I asked Gemini what the average number of words men speak per day vs how many women speak per day. Gemini cracked back with a bit of attitude and said that the differences of words per day used by men and women being very different was debunked by scientific research. Further, Gemini claimed that men … Continue reading Word Count BFG’s
Fiction
It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Every year since I've started to write, there's been this NaNoWriMO thing hovering over me, telling me to write 50,000 words in a month. As much fun as it sounds to write that many words, (which I might actually do with my blog and book combined), I don't know how in the world they expect … Continue reading It’s Manatee Madness Month BFG’s
Muckduck BFG’s
"R is the most menacing sound. That's why they call it murder, not muckduck." - Dwight K. Shrute, poet laureate. It is absolutely shocking to me that the sixth commandment, "Thou shalt not kill," which I look at as the most obvious sin against humanity, is so fascinating to humans. If you think about it, … Continue reading Muckduck BFG’s
Bitter Trance BFG’s
I'm one of those people like Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison that doesn't like sleep that much. The difference being that I've found a way to make those waking hours much less efficient by inventing nothing. I've always been a night owl because I get FOMVG, which of course means, Fear of … Continue reading Bitter Trance BFG’s
Transfer Portal BFG’s
College football sucks. And yet...it may be my path to fortune, if I play it just right. Remember at the beginning of this post when I said college football sucks? I hope so. It was only two sentences ago. It might sound like bitter grapes, but the reason I think college football sucks, is because … Continue reading Transfer Portal BFG’s
The Brinch who Stole Christmas…Vacation
Hello all. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to doing posts around Christmas, but I'm really good at reposting some classics. So I hope you enjoy. And Bitter Christmas to you all. He is as green as Eggs and Ham. He is as green as the Redwood Forest. He is as green as the Hulk … Continue reading The Brinch who Stole Christmas…Vacation
Pounding the Rock
The Spurs might be bad this year, even with a generational rookie in Victor Wembanyama, but the Spurs Coyote never fails as one of the best mascots in the NBA. Get the adorable plushy by clicking the link. * I'm not much of an inspirational quote guy, because inspiration usually comes in bursts and then … Continue reading Pounding the Rock
How the Mighty Has Fallen BFG’s
The American Dream is to become Assistant to the Regional Manager. Purchase the regional manager shirt by clicking the link.* We have this thing in America called the American Dream. It's the hope, belief, or dream that anyone that lives here, no matter how poor, unintelligent or resource deprived can with a little ambition, make … Continue reading How the Mighty Has Fallen BFG’s
Universe Hopping BFG’s
I'm a big fan of the Transformers Universe. From the moment I watched the first episode, I was Transfixed. It hooked me because of the robot changing to the car thing, but there was something simple that Transformers did that made Transformers so much more relatable to me than say, Star Wars. Like most Sci-Fi, … Continue reading Universe Hopping BFG’s
Rotational BFG’s
I've heard of some people that have lived in the same place, and the same home all their lives. I don't know if I can even comprehend that kind of situation, because I've been a nomad all my life. In chronological order, I've lived in California, New York, South Dakota, Idaho, 8 different locations in … Continue reading Rotational BFG’s
Life Isn’t About a Box Of Chocolates Bitterness
The first time I watched Forrest Gump, I didn't make it all the way through. I was on a date with a girl, and I could tell she was getting a little uncomfortable. I asked her if she wanted to leave, and she said she did. So we walked out and continued our date elsewhere. … Continue reading Life Isn’t About a Box Of Chocolates Bitterness
Side Quests BFG’s
Unlike most college students, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I've always been bitter, and my life is all about taking over the world so I can spread bitterness throughout the world. I only went to college to figure out the best way to do that. Of course, college failed … Continue reading Side Quests BFG’s
The Most Important Chip
My wife and daughter have been out of town since last Friday, so it's just me and my son for the week. My delusional personality figured it would fun and games for the whole week. The boy and I would play games on the weekend, then go to school and work and live the high … Continue reading The Most Important Chip
Filling in the Plot Holes BFG’s
The weather people in Utah spent all last summer moaning and complaining about the apocalyptical drought we were going through. They warned us to stop watering our lawns and demanded that we stop drinking unless we were on drop from dying of dehydration. We were assured if we brushed our teeth and let the water … Continue reading Filling in the Plot Holes BFG’s
The Bitter Corruption Industry
Ten years ago, I was living in Seattle at the peak of my misery. If you've lived in Seattle, you know there is only two seasons. One lasts 11 and a half months and it's cloudy, cold, rainy, wet and windy. The other two weeks, the sun vacationed in Seattle, but it was only for … Continue reading The Bitter Corruption Industry
Electric Blue Bitterness
I've spent most of my life trying to spread bitterness like most people spread frozen butterness on their toast. Just like the spreaders of butter on toast, it's hard work and it rarely works out how I want it to. After spreading bitterness for almost 50 years, I finally decided to make the world better … Continue reading Electric Blue Bitterness
My Hostage Demands
There are a lot of things that I am, but one of the things I'm not is a demanding person. If you are a customer service rep, you want my name to pop up on your caller ID, because this is going to be an easy call. If you are my family, you know I … Continue reading My Hostage Demands
Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s
A long time ago, in a land not so far away, 3 other guys and I did a not-planned-very-well-at-all day trip to a canyon, in which they decided to be dumb and drive down into ravine in early May. In the location of which I speak, it was a steep climb back up and snow … Continue reading Dumb Ways to Die BFG’s
Potemkin Village Bitterness
When I graduated from college in 1998, I started working as a junior copywriter for a Fortune 500 company. At least that was what was supposed to happen, according to the movies. Unfortunately, I didn't go to Harvard, MIT, or even the lowly Yale. If you aren't related to a Rockefeller, a Gates or a … Continue reading Potemkin Village Bitterness
Enter the Matrix BFG’s
The other day I decided to do something really different at work. After listening to another podcast about why I am dying at slow death every day from sitting too much, I stood up, and walked away from my desk. It wasn't for very long, of course, but enough to actually make a journey to … Continue reading Enter the Matrix BFG’s
Ben's Bitter Blog 