Cracking Necks and Cashing Checks

You have no idea how much of a burden I carry on a daily basis. My brain is constantly full because I only have capacity for 20 Gigs of information, but it is full of really bad ideas. I have to have an external drive to put all the bad ideas. I put a lot of them in my Google Drive or on my phone, but I also use this blog to put a lot of them too. I get a lot of movie and book ideas, both bad and horrible, but this one…is probably the worst. I decided that you guys are going to have to share the burden of the bad ideas, so I can rest from them for a second. Here’s my latest movie idea:

Just wait…

A terrorist organization called Etsy wants to build a new headquarters Dublin, Ireland. They want the new headquarters to be filled with amazing perks like sleeping pods, ping pong tables, and Irish Spring in all their bathrooms. Unfortunately, the Irish city council shuts them down, because they don’t allow buildings over 100 meters, (which I’m told is taller than 30 stories).

The Etsy organization isn’t used to being told no, so instead of going through the proper channels, they just take the land hostage, and build their lavish 30-story building without permission. The Dublin police are called, and try to infiltrate the building, but they aren’t sucessful. They can’t get the employees to stop going to work, or get Etsy to knock down the building, because Etsy security is armed with Needlepoints, Painted Rocks and the building is wired to blow confetti if anyone without an Etsy ID badge enters the building.

The Irish police force are not equipped to handle such major hostage situations, so they call in Scotland Yard, which is ironically a police force in the boroughs of London. In my “fictional” story, Scotland Yard is actually from Scotland.

Since Ireland and Scotland are buddies, Scotland Yard offers to help. Scotland Yard just so happens to have the world’s best terrorist task force specialist named Biter Been. He’s never met a terrorist organization that he hasn’t taken down.

Scotland Yard provides Biter Been with a stolen badge they got from an Etsy employee that allows him access to the headquarters. He infiltrates Etsy from within, by becoming the resident chiropractor. Eventually, security discovers that Biter Been isn’t an employee, so the CEO sends his army of jewelry makers, candle makers, journalers, and cross stitcher to kill him. Many before him had tried and failed to take down the creators of Etsy. Biter Been doesn’t have a gun or even a knife but he has a secret skill that allows him to disarm even the crankiest cross stitcher.

The previous terrorist task force specialists before him tried guns and knives to take down the Angry Etsy’s. But Biter Ben has a better idea. As a trained chiropractor, he knows what will really stop Etsy’s in their tracks are cracked necks, not snapped necks. He knows they are just in pain from sitting at their desks creating and their necks hurts. He dodges pinpoint needles aimed at him and gets behind them and cracks their necks and backs. They are in so much shock from finally feeling good that they can’t move. They drop their weapons of destruction and Biter Been finally makes it to the CEO’s office, where he is surrounded by only the crankiest old grandma’s.

They attack him with stickers that barely miss and end up stuck in the wood of the door. Biter Been sneaks past all of them and gets behind the CEO, with his chiropractic neck grip on him. The full security team enter the room with all their weapons aimed directly at Biter Been. He is trapped. His only move is to crack the neck of the CEO and then he puts his hands up. The CEO falls to the floor, and in gasp of ecstasy he proclaims, “That man saved my neck. It’s never felt better. Let him go.”

The Etsy CEO immediately orders all employees to exit the building and he triggers the explosives. The building is leveled and Biter Been is the hero.

The CEO moves back to New York City, where they build a 30-story building, with the same security measures as before. Things are different now, because he hires a chiropractor to make his employees less cranky.

As we fade out, we see Biter Been cracking necks of another terrorist organization.

Welcome to the Wild World of Bad Ideas. Did I mention this is a romantic comedy?


Bitter Cracking Necks and Cashing Checks Ben


22 thoughts on “Cracking Necks and Cashing Checks

  1. Pingback: There’s something in your Feed Bitterness | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. So that’s what Etsy is up to… I thought something was suspicious about all that handmade stuff, but I do like the jewelry and pottery. Hopefully they will be busy with the chiropractor while I browse.


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