When I was in college, my best friend and I would go door to door to random girl's apartments and knock. When they answered we would introduce ourselves and then try to make them laugh by telling them stupid puns. Every once in a while we would get a chuckle or a courtesy laugh, and … Continue reading Drive by Comedian
comedy
Things you are Bitterly Sick Of (Besides my Blog)
I'm sure some people are going to claim they had a good holiday and they got everything they wanted and did everything they wanted and got along so well with their families or had some good time away. But as you know, being bitter is about thinking about things in a whole different way than … Continue reading Things you are Bitterly Sick Of (Besides my Blog)
Glutton for Punishment Giftures
Every afternoon, I leave my crazy job for a little bit and go to the break room. I grab my smart phone and turn on the big screen TV and I watch that game show called Let's Make a Deal. You know, the one where people dress up like deranged lunatics on Halloween so they … Continue reading Glutton for Punishment Giftures
Clothes need to start doing more
Smart phones are useful because they do like more than one thing. They actually do like 3 things. They text (with your permission, of course) they run apps, and they run the internet like a mini-boss. If you have a cool smart phone and don't depend on it to ignore people on a regular basis, you … Continue reading Clothes need to start doing more
Bitter Abandonment Giftures
Abandon hope all ye that read stuff on here. Just like my writing skills have abandoned me this week, so should you abandon your desks and workstations and computers and find bitterness in your cars, trains, planes, moped, skiis, snowboards, apparating or Time Machine Deloreans. Go home and grab some chips, soda, bar-b-q sauce, wings, … Continue reading Bitter Abandonment Giftures
Bitter Sell Out Giftures
It's Friday, which means we can start talking about what makes us bitter through little moving pictures. As you might now, the Super Bowl is coming up. I guess I could avoid this thing that is annoying me by just turning the station, but in the last week, I think I've only heard like zero … Continue reading Bitter Sell Out Giftures
Bittermunity
Wanna know why I'm your least favorite blogger? Because I'm around. ALLLL the time. I'm clogging up valuable space on the internet that you could be using for trees, or pictures of your kids, or YouTube. All day on YouTube and the video would move so much faster, if it wasn't for this guy that … Continue reading Bittermunity
Frustration Friday Giftures
Nothing is more frustrating than expecting something good and getting something bad. Like when you expect to skip a rock, but not only does the rock not skip, but you throw it way short and it richochets off a bigger rock and it bounces back and hits you in the knee and causes you to go to surgery. Or when you expect … Continue reading Frustration Friday Giftures
Super BitterMan
The superhero genre is getting a little ridiculous. There are some legit superhero movie stars out there that I'm fine with getting big time movies. Guys like Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, Wolverine, Spiderman and so forth. These days, if there is a legit cool or recognizable hero out there, they will get a movie made … Continue reading Super BitterMan
Looking in to the Bitter Future Giftures
BREAKING NEWS! This is your news anchor Captain Obvious! In what is unprecedented news, I've figured something out. We've done a calendar change and the year is now 2015. Do you know what that means? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? It means, Marty McFly and Doc Brown are going to be visiting Hill Valley … Continue reading Looking in to the Bitter Future Giftures
Bitter Christmas Music
First of all, I want to say to all those out there that are not working this week, because your jobs are awesome and they let you have this week off, or you are a teacher and they "make" you stay home for two weeks, or you are just going to "call in sick" for … Continue reading Bitter Christmas Music
Casual Friday Giftures
I don't know about you, but if I had the chance I would never wear clothes...that didn't include sweatpants, short sleeve T-shirts and either bare feet, or if it was necessary to wear something on my feet, sandals. Some companies try to make it seem like they are doing us a big favor by allowing … Continue reading Casual Friday Giftures
Lost Blog posts
There are a few routes I take everyday, that I can do them by instinct. Work to home, I've got memorized. Work to Pizza, I know that by heartburn. Couch to kitchen I can do in my sleepwalk. But when it comes to going from home to work or home to the hardware store or … Continue reading Lost Blog posts
Bitter Friday Gifture Cleanse
Things have happened this week. Things that may never be unseen. Happy people talking about music, and presents and having fun with their families. It has been hard to look at, hard to see. Well, I can't take it anymore. I need to cleanse my mind of all this cheeriness. Well, it is Friday now and … Continue reading Bitter Friday Gifture Cleanse
Bittervational Speech – Everyone is Better Than You
It has been the purpose of this blog from the very beginning to help people overcome the heavy weight and burden of being happy all the time. If you don't believe me, go alllll the way back to my very first, terribly written post that introduced the world (by world, I mean my family) … Continue reading Bittervational Speech – Everyone is Better Than You
Get Hooked on Friday Giftures
You know how when you first start reading this blog, you can't turn away because it is such a train wreck that you can't stop reading it? And then you wait for the next one in the next hour and it just never comes and you can't concentrate on anything else? I'm sorry to tell you, that you … Continue reading Get Hooked on Friday Giftures
Black Friday Giftures
It's Black Friday and nothing says Black Friday like greed. Black hearted rage, mixed with savings only 6 people will actually ever get, combined with angry, crazy people in a race for pole position for a chance at a ticket that may or may not get you into the room of a store … Continue reading Black Friday Giftures
Bitter Ben’s Book’s for Bitter Beginners
I work with a bunch of babies all day. Children. Whiny Brats. They cry all day, and need to be fed and given attention all the time. Any time they need something they ring and I'm supposed to answer. This makes me fully qualified to write bitter things about them. Along with being a bunch … Continue reading Bitter Ben’s Book’s for Bitter Beginners
Surefire ways to get people to annoy you
I love advice. I can't wait to hear it, swish it around like a fine glass of water, let it sink deep down into my soul, allow it to be knocked around inside my head, then ignore it completely. So please give it to me. I want all the advices. Let me know all about … Continue reading Surefire ways to get people to annoy you
The Land of the Lost Bitter Posts – The Disney Chronicles
Hey Bitter Stalkers! I've got a really bitter true story to tell you. When I graduated from high school (don't laugh, bitter people graduate too. Cause teachers want them gone, duh!) I got a senior trip because my parents didn't want to get me a car. So I decided to go to Cincinnati, because I'm … Continue reading The Land of the Lost Bitter Posts – The Disney Chronicles
