2 Years, and 300 posts of Bitterness

Um, hey you guys down there...watch out! There's a bus....

Um, hey you guys down there…watch out! There’s a bus….

Back on March 8, 2012, I was pretty bitter.  Just like every other day, but this day, I had enough of anonymously being bitter.  I had complained one too many times about how hardcore my job sucked to my co-workers and so they called started calling me Bitter Ben.  So on that day, I found a website called WordPress, which I’m told does free blogs.  I signed up and entered my first post, which was essentially an introduction, then went on to do a few more short posts throughout that day.  This was my way of rebelling against work and also expanding my bitter empire.  On that first day, I got 69 views and that would be my all-time high for about 6 or 7 months.  I didn’t get a “like” or a follow for about 5 months, and honestly, I didn’t even know they existed back then.  I was just spewing bitterness for the pure anger and resentment I had against mankind.  So about 2 or 3 times a week, I would post something that was basically for me, because my co-workers stopped reading it after a couple of days and my family didn’t even know about it.

 

No money, WordPress?  Just a lousy decal?

No money, WordPress? Just a lousy decal?

 

A couple of months later, I finally learned how to post it to Facebook and Twitter and then a co-worker who started her own blog, 7 months later told me about a thing called Categories and Tags.  All of a sudden, I got a few likes, and then discovered the reader.  I found that when I read other people’s blogs, and bittered their posts with mean comments, they would visit mine and start to become bitter too.  This lead them to read my blog and for the first time in seven months, I received a follower.  Know knowing that I could trick other people into accidentally clicking on my follow button, they would be forcefed my bitterness through their reader or email.  It was now my time to strike and before I knew it, 2 years had passed (on Saturday) and 300 posts had been written (and by that I mean my next one will be 300).

I was so close to being done.

I have really good timing.

When it comes to impeccably bad timing, I am the worst at having great timing (also sentence structure and speling).  I was trying my darndest to get those two occasions to happen at the same time, but no, I couldn’t possibly happen when I wanted it to.  So, as you know, I am lazy and jsut decided to do a post that is both two days late on the Blogiversary, and 1 post too early for 300.

Since, the movie sequel for 300 came out on Friday, and it was too late to include some really bad product placement in the movie, I decided to compare my blog to the movie 300(the first one, since I haven’t seen the sequel).

dskfjsdklfj

This blog doesn’t walk around shirtless, but it does do a lot of screaming.

So how does my blog compare to a movie about death, misery, war, anger, resentment and bitterness?  Not at all.  Not one bit.  No way. No how.

Okay, one way.  Just like the 300 warriors who went to battle against the millions of warriors on the other side, they were doomed.  No matter how many posts I put out there, or how many warriors on the other side of the 300, we are both doomed.  I will stop writing in this blog someday (probably before I die) and you guys will stop reading it someday.  But as long as the internet exists (probably a few weeks after I die), these words will be here, on this website for future generations of bitter kids, families and adults to ignore, just like they do now as it is while I actively maintain it.

Alright maybe one more.  This blog can be just as damaging to your health as going up against a Spartan Warrior.  The sharp edge of a bitterly misspelled word may hurt make your eyes bleed.  I might push you to the edge of insanity or into the angry seas off of a deep ended cliff, whack you over the head with a blunt statement like that of a sheild, or pierce you to the heart of a really twisted idea.  I may even poison your veins with the rage of a rant.

Like this, but less mature.

This blog likes to cry and whine a lot.

Speaking of rants, that is one more way this blog is like the Spartans.  This blog doesn’t have a six pack and walk around shirtless, but it does scream a lot.  It doesn’t yell about Sparta and war, but it does yell about just about everything else, in a passive aggressive way.  So in other words, in rants loudly AND carries a big stick.

I can’t end this post without comparing its 2 years to a two year old.  This blog is in its immature 1 year old stage.  It babbles, is completely incoherent, and is pure nonsense.  Unlike a two year old, this blog is nowhere near walking, and no one watches it is near as much as they would a two year old.  This blog is starving and needs some food, but has yet to be fed.  Not even once.  All I know is, I’m not feeding it.  It has sharp bitter teeth, and it bites with venom and sarcasm.  It does have eyes, but only creepy ones that follows and records every movement I make.  It is like a two year old in that it doesn’t sleep ever, and it doesn’t ever let me sleep either.

So look for more incoherentness and babbling in the future, but not forever.  Well, not forever from me.  But this blog will live forever, so you better watch out.  It might poison you someday.

ARRRGGGGHHHH

Bitter 300 and 2 Ben

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86 thoughts on “2 Years, and 300 posts of Bitterness

  1. Here’s a bitter question for that veggieburger eater….why the hell do vegetarians insist on making their food (vegetables) cross-dress to appear as and pretend to be meat???? Why, if they dislike or avoid the meat do they actually want their food to look like meat??? This oddity has actually made me lie awake at night, pondering the possible reasoning for it. Why does Loma Linda make something called “Swiss Stake” (not steak, but STAKE–like the kind you kill Dracula thru the heart with) that LOOKS like MEAT but hasn’t an iota of animal in it? Can anybody answer me that? That’s the same school of thought that somebody managed to come up with ‘turkey’ bacon. No turkeys don’t have bacon…PIGS do, only pigs. Nice try, but no cigar.
    How’s that for spreading some bitterness, Ben? Did I do ok?
    All the “news” lately about positivity and negativity being contagious had me wanting to try the theorem out with bitterness…being the guru of what bitter is, do you believe bitter begets bitter? Thanks in advance if you get any answers. If not, no worries. Your fan, the Bitter, carnivorous mouse

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  2. Pingback: In case you missed…In case you missed it from last week bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog

  3. Congratulations on hitting the big 300. hopefully, you do not celebrate by getting your haircut during a drug bust looking for someone that looks exactly like you but who may be another ethnicity.

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  4. I usually consider myself an optimist, but your bitter rants are starting to affect me. I’m looking outside at the windy rainy day and instead of remembering the beautiful day yesterday, I’m thinking about how much I hate the fact that winter keeps hanging around here. Thanks for encouraging me to see the gray in every day.

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  5. Felicidades, Ben! Or should I call you, AMARGO BEN. Spanish for Bitter Ben, of course. I am glad you have been infecting your readers with amargoness for two years! I have only been blogging for one so I missed out on a whole year of amargoness. 😦

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  6. Congratulations on 300 posts and two years of bitter blogging! Having been here for a lot of these posts, I can only say you’re only getting more bitter with time.

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  7. Congratulations on the 300-versary… or Happy Bitter-Birthday… As an extremely bitter person myself (just failed a PhD after working on it for 8 years!), and new blogger, I aspire to similar depths of forever recorded miserly misery! Here’s to another 300 (or 299) Bitter Blog posts from Ben!

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  8. No mention of toilet training, or lack thereof? The latter would certainly add to one’s–that is, the BLOG’s–bitterness.

    Mister Bitter, how is it you always find such perfectly apt and amusing pics and gifs? That part of creating posts takes me for-friggin’-ever. (Plus, I’m moronic enough to try to credit them, which takes for-triple-friggin’-ever.) Do you have a whole special-effects team cowed beneath your bitter lash?

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    • Very much a lack of potty training. I always forget the best ones, because that is what bitter is all about.

      I just scour the gifs throughout the week on the internet and come up with a bitter theme, usually last minute and make stupid comments about them. You’ve now seen behind the iron curtain of the wizard of Oz, or some other really bad mixed metaphor.

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      • “…usually last minute and make stupid comments…” he crowed false-modestly. Nuts to you, thou of the thousands of hits and followers. Pth-th-thth!! So you can toss off appealing humor in moments, during “real work” hours, with nary a care, while the rest of us who sweat buckets to
        carefully craft each post may be, relatively speaking, slog-gers. Well, you may be fast and talented, but at least I have my–at least I can–oh, just curvilinear-inclined-plane you, bitter boy.

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        • Dang you and carefully crafted comments that completely put me in my place! Dang you and your abilities to slog through posts and do them well and while I do really bad ones! I’m going to go cry bitter tears outside in the pouring rain!

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  9. It will get better with age. Like rotten, and with wrinkles. In fact you have nothing to look forward to but gripes and chit chats. But on the other hand what else do you got. Your abs, your muscles and your good looks go boneless with death. So enjoy it while you have it.

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  10. Congratulations, Ben, for making it to 300 posts! Great job! Sorry to not go with the bitter tone necessary to meet your blog’s theme!
    Here you go: I hope that you continue to find life irritating and get a hair up your behind enough to aggravate the heck out of you, producing more rants for us to giggle about! Smiles, Robin

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  11. You’re not planning on dying soon, are you? I mean, do I need to start lining up alternate sources of bitterness to see me through in your absence? You can’t just get us hooked on the freebies and then Jack up the price… (btw, well done on getting to #300. What a bitter victory!)

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    • I’m not planning on dying, no. I have so much more bitter work to do before I do. But of course, not many people have a choice when they go, so, you know. I have to make sure that bitterness is spread past my demise. So, if you could go ahead and take part of the mantle when I do leave, that would be great.

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      • I don’t know – I pretty much ooze positivity most of the time. Forays into the bitter side I like to leave for those more skilled in the art. But, should the unthinkable happen, you can count on me to drop some bitterness as best I can… (sideways smiley face)

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  12. I’m in the same boat. My 1-year and 200th will come close but not together.

    If I were you, I would have milked the nearby milestones for an extra post that would have garnered additional views and followers. On the other hand, you can now be bitter about the missed opportunity.

    Nevertheless, congrats on making it this far. You’re one of the very few I see in the humor category who have been around longer than me. So many humor blogs, so many that aren’t funny and close up shop…

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