Recently I was talking to this older couple on the phone and the male said something, but then he started coughing so he had to hand off the phone to the female who started talking to me for a bit. Then she started sneezing, so she handed the phone back to the male so she … Continue reading Bitterlympics
Humor
Fit Bitterness
It's mid January, which means all your dreams of getting in shape have been dashed like the Death Star at the end of Star Wars (spoiler warning too late if you haven't seen a movie that came out in 1977). Though I can find bitterness in even the most benign situations, other less bitter individuals … Continue reading Fit Bitterness
Bitterly Depressing Friday Giftures
Yesterday was so depressing. Some weirdos in Florida and California took my winning lottery tickets from me, my idol and hero who played all the best villains, Alan Rickman died(Hans Gruber AND Snape. Two of the most bitter guys in cinema.) and once again my book didn't get published. Some say you should actually … Continue reading Bitterly Depressing Friday Giftures
The Bitter Journey through Google Search
One of my bitter enemies, "The Inspirational Philosopher", the ones that wake up every morning and look at their face in the mirror and repeat mantra's like "This is going to be a great day", and "What inspirational thing can I learn from all the stupid mistakes I made yesterday?" start their days journey in … Continue reading The Bitter Journey through Google Search
Bitter Billionaire Ben
Since I probably won't win that Powerball thingy because I'm not really a 1 in a billion odds kind of winner, I need to rethink the way I'm going to get the dollars in your pockets to mine. I tried to build the world's strongest vacuum that would suck the money directly from your wallets, … Continue reading Bitter Billionaire Ben
If I were a movie…Dot, Dot, Dot
First of all, to those that read that garbage that was on this blog yesterday, that was just inexcusable. I blame someone else, as per usual. The dog ate my homework, the cat wouldn't stop shedding all over, the hamster wouldn't stop running in circles...is what I would say if I had any of those … Continue reading If I were a movie…Dot, Dot, Dot
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Foods that taste good vs. Heartburn
Ever since Adam and Eve left the garden, there has always been a fight. A fight for real estate. All of sudden, there was a place they couldn't get and that drove the price of the real estate up. And ever since then there has been the horribly clique saying that real estate is … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Foods that taste good vs. Heartburn
It’s Time to Bail Gifture Friday
In case you didn't know it, I am here to remind you that today is Friday. That means it is time to bail. Time to throw aside your work clothes and put on "Casual Friday" clothes. Time to bail on your diet that you committed to on Jan. 1 and get some pizza instead … Continue reading It’s Time to Bail Gifture Friday
Confrontation Bitterness
Last month, I was asked to do a task on the way home from work that turned into one of the most harrowing of my coming-home-from-work career. A lot of times, it is to pick up something at the grocery store, or to get gas in my car, but this task, while much the same … Continue reading Confrontation Bitterness
The Bitter Receiver
I've been reading the Giver with my daughter because it is required reading. If you haven't read it yet, then you need to go back to junior high again because you missed the required reading. Have fun with that by the way, the girls in your 7th grade math class are the cliquiest and they … Continue reading The Bitter Receiver
Rise of the Machines
Now that New Year's is over we can finally stop talking about our New Year's Revulsion's and improving and growing and learning stuff and talk about what is really important. Not people. Those things are the worst. Unpredictable, loud, annoying, talkative, messy, bad at reading signals like the Go Away in my voice, or … Continue reading Rise of the Machines
Then end of the World..I mean the end of the Year Bitter Giftures
As R.E.M. said, "It's the end of the Year as we know it, and I feel bitter." As I do my end of year bitterness reviews, I realize how little I did, and I realize I can do way better next year. And by way better, I mean do way less than I did this … Continue reading Then end of the World..I mean the end of the Year Bitter Giftures
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Day v. Night
Annnd...now the awkward season of "Did I accomplish anything this year?" begins. At least for people that actually have goals and stuff. Those people are probably hard at work with guilt and regret and suffering because they didn't live up to goals. And scheming is taking place to start new goals. That must cause … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Day v. Night
Some Last minute Friday Gif Ideas
I feel you, last minute procrastinator shoppers. I'm out shopping for my last minute gifs RIGHT NOW. For some reason all the stores seem to be closed, but I'm bound and determined...just kidding, I'm just wandering around out here. Where is everyone by the way? How is it that I'm am supposed to get … Continue reading Some Last minute Friday Gif Ideas
All I want for Christmas…
When someone tries to teach me something, they need to bring visual aids. If it is math, I need some story problems. If it is science, I need a telescope. If it is a restaurant you are trying to convince me to go to, bring me a pizza from there. You can't ask … Continue reading All I want for Christmas…
Bitter Ben’s Christmas Letter
Friends, Family and other Bitter People I know: This year was so exciting, I almost forgot to send out my Christmas Letter. I know you guys aren't my family, but you ignore me just as much as my family does, so I consider you just like them. I couldn't afford postage to send this to … Continue reading Bitter Ben’s Christmas Letter
Getting your Priorities Straight Friday Giftures
I feel like we are all a little out of whack here. And by that I mean all of YOU are out of whack. I've noticed that you bums are all busy doing nice things for others, attending parties that you are actually having fun at, and enjoying food other than pizza. And to … Continue reading Getting your Priorities Straight Friday Giftures
Taking over the World
It was 1998 when I knew I wanted to take over the world. Pinky and the Brain inspired it. (If a couple of lab rats can almost do it, I certainly could with my human like size.) My best friend from college and I always talked about it and planned it. We would start slowly with him … Continue reading Taking over the World
The Bitter Gauntlet
I was born in the 70's, which means...I grew up in the 80's. If you've read the history books about the 80's (or lived in them) it was a colorful time...literally. Colors that no other decade would even touch (like neon anything), fabrics no other decade would wear (parachute pants?), and hairstyles no other decade … Continue reading The Bitter Gauntlet
Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sweet vs. Salty
You would think that this time of year, with the spirit of the holidays, competition would begin to tail off a little bit. But you would be wrong. Things seem to heat up even more for some reason. Rivalries start to get even more intense. The Great American Light Fight has expanded the fight to … Continue reading Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sweet vs. Salty
Ben's Bitter Blog 