Choose your own adventure BFG’s

Growing up in California, one of my earliest memories was when I was 5. My mom made me and my brother some capes made out of felt and a little buckle to fasten around our necks. I, of course, was Superman, because he could fly and my brother was Batman, because he liked brooding in caves (maybe I should have been Batman). We would wear these capes around the neighborhood and fight crime. One time we brought some perps to justice for stealing a stick that we were using to build the Hall of Justice in our yard.

For some reason, I didn’t end up becoming Superman as a career, because he was a journalist and could fly to space to be alone if he wanted. I tried to take to fly to space once when I got grounded, but I just stayed grounded. (Again, maybe I should have chosen Batman, because he inherited billions from his father’s company). It was then, that I realized the biggest problem with society is that parents are too optimistic with their kids.

They always say, “If you believe and work hard enough, you can be anything you want.” I worked generally hard, and had some medium belief that I would be Superman. So maybe I didn’t quite work hard enough or believe quite enough. Did that mean I should have at least had the opportunity to be a minor superhero, with some decent powers?

It’s kind of like those “Choose your Own Adventure” books I read when I was young. They gave you this illusion that your story could have unlimited endings that you could choose. In reality, they only gave you one or two choices and usually the choices lead you to a crappy end.

Same with the internet. When the internet first came out, people were like “this thing is full of unlimited possibilities”. Now, you generally surf the same 10 websites, and stick mostly to your 3 or 4 favorite social media feeds. You have been duped. You think you have unlimited decision ability. But you don’t. You’re in the Matrix. The architect is creating all these illusions around you, and Smith is enforcing them.

And, I as one of the Matrix’s AI assigned blog writer’s, am tasked with the job of conditioning you to come back every week for your little treat of Funny Gif’s. Unfortunately, this blog is supposed to reach millions and is completely failing. Does that surprise you that I’m a failure at my Matrix job? It seems my followers are failures as well, because you, the few privileged “Bitter Ones” aren’t spreading the word enough. If you do, maybe I could Smith to take you out for a nice steak. If you spread it even more, we’re talking even better stuff. As a tiny reward right now for sharing, here’s another round of Gifs. Who wants some?

Who knows, maybe your dream of becoming Superman…

superman bathroom GIF
…and being able to shave with your heat vision will come true.

Or perhaps you can be Batman…

sad batman GIF
…and you can brood in your cave and think about your dead parents.

Maybe your dream of becoming Taylor Swift…

Taylor Swift Magic GIF by moodman
…riding on her magic Catacorn will come true.

Or maybe you dream of beef…

Meat Steak GIF by Beef. It's What's For Dinner.
...because that’s what for dinner.

Unless you are a vegetarian…

John Corbett Smile GIF by My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
…and you dream of the perfect veggie wrap.

Don’t worry…

Adventure Time Can Of Beans GIF
…you seem to be doing just fine on your own.

I’d like to give you some big Kudos…

Choose Your Own Adventure Twitch GIF by HUPChallenge
…for not completely sucking.

I mean you’re not…

the office toby GIF
…like Toby at all.

You should definitely…

season 11 episode 3 GIF by So You Think You Can Dance
…keep following the advice your parents kept giving you.

Never give up…

Rick Astley Pixel GIF
…on those dreams.

Never surrender…

901 GIF
…those dreams.

Or alternatively…

Give Up Conan GIF by Team Coco
…take a deep breath and give up.

Because giving up is a nice way to release tension, and get some rest for once. Pursuing dreams is exhausting. Instead of manifesting, working and putting forth all this effort, just give up. Stop following dreams and just let dreams come to you. In your sleep. When you are resting. And when you are ready, the Matrix will provide. Speaking of the Matrix, go see Matrix Resurrections in theaters next week. You might even see me. It might look like the main character is Keanu Reeves, but that is just me Matrixing as him. Enjoy the movie about me.


Bitter Choose your Own Adventure Ben


20 thoughts on “Choose your own adventure BFG’s

    • The reason I know that we only use same sites is because I always use the same sites.
      I do like Superman’s ability to fly into space and be alone, but I would hate to have his hearing and be able to hear all the cries of people wanting help.

      Liked by 1 person

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