Ever seen Braveheart? You know how in that movie, William Wallace is this battle savvy warrior, and he confronts the English who keep tamping down their Will(iam) by just giving the Scottish lords pieces of land? You know how WW is constantly fighting against the lords and the king of England because he just wants … Continue reading If it’s not Scottish It’s Crap BFG’s
comedy
Supercomputer Bitterness
The year was 1998. It was in my final year of college. I was taking a class in Statistics with the worst teacher ever. He was a pompous, Diet Coke drinker with short man's disease. When the class started there were 60 students and by the end, it was me and 7 other students. I … Continue reading Supercomputer Bitterness
Godfather Bitterness
I had big plans for this last weekend. I was going to see Dr. Strange's Multiplex Theater of Madness, and I was going to get some supplies for my upcoming trip to Scotland. In addition, I had a LOT of couch sitting and video gaming planned. Despite my family not knowing any of that, they … Continue reading Godfather Bitterness
Banned For Life BFG’s
You probably don't know this about me, but I'm on a wanted poster in my old college town. I broke multiple laws while I was there, and now I'm their public enemy number one. I broke some laws while I was there, but I was never caught for them. The first one was the dangerous … Continue reading Banned For Life BFG’s
What a bunch of Craplet
In my church, I'm one of the "adults" in charge of planning activities for the boys aged 7-11, which I love. When I get home from work, I don't want to rest, I want to go straight to an activity where I hang out with some amazingly respectful kids for an hour. If you've ever … Continue reading What a bunch of Craplet
MLM Success Bitter Friday Giftures
My brother told me a couple of months ago that he was moving into a new house. I half-heartedly told him I would help, without any intentions of doing so. Since I was responsible for making him a huge sucess in the world, (by showing him what not to do) I figured he would find … Continue reading MLM Success Bitter Friday Giftures
Denim Bitterness
Last night, I missed the most important event of the season. It wasn't E3, which is something I actually care about, or CLC (you know, my favorite convention to visit every year, the Couch Laying Convention). It was the Met Gala. I've been told by my inside sources that purpose of the Met Gala is … Continue reading Denim Bitterness
Pivoting BFG’s
I used to like sports when I was young, because all my joints hadn't quite calcified yet. I started out in baseball, because they made it extra easy for young, feeble weak children. There is a ball, a bat, and a tee with a ball resting right there for anyone but a failure to hit … Continue reading Pivoting BFG’s
The Relentless Pursuit of BFG’s
I had a short phase in my junior year of liking luxury cars. I would read magazines (magazines used to be offline and have glossy paper in the ancient of days) about cars like the Nissan 300ZX Twin Turbo, or the Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4 Twin Turbo. I guess I had a thing for Twin Turbos. … Continue reading The Relentless Pursuit of BFG’s
Social Battery
I was watching a TV show on Amazon about a teenage boy that had a father who was a superhero. His dad was from some planet that made him superpowered. When the boy was young, his father told him that someday he would inherit his superpowers and he would be super strong too. I think … Continue reading Social Battery
Forged Bitter Friday Giftures
A lot of people that watch The Office actually don't like Michael Scott (which is insane to me), because they think wasn't a great boss. The problem they had with him is that he worked so hard at being liked and being everyone's favorite comedian, that he didn't care about the work. Little did they … Continue reading Forged Bitter Friday Giftures
Bittersplaining
Being 49 isn't easy. You should ask the San Franciso 49er's. They haven't won a Super Bowl since 1994, which is when I returned home from a mission, and the next day this really slow-moving white Ford Bronco was in a police chase. I had no idea what it was because I had not really … Continue reading Bittersplaining
49 Things that Make Me Bitter
I'm one of the few billion people in the history of the world to have lived in 49 different years, 6 different decades, 2 different centuries, and 2 different millenia. If you were really bad at math and not particularly good at details you would think I was a thousand years old. And if you … Continue reading 49 Things that Make Me Bitter
Maintaining the World
I had a really great babysitter when I was young. I have nothing but glowing reviews, literally. I loved my babysitter so much that I will recommend that my kids and grandkids even use my babysitter. If you've ever seen Cable Guy with Jim Carrey or numerous other shows or movies when you were young, … Continue reading Maintaining the World
Court Jester
I spent a lot of time yesterday getting injured. Despite getting a shot to help my shoulder, it continues to hurt. I was playing catcher for my son so he could get faster at pitching, and he hit me in the only place I wasn't protected (my foot, you weirdos) and then in the middle … Continue reading Court Jester
Bitter Ghost Writer
I have now written over 1,350 blog post over a 10-year period. Some were bad, most were awful, and the rest were pure garbage. I'm like the Sysphus of blog writing. No matter how bad the posts get, and how negative the feedback gets, I just keep coming back for more. Any sane person would … Continue reading Bitter Ghost Writer
Life Gifing Bitter Friday Gifs
I used to care about famous people. I looked up to them because they could memorize lines or dribble basketballs really well. Then I grew up and realized that most of them were just really suck. Most of them either got lucky, focused maniacally on one thing in detriment to anything else in their lives, … Continue reading Life Gifing Bitter Friday Gifs
Ratio’d Bitter Friday Giftures
I love listening to my headphones at work because it seems dangerously close to not doing work, which is my favorite thing to do. Work avoidance, both at work and at home are really great skills to have. I've always tried my best to be mediocre or less in everything I do. Yesterday, I accidentally … Continue reading Ratio’d Bitter Friday Giftures
Bitterness Coaching
When I was 7 years old, I was a 3-sport athlete. I was a world class goalie (I was really good at standing and watching other kids fight for the ball) a two-time no-star center in basketball (I was awesome at standing on the low block with my hand up waiting for the ball) and … Continue reading Bitterness Coaching
Camera BFG’s (Bitter Friday Giftures)
What do you think is more prestigious? Being on the cover of a magazine or being featured on a sweatshirt? This might have been a hard question back in the 80's when I grew up, because back then we had a thing called magazines. It's hard to imagine my kids even understanding the importance of … Continue reading Camera BFG’s (Bitter Friday Giftures)
Ben's Bitter Blog 