis of Ben in the mornings…and afternoon…and evenings.
…who cares about the environment…
We need to elect someone that cares about fiscal irresponsibility. Someone who will misspend on the least important things, and forget about the really important things. Someone who misunderstands the relationship of supply and demand of posts people want, who will find just the wrong bloggers to be in debt with, who can mismanage the blog housing market, and will fund the Maddoff’s of the blogosphere. Essentially we need someone who understands how to run the benconomy into the ground.
…knows the benconomy…
We need someone that will be open to immigration…of posts, whether they be from registered platforms like WordPress, Tumblr, or Blogger, or unregistered ones like MySpace, Friendster, and AOL. We need someone who will let any old virus, malware or bitterware in. The posts of this blog deserve the least amount of protection from outside these walls.
…knows how to deal with immigration…of posts…
We need someone that is soft on crime and will accept bribes from well established special interests advertisers like 1%er’s Nike, Ford, Comcast and Geico, or bottom of the barrel click baits, like “Here’s why movie characters eat at the most inappropriate times”. We need someone who will crowd and confuse this website so even the most optimistic of traffic will run screaming from the Bitter Blog.
…knows how to do business…
We need a bitter president that will weaken our relationships overseas. Someone who we can count on to give us the weakest possible global presence. Someone who will offends citizens of all other blogs, no matter their nationality.
We need a Bitter President who will not only strengthen the bitterness of the website, but will also encourage us to weaken our bodies with pizza eatage. He or she should also encourage other varieties of foods that are bad for us, like pasta, bread, things with mercury in them, straight sugar drinks, high buttery foods, and french fries. They should discourage the usage of vegetables, salads, kale, and other green and gross looking health stuff.
…and how to eat healthy…
And most of all, we need someone who will ignore the citizens of WordPress and not respond to their comments. This “listening” and “responding with rational thoughts” has gone on long enough around here. We need someone who will help the citizens understand that their thoughts and issue DO NOT matter around here, and are not welcome. The CITIZENS TO NOT RE-ELECT BITTER BEN FOR PRESIDENT OF BEN’S BITTER BLOG wants your vote and need your help in finding the next bitter president of this blog. Please send your contributions to this site and let your voice be heard. Who will help us find the next Bitter President of the United Bitter of Blogmerica?
…but most of all just knows how to listen.
Tell us in the comments who you want to be next bitter president? How much money will your contribute? How much bribe money can you give? Do you want to be bitter president? Let us end the 4 year run of Bitter Ben…Please! Make this blog bitter again!
Show your support by saying ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Takeover of the Blog Ben
Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com! You registered on WordPress.com 4 years ago! Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Love to help but it sound like way too much work.
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Yeah, I know. Otherwise I would have accomplished things.
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4 years!! Congrats Bitter Ben! You are a veteran blogger!!👍💕💕 keep writing bitterly!!😂
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Well, I think as long as I have a bitter thing in my head, I will always bitter blog.
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😂
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Now that is a food contest. 😆😆😆😆😆
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It’s a diet I hope we adopt more of in this country.
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Well, so far I know = fruits and vegetables are food materials to make a diet
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Those seem to be really boring things to eat. Snickers and pizza are my balanced diet. A good balance of sugar and salty.
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well, if you want to have a lunch and dinner with your friends, that will be a good match. ^_^
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Yep, it will be a great dinner of Snickers and pizza.
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You mean it’s not like the Supreme Bitter Court — a lifetime appointment? If anyone deserves to be bitter for the rest of their life, it’s you BitterBen. Now I’m really bitter. And tired. Too much keyboard pounding in one day. I’ll be over here on my couch. Wake me up if there’s a recount. On second thought — don’t.
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Sometimes I wish it was because I really hate campaigning on the couch every four years, but thems the rules. I don’t fight against them, because I’m too lazy.
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Hate to say this, but you’ve got my vote for the next four years. I cannot bring myself to vote more frequently. That would involved too much effort. Bitterly tolerate your reign!
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Great, now I have to continue to get up off the couch? That stinksss.
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What’s Tonya Harding up to?
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She would be a great candidate if she came forward..with a knife.
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Or a baseball bat.
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And if you are a fan of puns like I am, she is very knee-dy.
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And despite being a crazy bitch, she always managed to skate by…
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Ice see what you mean.
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Ok. I’m done. I’m supposed to do something like work today.
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Yeah, me too. Pun battle over.
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No one comes close to your leadership in bitterness. My vote is for you…even though rumor has it that you are finding nonbitter retorts more often. Careful, we don’t want to lose such an awful leader as you.
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I will try to be my awful best so I don’t lose my presidency, but some people are trying to be more lazy than me and that isn’t acceptable to me.
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Nooooooooooooo new President! We only want you! No one can replace you Ben like EVER!
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Well, since no one is really stepping forward, it looks like you are going to be stuck with me for a while, though the general election isn’t until November, so we will see if someone steps up to challenge my laziness and bitterness.
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Uh oh, Ben’s bitterness may be faltering. There have been recent sightings of levity and optimism. Conditions may be ripe for a cynical takeover.
You may need a truly disgruntled sergeant-in-arms to consolidate apathy. I’m not your guy, but there must be someone out there ready to take up the fight while eating Hot Pockets and grumbling.
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I was going to suggest Grumpy Cat or Tommy Lee Jones, but they didn’t feel like writing on my blog.
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Ha! See now, Grumpy Cat would work, but Tommy lee Jones feels downright motivated to me.
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But he has the best bitter face ever (besides mine).
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Well, that’s true…
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AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH.
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Thanks for vow of support for that other guy trying to take over the blog.
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Unfortunately, I am not bitter enough or else I would’ve ran as the first African-American woman running for President of United Bitter Blog of Bittermerica. I could’ve made history. Damnit and my plant-based lifestyle. Le sigh.
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Yeah, that’s too bad you aren’t more bitter. This blog could have used a little more variety. You would’ve been a better bitterer than me.
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Aww that’s the sweetest compliment! Thanks. I’ll try to get bitterer for the next term. 😉
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Well, it has been kind of a me only blog on all the writing on this blog. Maybe if you wrote on here, we could equal some actual good writing!
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Maybe… lol
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I think the fact you may have to continue for another term should make you incredibly bitter and therefore the best bitter person for the job 😁
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I think I’m definitely the best bitter person for the job, but the guy that hijacked my blog clearly thinks there is someone more bitter than me.
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4 more years! 4 more years! XD
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No way. Too much work…
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Maybe you can dig up Lyndon Johnson?
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I’m sure he rested even more peacefully than me.
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I vote to re-elect Bitter Ben. There. Now I’ve voted and I’m done with it. I don’t really care who actually wins, but Bitter Ben is the only one I know of who’s running. So let’s re-elect the bitter bastard. He was a lousy president before, and I’m sure he’ll be even lousier the next four years. And that will give everyone something to be bitter about.
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I think Grumpy Cat is running. Tommy Lee Jones, and a few other grumpy bitter people. I’m just counting on people like you to be lazy and not get informed about the other candidates and just vote for me. And you know 4 more years of me having to do work is pure bitterness.
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Now I’m bitter because you mentioned MySpace. I still miss it.
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And they miss you. And all of their previous 100 million customers.
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So why don’t they ever write? Or call? Or hit me up on Facebook?
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That’s pretty funny. I’m shocked you didn’t get hit up on Facebook by MySpace.
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Four More Years! Four More Years!
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I may not survive that long. Too much pizza.
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Argh! No wait, that just ain’t it, I sound more like a constipated pirate. Plus, I am preparing a lovely meal with kale as we speak. Ergh, write. So sorry Ben, I’m afraid it’s all going to come down on your shoulders again, running this Bitter Blog for eternity and beyond 🙂
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Just extend out each of the A R G and H’s and you will have it. Please tell me you are adding lots of cheese or something unhealthy to the kale? I guess my laziness will get me re-elected again.
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I added a smoked kind of sausage containing tons of fat? 🙂
And I don’t think anyone but you could get the AAAAARGGGHH just right. You better keep at it, Ben.
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There is quite a science to writing the AARRRRGGGGHHHH. Not easy for just anyone to do it.
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I am bitter about Ben and all of the above mentioned issues that are not creating enough agitation, irritation, and downright bitterness. I want to be the president of Bitter. I am far more bitter than anyone I know. Having to comment makes me bitter. Arggggh! I hate pirates. Don’t let Ben see this.
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The bitterness about pirates is a good start. Perhaps you can start a campaign against him on the pirate platform?
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Oh I’m ready to light onto those pirates. 🙂
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It’s time to plunder and pillage this shipwreck of a blog.
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I was gonna say me when it sounded like all I’d have to do is sit on the couch and ignore people but now it just sounds like too much work and I already know that there’s not much pay involved.
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You have to be bitter and then write a lot of stuff about it. I don’t think you are lazy enough for the job. We are just looking for someone else to take over for him.
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Sadly I would have to agree with you.
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Keep dreaming about being lazy like me someday though.
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