It has been an egg-cellent couple of months. Please DO NOT confuse egg-cellent with excellent. The last few months have been horrific because as you know, there has been a giant increase in the price of eggs.
Since I’m not a vegetarian or vegan and I don’t have bad taste, I eat a lot of eggs. In fact, I hardly eat anything else BUT eggs. You can imagine that the news of egg prices going up 70% over last year makes me a little bitter.
The only thing that hasn’t made me want to rage punch someone about expensive eggs are the memes. You know, the stuff about how you can tell someone is rich by the fact that their fridge has a dozen eggs, or Welcome to 2023, where the price of a dozen eggs will cost you more than a gallon of gas. Don’t forget this one I put on my Instagram:
Even my dad, who is comfortably retired and living large on his retirement, told me that I needed to stop buying eggs because they were so expensive.
I hate to tell you dad, but I’m not going to stop buying eggs. In fact, you would have an easier time getting me to give up pizza. In other words, not happening. I’m not in prime shape yet, but I will start training like Rocky if I need to in order to start a fight. If I need to, I will fight Congress, the President of the United States, the FBI, CIA, MMA, WWE, and even face the most evil corporation, Etsy if necessary (see post here for details).
How in the deviled eggs did we get to this insane eggflation? There are many theories. The news keeps trying to lie to us by telling us the typical reasons. lnflation, avian flu, supply and demand or too many chickens are flying the coop.
We all know that the media is covering up the real reason. The real reason is because chickens are becoming even more…chicken. Why? Because of what is in their feed. But Bitter Ben, I know it’s something in their feed. The news has been telling us this for a while now. The feed is making it harder for the chickens to produce eggs. We all know that.
I’m not talking about their food. I’m talking about their feeds. Their social media feeds.
Humans think they are so special. They think they are the only ones that can get hooked on social media. They think they are the only ones that get jealous, envious, and negatively affected by social media feeds. We aren’t. In fact, as soon as chickens got ahold of social media, they stopped producing eggs almost as fast as we did. What did you think was going to happen? It all started with the younger generation of chicks that started getting hooked on Cluckstagram and Cluck Tok. Roosters are fans of the social media too, but the real damage is to the younger chicks and chickens, and it’s becoming an epidemic.
With the pervasiveness of Cluckstagram and Cluck Tok, egg productivity started taking a huge dive. Chicks are eating less, taking more “mental health” breaks, and starting to believe more conspiracy theories. Like the one where alien chickens are planning to invade us in tiny weather balloons instead of spaceships.
The worst part about the feeds is that they are causing young chicks huge self-esteem issues. They spend their day looking at other chicks on Cluckstagram that seem more attractive, have beautiful hen houses and are going on exotic vacations to farms in Hawaii, the Bahamas and the Greek Isles. They start getting Cluckstagram jealous. What they don’t realize is that those other chicks have teams of chickens making them look glamourous.
That doesn’t stop all the young chicks from catching disease. I’m not talking the deadly Avian Flu. It’s the more deadly fever of wanting to be ChickenFLUencers. Instead of going into the family business of producing more eggs, they all want to be Chickenfluencers.
I know the chickens are going to hate hearing this, but I think it is time to ban Cluckstagram and Cluck Tok. If they don’t like that, well, I hear Chick-Fil-A is hiring…
Bitter There’s something in their Feed Ben
6 thoughts on “There’s something in your Feed Bitterness”
Eggs are interesting at a very basic level.
You have an animal, who’s life consists of sacrificing its future young for my breakfast, and when it can no longer emit my breakfast, it becomes my dinner.
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Right? And also at the same time, they are doing too much on social media. So we need to curb that in.
Good thing Elon Musk kicked them off Clitter. Or did he?
Yeah, they need to get off Clitter, those mother cluckers.
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Thanks for clearing that up.
I’m glad to help. We need to get the chicks off of social media, or I won’t get my eggs.
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