Back in high school, I was assigned to do a group presentation about something boring to our class. It was a bunch of really boring facts, where most of the groups just stood up, and presented the facts the same old way. I didn't like boring, so I asked everyone in the group if we … Continue reading Categorical Failure Bitterness
comedy
Bitter Code Reuse BFG’s
My wife likes to make fun of me because I'm a routine-oriented guy. I go to sleep at the same time, I wake up at the same time. I eat eggs and peanut butter sandwiches all the time. I always blog on Wednesday's and Friday's. I have a lot of the same daily routines at … Continue reading Bitter Code Reuse BFG’s
50 Reasons to Be Bitter
Since I'm 50 years bitter today, I'm supposed to be having my mid-life crisis, but since we all know that I'm not making it to 100, that means I'm well past my mid-life crisis and should have had it a while ago. But since nobody really tells you when this life is over, it's not … Continue reading 50 Reasons to Be Bitter
Filling in the Plot Holes BFG’s
The weather people in Utah spent all last summer moaning and complaining about the apocalyptical drought we were going through. They warned us to stop watering our lawns and demanded that we stop drinking unless we were on drop from dying of dehydration. We were assured if we brushed our teeth and let the water … Continue reading Filling in the Plot Holes BFG’s
The Bitter Corruption Industry
Ten years ago, I was living in Seattle at the peak of my misery. If you've lived in Seattle, you know there is only two seasons. One lasts 11 and a half months and it's cloudy, cold, rainy, wet and windy. The other two weeks, the sun vacationed in Seattle, but it was only for … Continue reading The Bitter Corruption Industry
Electric Blue Bitterness
I've spent most of my life trying to spread bitterness like most people spread frozen butterness on their toast. Just like the spreaders of butter on toast, it's hard work and it rarely works out how I want it to. After spreading bitterness for almost 50 years, I finally decided to make the world better … Continue reading Electric Blue Bitterness
Phantom Zone Bitterness
I don't know if you've noticed, but when it comes to the DC Universe, there are two Co-Alpha Dogs. The two of them are so strikingly different, that they would be on par with how different my two kids are. You know the two I'm talking about. Superman and Batman. Before all the epic DC … Continue reading Phantom Zone Bitterness
Top 10 Lists of all Top 10 Lists I’m on BFG’s
Back in 1996, the NBA released their list of the Top 50 players of all time and as soon as they did, they created a debate among fans. It got them what they wanted, which was a lot of attention to the game. At the time, most people agreed that Michael Jordan was the GOAT, … Continue reading Top 10 Lists of all Top 10 Lists I’m on BFG’s
Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s
A long time ago, in a land not so far away, 3 other guys and I did a not-planned-very-well-at-all day trip to a canyon, in which they decided to be dumb and drive down into ravine in early May. In the location of which I speak, it was a steep climb back up and snow … Continue reading Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s
Playing in the Sandbox BFG’s
One of my first memories was when I 5 years old. My mom gave me and my younger brother some Superman and Batman pajamas. We were so excited about our PJ's that we decided to start fighting crime right away. This was back in the late 70's, where parents let their kids roam freely, but … Continue reading Playing in the Sandbox BFG’s
There’s something in your Feed Bitterness
It has been an egg-cellent couple of months. Please DO NOT confuse egg-cellent with excellent. The last few months have been horrific because as you know, there has been a giant increase in the price of eggs. Since I'm not a vegetarian or vegan and I don't have bad taste, I eat a lot of … Continue reading There’s something in your Feed Bitterness
AI Got Played BFG’s
I'm not good at a lot of things, but I am a master manipulator. Not so much people, but words. My craft is about placing a letter here, a word there, and misdirect over there, and all of a sudden people are crying, mobs are raging, and everyone is becoming more bitter. I like to … Continue reading AI Got Played BFG’s
Slightly Off Balance Bitterness
I have no balance in my life, and it's my right leg's fault. When I was in junior high, whenever I wanted to participate in a sport, I had to get the yearly physical. Junior high was already the worst and most embarrassing and humiliating part of my life. The physical was just the cherry … Continue reading Slightly Off Balance Bitterness
The Bitter Cure BFG’s
I have a really low opinion of doctor's, which I why I've spent most of my life avoiding them. It blows my mind that a person spends so much time in school learning how to help sick people, and how useless they are at helping sick people. It would be more helpful if they skipped … Continue reading The Bitter Cure BFG’s
The Gym Hasn’t Been Working Out BFG’s
The Gym hasn't been working out, which is ironic, because the gym wants everyone else to workout. (Holding for applause on my dad joke...aaaand back to the post.) My wife likes to make fun of me, because I have all these routines and when she sidetracks them, I get a little cranky and bitter. I … Continue reading The Gym Hasn’t Been Working Out BFG’s
Mediocrates Bitterness
I didn't get a proper education growing up in South Dakota, because my English teachers forgot to teach me about the Greek Gods. I never learned about the Italian Gods (my favorite Italian God is Little Caeser), or the Brazilian Gods either. If it wasn't for video games and TV, I never would have known … Continue reading Mediocrates Bitterness
My 10% Rule BFG’s
I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. Actually, I don't know if I want to do that, because I heard sharing a secret with a person turns them into a friend and I definitely don't need or want one of those. Friends are too messy and they always betray you anyways. … Continue reading My 10% Rule BFG’s
Rewriting History BFG’s
Remember when your teachers lied to you about needing math because you would need it in your career someday? And how you laugh at your teacher now, because not only do you have a calculator on your phone, computer and Ipad, but you have Excel at work to help you figure out any possible mathematical … Continue reading Rewriting History BFG’s
Working on Christmas Bitter Friday Giftures
I've been in the working industry for a long time. When I was a kid, my dad told me that there was no such thing as a free lunch. Since I was born at 8 pm at night, I was already proven as the laziest family member because I didn't have my first job until … Continue reading Working on Christmas Bitter Friday Giftures
Man’s Search for Comedy
I've spent the last 49 years cultivating a wit so sharp that onions cry when I cut them. Ninja's use my wit to sharpen their blades. Comedians wear ski masks and avoid detection from my brain's security system just to steal jokes from me. I feel like Usain Bolt slowing down for a turtle when … Continue reading Man’s Search for Comedy
Ben's Bitter Blog 