I had a really great babysitter when I was young. I have nothing but glowing reviews, literally. I loved my babysitter so much that I will recommend that my kids and grandkids even use my babysitter. If you've ever seen Cable Guy with Jim Carrey or numerous other shows or movies when you were young, … Continue reading Maintaining the World
drama
Court Jester
I spent a lot of time yesterday getting injured. Despite getting a shot to help my shoulder, it continues to hurt. I was playing catcher for my son so he could get faster at pitching, and he hit me in the only place I wasn't protected (my foot, you weirdos) and then in the middle … Continue reading Court Jester
Ratio’d Bitter Friday Giftures
I love listening to my headphones at work because it seems dangerously close to not doing work, which is my favorite thing to do. Work avoidance, both at work and at home are really great skills to have. I've always tried my best to be mediocre or less in everything I do. Yesterday, I accidentally … Continue reading Ratio’d Bitter Friday Giftures
Bitterness Coaching
When I was 7 years old, I was a 3-sport athlete. I was a world class goalie (I was really good at standing and watching other kids fight for the ball) a two-time no-star center in basketball (I was awesome at standing on the low block with my hand up waiting for the ball) and … Continue reading Bitterness Coaching
Camera BFG’s (Bitter Friday Giftures)
What do you think is more prestigious? Being on the cover of a magazine or being featured on a sweatshirt? This might have been a hard question back in the 80's when I grew up, because back then we had a thing called magazines. It's hard to imagine my kids even understanding the importance of … Continue reading Camera BFG’s (Bitter Friday Giftures)
Batman is DC’s Spiderman Bitterness
A lot of people wonder in awe at how great I am at writing, especially considering that I've never been a big reader. I suppose I could be an adequate reader if Audible just narrated all the books to me. On the other hand, I could just have TV do all the work by narrating … Continue reading Batman is DC’s Spiderman Bitterness
Pharm-assist BFG’s
Believe it or not, I was once a tall, skinny teenager. Yeah. Back in the 80's when I ate peanut butter sandwiches and played sports just for the fun of it. Playing sports was so automatic, I could play tennis when I was watching TV, or hit a baseball with one arm while punching my … Continue reading Pharm-assist BFG’s
Bitter Privacy Concerns
Back in the pre-pandemic days (elementary school), I was quite the Casanova. I made sure my teacher was never late for recess. I would check my Casio watch and tell her that it was time for recess, and we needed to be dismissed from her boring math lecture. She called me the Casio Nova, because … Continue reading Bitter Privacy Concerns
Original Programming BFG’s
I was born in the 70's, but grew up in the 80's. I'm not sure if you could compare the 80's to any other decade ever. It was bizarre fashion (parachute pants, leg warmers, etc), bright colors, outlandish music and some pretty crazy TV's and movies. For every great program that came out of the … Continue reading Original Programming BFG’s
Making Traitor’s BFG’s
While I lived in South Dakota from 3rd grade until high school, my family went through an existential crisis of living in LA and NY. I don't remember much of New York, but I also went through an existential crisis when I lived there. It was called "enjoying baseball". The baseball brainwashing started when I … Continue reading Making Traitor’s BFG’s
Witness Protection Bitterness
When I was a kid, other kids were always asking me to play sports with them. As an early bitterness adopter, I tried my darndest to ignore these little same-aged cretins. But my mother always insisted that I go play with these weirdos, (probably because she wanted me to leave her alone) even though something … Continue reading Witness Protection Bitterness
Only In Dreams BFG’s
I once read something. I know, you're probably shaking your head in disbelief and probably laughing to yourself. You're probably at work, with your headphone on, trying to focus on the task at hand, but a little laugh is swelling inside you. It's probably reminding you of a recent Tik Tok you saw of a … Continue reading Only In Dreams BFG’s
Energy Monster BFG’s
In the beginning, I liked Superhero movies. The whole appeal was imagining what I could do with superpowers. For instance, what would I do with super strength, super speed, or the ability to fly? Of course, if I had them, I wouldn't use them to save people, nor would I use them for evil. That … Continue reading Energy Monster BFG’s
Heads Up BFG’s
Like, the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, I've always been looking for my brain. It's there, I know, but it always seems to betray in my moment of need. Sure, it keeps me alive, is the central hub for figuring out how to walk, talk, breathe and how to write scorchingly funny, yet deeply … Continue reading Heads Up BFG’s
Choose your own adventure BFG’s
Growing up in California, one of my earliest memories was when I was 5. My mom made me and my brother some capes made out of felt and a little buckle to fasten around our necks. I, of course, was Superman, because he could fly and my brother was Batman, because he liked brooding in … Continue reading Choose your own adventure BFG’s
Building A Bitter Fortress BFG
The reason why Community is my second favorite show, is 1: because of the writing, but two because it reminds of me of my juvenile college years (though some would say I'm still in my juvenile years). They are always up to some crazy highjinks, like paintball or playing a video games to earn inheritances. … Continue reading Building A Bitter Fortress BFG
Black Friday BFG’s
Most people think of Thanksgiving as a day for gratitude. Gratitude for family, for a place to live or gas that doesn't cost an arm, leg, shoulder or a kneecap. You think the turkey got carved up yesterday? Not as much as I did just trying to drive four hours to my parent's house. And … Continue reading Black Friday BFG’s
How to Appear Smart BFG
A little side note before we start. Yes, I'm the first person to do a side note at the beginning of a post. Excuuuse me. I'm extremely sorry about this. I've been typing Bitter Friday Giftures at the end of my titles for every Friday Giftures for 9 years now. No longer. It's simply going … Continue reading How to Appear Smart BFG
Bitter Tomatoes Friday Giftures
Last night I was on Tik Tok, which of course is where I get all my information and inspiration. I saw a Tik Tok yesterday that caught my attention. If you go on Tik Tok a lot like I do, you probably notice a lot of "couples comedy". A lot of them do pranks, which … Continue reading Bitter Tomatoes Friday Giftures
Epic Music Bitterness
I can count on my fingers and maybe one set of my toes the amount of extraordinary days I've had in my life. And even those extraordinary days had a lot of ordinaryness. My wedding day was pretty epic, but there were moments in the day where I was just taking a shower, or twiddling … Continue reading Epic Music Bitterness
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