It’s that time of year when the sun is out, the birds are chirping, the days are longer and the porch is calling for you to drinking a nice refreshing lemonade. The kids are out playing in the yard, running through the sprinklers or happy playing in the yard. So why not kill that buzz really fast, by going on the 2 week ritual we call a summer vacation road trip. Overpack your car, find some annoying tunes and get ready to enjoy your family members even less in a space even more cabin fevery than you house. Since the sun is really getting to you and you can hardly stand it at all anymore, have I got a destination for you!
There is nothing like the cloudy, depressing weather and crystal cloudy, algae filled lakes of the Puget Sound (that’s Seattle area for you non hipsters out there). The cold, musty smells, the tree blocking views, the gray depressing clouds Seattle are here to inspire you to love where you are from.
Take in a depressing, nonsensical protest downtown! Feel the bitterness and frustration of a parade downtown that slows traffic to an absolute crawl to remind you of the daily grind you were just trying to escape! Take in an already boring game of baseball, and add in a tradition of losing and you can enjoy as a family a depressing game of baseball with the local Seattle Mariners!
Blend in the local tree hugging hippies, or a crazed tree climbing weirdos by not showering or brushing your hair or wearing makeup. And if that doesn’t bore you to tears, take in an even more boring tour of the Museum of Flight. Relax from daily worries by going on a hike of Mt. Rainier that will make you want pray for the days when you could just sit around at work!
All these wonderful activities are going to require that you stay in a really expensive place with amazing views right?
Wrong. I may be a little late to the Air BNB trend that is going on, but I have finally hopped on the bandwagon hoping to cash in on some suckers ready to abandon their money and their common sense.
I’m now an official owner of an Air Bitter N Bitter. Come experience their chore of being here on vacation in a place that will match the bitterness of your vacation brick for brick.
Here’s a description of the place you will unfortunately be stuck staying at: Basement dungeon available for week long adventures in frustration. The musty smell of desperation and despair waft into every tiny space. Amazingly views of the dirty windows and metal egress openings just outside it, giving you a feeling of being trapped and uncomfortableness. Kitchen style table great for gathering around to talk about the depressing vacation, complain and fight bitterly, or to talk about the excursions that will most certainly fail to impress. Lay by the dirty ditch filled with water just outside for a tense evening of sunburning and mosquito biting.
Go on a safari in the nearby wooded area, where you can get scratched up by local fauna, and attacked by local wildlife. Get lost in an adventure where your compass breaks and you just can’t make it back for days. Rent mules for the day and go on a troubled ride through meadows full of tall grass and loud insects. Or venture to one of the 1 star local watering restaurants that make McDonald’s look like a McDonald’s.
Reservations are filling up extremely slowly, so don’t delay or you might not miss out on your nightmare vacation you will unfortunately never forget.
Bitter Air Bitter N Bitterer Ben