What’s with the Cannibalistic Cereal?

Doing my cow potato duty.

Doing my cow potato duty.

I was laying in my Lazy Ben recliner the other day, watching some TV and some commercials came on. As an aside, I’m pretty bad at most things, but I’m pretty good at recognizing patterns. If there were ever a job that required me to point out pointless and dumb similarities that two people had, I would be at least the Vice President of Recognition. I’m always pointing out how this person in a movie was in this one other movie to my wife, or seeing someone in totally random place at the mall and pointing out that they look totally like that one celebrity. I guess it has always been a gift to have this totally useless talent.

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Talking owls in America’s Best commercial.

I know most of you skip commercials on your DVR’s, but I’ve always liked watching commercials, probably because I wanted to be a copywriter until I figured out that no one wanted to hire me.  So, as an extension of my pattern recognizing talent, I have the ability to recognize ad campaigns that are similar to each other. Like for instance, there are two different campaigns, one for America’s Best Glasses, commercials and one for local college WGU, that feature wise talking owls that dispense wise advice, and both of these wise owls recommend things to humans, and the humans try to make owl puns, which are funny to them, but not to the owls.

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Talking owl in WGU commercial.

While talking owls are absurd, it is allowable for them to be in those commercials because they are a symbol of wisdom. But another set of recent campaigns that is kind of disturbing to me is the cannibalistic cereals. Ever seen these? Both Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a cereal called Krave, are essentially cannibalistic cereals. Essentially among these two cereals it is survival of the fittest. Or even more cruelly, survival of the best prankster.

Krave eating its own kind.

Krave eating its own kind.

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Cinnamon Toast Crunch cannibalizing.

These strange animated cereal’s play practical jokes on each other just so they can eat each other. If these kind of shenanigans happen in our culture, we are horrified. But since these things are animated, and adorable creatures that look tasty to us, we are completely fine with it?

I know a lot of the headlines are grabbed by a woman who is leaking private emails and a guy with bad hair talking about building walls, but can we perhaps look at the real issues here? Why are we allowing cereals to eat each other? How is something going on right in front of our faces and we are doing nothing about it? Wake up people. Fix this issue. So I can go back to my Lazy Ben recliner and watch some good commercials.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Non Canabalistic Ben

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59 thoughts on “What’s with the Cannibalistic Cereal?

  1. This reminds me of Shopkins. Are you familiar with them? The human characters have little food friends who talk. The humans also have shops where they sell their little friends.

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  2. Ads for hair products. Have you ever noticed how they’re totally identical? Women waving their long
    shiny tresses around. Please, Ben, get off the couch and fix this.

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    • And their ability to be smart advisers to people. And their hidden ability to talk. I forgot to even mention that Progressive or Geico used them in ads, but then again, they’ve used just about everything.

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  3. I saw a commercial once for Pop Tarts, where the baby was eaten, or some sick mess like that.

    I couldn’t bear to eat a Pop Tart for a week. One would think it’s bad advertising, especially for young children. Oh well, I guess my opinion is few and far between because it’s still on TV.

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  4. I was just thinking about those Honey Nut Cheerios commercials when the bee comes flying around with the box of cereal. I know the bee seems all warm and friendly, but in a normal situation, I would have squashed that bee SO FAST. Maybe that makes me cold hearted.

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  5. I’ve always hated it when ads showed foods – any foods, not just cereals – with happy, smiling faces, la la la, frolicking in a field or whatever… and then BOOM, evil human mouth comes to eat them.

    Even worse is when the foods are still obliviously smiling as the fork lifts them to their doom.

    WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA??

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  6. You’re right. Think of the example they’re setting for our children. We need to send missionaries to the cereal factories, to convert those heathens. But the cereal I eat has already been converted. It now survives by drinking up all the milk in the bowl and getting completely soggy, before I can eat the first bite.

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  7. I agree, cannibalistic cereals deserve more press time. I’m kinda sick of RNC and DNC. Why all the hoopla when we already know the ending? Two doofuses will compete for POTUS and one of them will win. It’s scary, no matter what. Back to my cereal 🙂

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  8. Cinnamon Crunch, don’t you know that no means no! Re the talking Owl eyeglass commercial…Someone actually got paid for coming up this …ad? when I think of the money I could have made had I gone into advertising!

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  9. You raise a good point about our permissive society’s attitude toward cereal cannibalism. Clearly this is another example of our moral failure as a country. I do hope one of the presidential candidates takes on this issue at a presser.

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