When I was kid, we didn’t need seatbelts. We just went for a ride in the car.
When I was a kid, it was a different time. Kids got yelled at, punished, sent to their rooms, disciplined and we took it like men and women, even though we were kids. We understood when we did something stupid because our parents told us we did. Our teachers yelled, our principles sent us to the woodshed, the occasional belt was used, even **gasp!*** spanking were administered. We weren’t the sensitive, millennials that sued our parents for laying a finger on us, or causing “emotional stress”.
I know how to take rejection, suffer heartbreak, and have hardships without making a viral video on YouTube. I just lash out internally or blog about it instead. Anyways, I could take punishment all day long…from people.
What drives me crazy is that machines are now telling me what to do. I know the Matrix essentially says we are going to depend on machines all the time, but now we have hear it from them all the time too.
My car now tells me what to do. Hey Ben, you left your keys in the car. Get them out. Hey Ben, you didn’t put the car in park yet. I’m not going to let you leave the car until you do that. Hey Ben, it’s been 3000 miles since you got an oil change. I’m not going to let you leave until you hear my constant barking. And don’t you dare go above 15 miles an hour without seatbelts. I will not stop nagging you until those belts are securely fastened.
Always making me recalculate.
Even the GPS is a harsh British woman telling me which way to go. In the old days, I would just ignore my wife’s constant pleading to go to a gas station and ask for directions. Now I have to hear a British woman tell me that I have to perform a U-Turn when it is safe, even though I’m pretty sure the address is right there.
Don’t even get me started on the refrigerator. It keeps reminding me that the filter needs to be changed every six months, even though I know it could go another year or two. Besides the fridge can’t even manage to maintain an ice maker for six months, why should I be the one that has to change…its filter? Then it’s complaining that it is too hot, or too cold. What next? Are you going to have hot flashes? Night sweats?
My kids don’t listen to me, but at least when they do they at least kind of get the directions. When I ask my phone to do something, they completely misunderstand. I say, “Alexa, get me a job,” and she replies back, “I’m sorry, did you say you are a slob? Let me look up the closest cleaning services in the area?”Uggh, seriously Alexa you are the worst,” and she says, “Thank you, I really enjoy being the first. Would you like me to give you the address for First National Bank?” I give up Alexa. Just type me a new blog post.
Can’t win. This post is the best post Ben has ever done. And by that I mean, the best post Alexa has ever done for Ben.
I Think he says ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH here?
Bitter Actually it’s Me Alexa Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Thankk you for writing this
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Funniest post I read today. It was also the first, but still funny.
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Awesome. So if you could just make sure that this is the first post you read every day, we can assure it is always the funniest you read of the day.
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Hahaha. I loved this one. You seem to be neck deep in instructions.
Came over from Susie’s party by the way. 🙂
Sorry if this comment appears twice. It didn’t appear to go the 1st time !!
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That’s okay. I really enjoy getting twice the amount of comments. It really helps my stats.
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Hahaha. You bet it does.!! 🙂 🙂
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Thanks for doubling my stats for the day!
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Oh I loved this one!! You seem to be neck deep in INSTRUCTIONS. 🙂
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Yeah. I get really tired of having to follow all these instructions all the time.
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To add one more, when I ask Waze for directions, it refuses unless I confirm I am not the driver. Being questioned by an app makes me bitter.
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I know. Who does Waze think he is? Why do you care if I’m driving or not. Are you just concerned that I’m alive so you can make more money off of me?
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Very funny post! You seem to be getting it from all directions. Can you duck into the woods and go inside a hollow tree stump for 10 minutes? It’d do a world of good.
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I think people would love if I would go into the woods. And stay there for a while.
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My husband typically ends his comments to Alexa with an authoritative – “I know you’re listening Bezos!”
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And your husband is totally right? Why wouldn’t the Amazons want to listen in on my totally boring conversations that wouldn’t matter a bit to him?
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Remember when the most common science fiction plot was machines running a society and taking freedom away from humans? (Of course you do–you used a Star Trek meme.) That time the writers feared has come. Kirk and crew, hurry home to rescue us! J.
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I know right? The plot just came in a way more boring and not cool way.
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Your problem is you are too well off. We don’t have GPS, Alexa, a talking refrigerator, or any other verbal appliances. My SUV beeps at me (although it does not do so when I leave the headlights on, which I would actually appreciate) or communicates with mysterious light-up pictures on the dash, while Steven’s new Ford Fusion makes more euphonious tones. Come to think of it, we used to have a talking car back in the 1980’s. It would say, “A door is a jar,” which would remind us of the old joke, “When is a door not a door?” So your talking car must be retro. How chic of you.
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I’m not really well off. I just have machines that are annoying and think it is okay to bark at me. The only talking my car does is squeeking breaks and the annoying manual roll up windows.
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I didn’t think you were really well off, since you were looking for a job and everything. Still, your stuff talks to you. That must count for something. Ooh, manual roll up windows, that is a good thing if your car went off a bridge and into the water.
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It’s probably just a little weird that my stuff talks to me. Maybe that speaks more to the fact that I am just hearing things instead and need to be evaluated.
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The voices in my head seem to think you are just fine, although they think the voices in your head are full of beans.
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My voices area little bitter, angry and mixed up. I just wish they would be quiet, because I need some on the couch quietness right now.
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Can I say something nasty and then just say I’m your machine?
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I expect nothing less, since you are always saying something nasty. I see you as a guitar machine.
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HAhaaa! I love that last line. Makes me want to see if Alexa will write one for me, or, do my laundry. But, I think that would probably make me feel bitter in the long run. 😀
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I think Alexa definitely needs to be a little more proactive and have more functions. I should be able to do everything from the couch, or she isn’t doing her job!
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