Hello all. I’m pretty lazy when it comes to doing posts around Christmas, but I’m really good at reposting some classics. So I hope you enjoy. And Bitter Christmas to you all.
The Green Machine of Mean, the Brinch who stole Christmas…vacation.
He is as green as Eggs and Ham. He is as green as the Redwood Forest. He is as green as the Hulk and Yoda. He’s as green as a hippy on St. Patrick’s Day. As green as my envy when someone is laying on a couch better than I am. As green as the fried tomatoes in that movie. Yes, he is the Grinch and as you know, one of my bitter idols growing up. Though I haven’t quite surpassed his hairiness and greeness, I have surpassed his bitterness. I have a tale of my own as the Brinch Who stole Christmas Vacations. Watch as I tell the tale of the month before Christmas and the Workers down in Workville.
Every Employee down in Workville liked Christmas Vacation a lot,
But the Brinch who lived south of Workville did not
The Brinch hated Christmas vacation, the whole Christmas vacation season
Please don’t ask why, no one knows the reason,
Actually they do, it’s because everyone leaves him with work all season,
It could be that he likes to lay on the couch all night
Or that his socks are on too tight
On the couch, eating soda.
But the most likely reason of all
Is that his bitter heart was a little too small
I’ve put up with missing Christmas vacation for 15 years now,
I must stop others from getting Christmas vacation, “But how?”
The he got an awful idea
The Brinch got a terrible, awful idea,
I know just what to do, the Brinch laughed bitterly in his throat,
He made a quick casual Friday outfit, complete with a coat
He looked on the calendar at the vacation time
He checked ADP to see if something on there would rhyme
He found many spots on the calendar that hadn’t been taken
And decided that he would steal all his co-workers vacation
Brilliant! Steal others vacations!
He took Easter’s and New Year’s and St. Patrick’s Day,
He took July 4th, and Labor, and Memorial in May,
He took every last vacation day that anyone would want,
He even took Flag Day, yes he was that blunt,
And every time someone wanted a vacation
He found a way to stick himself in the situation
He found all the days in December you know,
Because everyone coveted them so they could frolic in the snow,
He took early, and late and the middle of the month,
They would all cry with envy and just say, “Hurumph”
They would have all kinds of envy as he left no time available
They wouldn’t get to watch all the Christmas specials on cable
Ha Ha, no Christmas specials on Cable!
The Brinch let out a laugh so bitter
As his co-workers wouldn’t have time off to shoot glitter
But then something happened as he sat on his couch
The employees were happy to be at work and wouldn’t even say, “Ouch!”
The giggled as they eat all the candy in the breakroom
Not having even one little bit of gloom
They talked and laughed and didn’t have to do much work
They even talked about Miley and her terrible Twerk
They did all his work happily
And even had their afternoon tea
The Brinch finally came back to work even more miserable now
Cause no one got mad or even had a cow
Time for wallowing.
When they had to work the holidays and answer phone calls.
They said, “We avoided the crowds at the mall!”
They didn’t have to go to crowded theaters
Or be outside playing in the cold with their brrsss
They had slow days where didn’t do much
Except gossip about many things or not much
They enjoyed they did and didn’t complain
And the Brinch spent most of his vacation in the rain
So this is where our bitter tale ends
With the Brinch having to spend the holidays with a bunch of, gulp, friends
Spend time with friends? Uggghh.
UGGGGHHHH
ARRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitter Brinch Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
My Lord, this is the most wonderful Poetry of all!!! But you don’t need to worry.
I WILL DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU!
I can dress up like you with my holographic technology, and you can enjoy Yule!
LikeLike
That sounds great. The Brinch is actually a big fan of stealing other people’s vacations. He was really sick of always having to work on Christmas, but then realized that working on Christmas was actually really quiet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I will serve you even on Christmas Eve my Lord
LikeLike
Yes, I appreciate that. I’ll probably be working with Bob Cratchit that day, or perhaps stealing the Who’s Christmas toys, but I will definitely need someone else to do my bidding that day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your army and myself are ready to do all operations on your behalf and at your command. I will also get you an anti gravity sleigh and a special Santa suit that instantly appears on your body with a personalized force field. There’s still different forms of Christmas in January. So we will work on that.
LikeLike
That sounds great. I will, of course, need some snow shipped in from the North Pole, so I can create some great frozen snowballs, to throw at my enemies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
……it’s being smuggled in as we speak by an army of French Loggers who are currently unemployed in the United States. (Don’t ask, they’re too embarrassed to explain that).
LikeLike
That sounds fine. The more illegal the better. Just make sure they have really funny French accents.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They have really “musky” sounding accents. If that makes any sense. And one of them is named Jose but not like the Spanish Jose. It’s pronounced Joe-Say 🤔 I confess I think I need to brush up on my modern French. I am still used to speaking Anglo French from my magical spell books
LikeLike
Musky sounds pretty great. Perhaps they can be Transformers and change from loggers into beavers, but still keep that French accent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmmm an army of……WERE BEAVERS!!!!!!!!
LikeLike
Yes, WERE Beavers, or Zombie Beavers, either one sounds pretty scary, but also they can build stuff for us as well, when they aren’t scaring away enemies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Poor Brinch. Maybe a roast beast sandwich with greasy black peeled banana skins might make Brinch feel a little better.
LikeLike
The Brinch loves the greasy black banana skins. It’s really bad for his skin.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Merry Bitter Christmas, Ben.
LikeLike
I had the bitterest Christmas. Thanks. Just wait until the New Year. 2022 for the loss!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice. I’m such a big fan, I have a grinch wood cutout spotlighted in my front yard.
LikeLike
We actually have Grinch decorations outside our house for Christmas. My wife thinks the likeness is uncanny to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy (bitter) new year to you and yours, haha.
LikeLike
It’s already been a bitter banner year.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bitter and clever but also unfortunate. No one likes spending time in the rain. Who wants wet shoes?!
LikeLike
Yeah, the rain makes me and the Brinch very bitter.
LikeLike
Merry Christmas, Ben! ;o)
LikeLike
And a Bitter Christmas to you!
LikeLike
LOL. Thanks Ben! I probably will be once the bills start to arrive. 😀
LikeLike
The Bitter Bills will never be seen by this guy. The magically disappear and are paid for by this wonder fairy woman that lives in my house.
LikeLike
Gee! I wish I had a fairy woman. Oh wait… I do. In fact, I even said that to her. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
That poor bitter Brinch! Someone really should give him some butter. “It makes everything better when you’re bitter,” she dared to utter.
LikeLike
Now that is some Suess you just did. I, on the other hand, totally failed at it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nah! You did it quite well!
LikeLike
I guess for doing it last minute and such.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nah! You did very well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Un-Merry Brinchy Christmas to you and you alone. May the green one guide you through the season and into 2016, where you will find new ways to be bitter and unhappy. Yours untruly, Mary J.
LikeLike
I will sit alone in my bitterness tonight even with all the joy going on around me. Thanks for that!
LikeLike
Well once again, the gift of bitterness is priceless. Does the Brinch not realize this wonderful gift he was given? And, I am in fact even bitter that you are trying to steal my thunder with your sarcastic rhyme.
LikeLike
I figure I was stealing a little thunder, but I gave you the gift of being really bad at rhyming and poeting, so you will look really good in comparison.
LikeLike
You’re too kind!
LikeLike
Actually, I’m not kind, and how dare you insult me like that!
LikeLike
Kind, kind, kind, kind, kind…oh and really nice, yeah, just very sweet, you know???!!!!
LikeLike
Stop using those offensive words. They hurt my sensitive bitter ears.
LikeLike
Good, sweet….BEAUTIFUL!!!
LikeLike
My ears! My eyes! My skins is breaking out in sweet hives!
LikeLike
Ha, ha, ha!! Puppy dogs….kittens…rainbows…unicorns!
LikeLike
Ouch, ugh, aghh, uhhh. My bitter pain!
LikeLiked by 1 person
#rekt, lmao
LikeLike
Not familiar with the #rekt hashtag. Does it have something to do with bitterness?
LikeLiked by 1 person
that’s putting it lightly…
LikeLike
Wow that is messed up. I think I will need to do a post called Breaking Bitter.
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha, sounds good ^^
LikeLike
Hope I do someday!
LikeLiked by 1 person