Streaming Service Bitter Friday Giftures

Most of my workday is spent in a chair typing stuff on a computer. In the broad scope of things, it will end up being the most significant thing that someone has ever done for this world and for that, you should all be thanking me. The world would be a pretty cold, cruel place … Continue reading Streaming Service Bitter Friday Giftures

Star Girl’s Bitter Twist Ending

I've always been a bit of a contradictionist. When people liked Nike's, I wore Reeboks (maybe that was because my parents didn't want to pay for Nike's). I liked the San Antonio Spurs when everyone else in my area liked the Utah Jazz. My favorite contradiction of all is the getting up early, staying up … Continue reading Star Girl’s Bitter Twist Ending

Bitter Sisyphean Weekend Friday Giftures

As you know, my fitness program is less about walking or moving and more about "fitness whole pizza in mouth" kind of program. If moving around and getting fit was my default mode instead of resting for 8 hours at night, then I might like it. Unfortunately, I think my son has followed in my … Continue reading Bitter Sisyphean Weekend Friday Giftures

The Upside Downiverse Bitter Friday Giftures

As the calendar flips to October, Halloweenites can finally breathe easy with knowledge that they can finally come out of the closet...with their decorations, costumes, candy and fake graveyards. I used to work with a guy that loved Halloween so much, that he said he started working on his costume for Halloween on November 1st. … Continue reading The Upside Downiverse Bitter Friday Giftures

Bananas Bitter Friday Giftures

Remember when I talked about us living in a simulation a little while ago? Probably not, because you don't really think about my posts after you read them. Living in a simulation doesn't really make sense right? But then you watched the Matrix and you started to believe. One of the ways the Matrix taught … Continue reading Bananas Bitter Friday Giftures

Streamer Bitter Friday Giftures

When I was 22, I had the energy to work a full day, come home, play a sport, and then after that go out and enjoy some time with friends and then come home and stay up until 4 am. I never did any of those things, but I had the energy to do those … Continue reading Streamer Bitter Friday Giftures

Stealth Arts Bitter Friday Giftures

Besides the candy part, I've never been a big fan of Halloween. The part I like least is the dressing up. If I was good at making and wearing costumes, I could be making big bucks doing cosplay and going to conventions like Comic-con, or PAX. Maybe it's the fact that wearing uncomfortable, hot, sweaty … Continue reading Stealth Arts Bitter Friday Giftures

Difficulty Settings Bitter Friday Giftures

I used to be young. When I was that, I used to be really good at video games. There was this Mega Man game that I played once and really liked it and when screenshots of Mega Man 2 came out, I was just floored. At the time, they were bleeding edge graphics and I … Continue reading Difficulty Settings Bitter Friday Giftures

Mayonnaise Packet Bitter Friday Giftures

As an ardent video gamer and human being, I'm very familiar with what gamers like to call a "fetch quest". If you are not familiar, it's basically the way a game will extend a mission, make a game longer. In real life, it's just a way of making your life more frustrating. The definition is … Continue reading Mayonnaise Packet Bitter Friday Giftures

Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures

Yesterday, I had just arrived at my gym parking lot, when my wife called. So I had to do the most amount of multitasking I could possibly do, which was walking and talking on the phone at the same time. By the time I got to the treadmill we were still talking, so I had … Continue reading Treadmill Bitter Friday Giftures

The Simulation Bitter Friday Giftures

You know the movie Free Guy with Ryan Reynolds is coming out today right? Since Ryan wasn't able to sponsor this blog post because of his ties to Mint Mobile, I'm going to sponsor it myself. Unfortunately, my bank account is being drained by these three people who are squatting in my house (they keep … Continue reading The Simulation Bitter Friday Giftures

Underground Lair Bitter Friday Giftures

We've all lost a lot in the pandemic. Lost lives, lost jobs, lost businesses, lost freedoms and lost breathing (you know from those dang masks). All I know is that I've never wearing one of those things again. I've personally lost a lot of things since the pandemic started too. I'm still missing one of … Continue reading Underground Lair Bitter Friday Giftures

Famous Relatives Bitter Friday Giftures

Fun Fact: I am in the movie Jaws. Not as an actor, no as in my name. And it might be at one of the scariest parts. If you don't believe me, watch this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDs5a0BcEzY Other than this obscure fact about my name is in the first ever summer blockbuster, and the runaway success of … Continue reading Famous Relatives Bitter Friday Giftures

Messenger Boy Bitter Friday Giftures

I've had a few jobs in my days as a person. The first one I had was a back yard maintenance crewperson for a Midwestern bank executive and his wife. They provided room and board from ages 0 to 18. Sometimes they would pay me $10 for the lawn mowing. Sometimes they would hug me, … Continue reading Messenger Boy Bitter Friday Giftures

Gum Confident Bitter Friday Giftures

I was one of the last people to watch a movie in a theater before the pandemic thing started 5 years ago. I remember it so clearly, because it was March 13th, maybe a couple of days after the NBA shut down. It was on Friday the 13th and the theater had maybe 6 people … Continue reading Gum Confident Bitter Friday Giftures

Road Trippin Bitter Friday Giftures

The road trip movie is a standard Hollywood movie right of passage. Besides a couple of exceptions, (Vacation, Tommy Boy, Dumb and Dumber) they are pretty formulaic and kind of an excuse for terrible and absurd things to happen. Then at the end of the horrific trip, the participants are supposed to have learned something … Continue reading Road Trippin Bitter Friday Giftures

Gas Station Bitter Friday Giftures

For all six of you who follow me regularly, you might have noticed that I was MIA last week. That's because I was sequestered by my company to go on a long business trip. You might think that it would have been a fun trip because I was flying first class with hot towel and … Continue reading Gas Station Bitter Friday Giftures

Masterclass Bitter Friday Giftures

You know that college is pretty useless right? Don't believe me? Just take a look at just two examples I have, both in my own family, and I will prove it. (Isn't that what science teaches us? That we have to prove things?) First example is me. I went dutifully for 5 years to college. … Continue reading Masterclass Bitter Friday Giftures

Pain in the Neck Bitter Friday Giftures

My neck has done some heavy lifting throughout my life. And not by choice. By obligation. It's connected my low functioning brain connected to rest of me. It's done a lot of swiveling back and forth between two computer screens and been pushed back and forth on roller coasters. It's been shaved thousands of time … Continue reading Pain in the Neck Bitter Friday Giftures