Back on March 8, 2012, I was pretty bitter. Just like every other day, but this day, I had enough of anonymously being bitter. I had complained one too many times about how hardcore my job sucked to my co-workers and so they called started calling me Bitter Ben. So on that day, I found a website called WordPress, which I’m told does free blogs. I signed up and entered my first post, which was essentially an introduction, then went on to do a few more short posts throughout that day. This was my way of rebelling against work and also expanding my bitter empire. On that first day, I got 69 views and that would be my all-time high for about 6 or 7 months. I didn’t get a “like” or a follow for about 5 months, and honestly, I didn’t even know they existed back then. I was just spewing bitterness for the pure anger and resentment I had against mankind. So about 2 or 3 times a week, I would post something that was basically for me, because my co-workers stopped reading it after a couple of days and my family didn’t even know about it.
A couple of months later, I finally learned how to post it to Facebook and Twitter and then a co-worker who started her own blog, 7 months later told me about a thing called Categories and Tags. All of a sudden, I got a few likes, and then discovered the reader. I found that when I read other people’s blogs, and bittered their posts with mean comments, they would visit mine and start to become bitter too. This lead them to read my blog and for the first time in seven months, I received a follower. Know knowing that I could trick other people into accidentally clicking on my follow button, they would be forcefed my bitterness through their reader or email. It was now my time to strike and before I knew it, 2 years had passed (on Saturday) and 300 posts had been written (and by that I mean my next one will be 300).
When it comes to impeccably bad timing, I am the worst at having great timing (also sentence structure and speling). I was trying my darndest to get those two occasions to happen at the same time, but no, I couldn’t possibly happen when I wanted it to. So, as you know, I am lazy and jsut decided to do a post that is both two days late on the Blogiversary, and 1 post too early for 300.
Since, the movie sequel for 300 came out on Friday, and it was too late to include some really bad product placement in the movie, I decided to compare my blog to the movie 300(the first one, since I haven’t seen the sequel).
So how does my blog compare to a movie about death, misery, war, anger, resentment and bitterness? Not at all. Not one bit. No way. No how.
Okay, one way. Just like the 300 warriors who went to battle against the millions of warriors on the other side, they were doomed. No matter how many posts I put out there, or how many warriors on the other side of the 300, we are both doomed. I will stop writing in this blog someday (probably before I die) and you guys will stop reading it someday. But as long as the internet exists (probably a few weeks after I die), these words will be here, on this website for future generations of bitter kids, families and adults to ignore, just like they do now as it is while I actively maintain it.
Alright maybe one more. This blog can be just as damaging to your health as going up against a Spartan Warrior. The sharp edge of a bitterly misspelled word may hurt make your eyes bleed. I might push you to the edge of insanity or into the angry seas off of a deep ended cliff, whack you over the head with a blunt statement like that of a sheild, or pierce you to the heart of a really twisted idea. I may even poison your veins with the rage of a rant.
Speaking of rants, that is one more way this blog is like the Spartans. This blog doesn’t have a six pack and walk around shirtless, but it does scream a lot. It doesn’t yell about Sparta and war, but it does yell about just about everything else, in a passive aggressive way. So in other words, in rants loudly AND carries a big stick.
I can’t end this post without comparing its 2 years to a two year old. This blog is in its immature 1 year old stage. It babbles, is completely incoherent, and is pure nonsense. Unlike a two year old, this blog is nowhere near walking, and no one watches it is near as much as they would a two year old. This blog is starving and needs some food, but has yet to be fed. Not even once. All I know is, I’m not feeding it. It has sharp bitter teeth, and it bites with venom and sarcasm. It does have eyes, but only creepy ones that follows and records every movement I make. It is like a two year old in that it doesn’t sleep ever, and it doesn’t ever let me sleep either.
So look for more incoherentness and babbling in the future, but not forever. Well, not forever from me. But this blog will live forever, so you better watch out. It might poison you someday.
Bitter 300 and 2 Ben