41 Things I’m Bitter About

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So I heard it was your birthday…

It is again that time of year when I get to celebrate all the people asking me stupid questions like, “What are you going to do today?” and “What kind of cake do you want?” and “What presents did you get?” and “How can I annoy you the most today on the day that you want to be annoyed the least?”.   “How can I make the day that you used to look forward to be the day you dread the most?”.  “What cheesy phrase can I spit out from my arsenal of cheesy phrases that will make you groan the most?” I have several other questions that I just can’t wait to hear, but I’m hoping that you are smart enough to figure out the point by now.  If not, I have a super deep hole you can jump in that will help you figure it out quite easily.  As you know, I have a lot of things to be bitter about this year, but there’s something about this time of year that makes me want to reveal 41 things that make me bitter.  So here goes:

Wow, you are looking so young.

Wow, you are looking so young.

1. Llamas.  How is it that they are any different than alpacas? And any animal that is famous for spitting is bitter in my book.

2. Railroad signs.

3. Crowds.  Cause other people.

4. Tree buds. Yeah more trees on the way.

5. Empty Pizza Boxes.  So pointless!

6. Fone callz.  Cause phone calls are bad enough.

7. Clowns.

Surprise...

Surprise…

8. Bags (under my eye).

9. Hair. It is everywhere except where I want it and costs money to remove.

10. Clocks.  Cause ain’t nobody got time for that.

11. Flowers.  They would be even worse if I were allergic to them.

12. Las Vegas. Cause every casino doesn’t look exactly the same inside.

13. Pictures of Sunsets.  How do you know they aren’t sunrises?

14. Pillows on couches.  When I have to throw 15 off the couch just to sit down, there might be too many.

15. Fingernails.  They only protect the upper part of my fingers.

16. Toenails. They don’t protect my toes at all.

I've definitely got bigger...

I’ve definitely gotten bigger…

17. Emoji’s. Still not a good one for bitter.

18. Candles.  Too much of a middleman.

19. Plates.  The splinter’s from them breaking aren’t hurting enough people’s feet.

20. Gloves with cut off fingers.  Because why again?

21. Expensive sunglasses. Because I want them, but always lose them.

22. Flat tires. Because I got one at the worst time and I had to change it.

23. Wi-fi. Because it only works when I’m working on Word.

You don't look old at all....

You don’t look old at all….

24. Bottlecaps.  Soda blocker.

25. Cords.  In order to have cordless things there always needs to be cords. What?

26. Tulips.  Shouldn’t one be enough?

27. Sneezing.  So I’m not allowed to open my eyes while sneezing just once?

28. Pants. Getting in the way of comfort since they were invented.

29. Skulls. Blocking my idiotic statements from getting out since 1973.

30. Rubik’s Cube.  I guess Rubik was tired of trying to figure it out, so he sold his cube to see if someone else could figure it out.

31. Bitcoins.  Because fake Monopoly money isn’t enough fake money.

32. Splinters.  Who knew something so small could not only burrow itself so deeply into the skin, but irritate so completely.

You're only 41? Um hmmm....

You’re only 41? Um hmmm….

33. Bowling.  Because it is possible for a little kid to beat a grown adult by accident.

34. School.  Math? Science? Why?

35. Taffy. So much work to eat.

36. Bologna.  Because blogs don’t taste like meat.

37. Scissors.  Why can’t I run with them?

38. Lungs.  They should store more so I can at least walk up some stairs without breathing heavily.

39. Convenience stores. What is convenient about paying 20 dollars for a hot dog that is spinning on some metal conveyer belt?

40. Facts. Because who needs them when you are in the middle of an argument?

41. Spots.  Cause my eyes, and dogs and shirts don’t need them.

Enough of these shenanigans.  I’m off to celebrate by getting annoyed by everyone and their stupid questions like, “So what was Moses like?” and “What was there before dirt?” jokes.  I can’t wait.

If you need even more reasons to be bitter, check out last year’s 40 reasons to be bitter.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHH

Bitter Birthday Ben

417 thoughts on “41 Things I’m Bitter About”

  1. “Cords. In order to have cordless things there always needs to be cords. What?” lol
    Your piece almost made me choke. I love it.
    Belated bitter birthday to you Ben.

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  9. I thought this blog was about English pale ale. Instead it’s about the feeling I get when people don’t smile back at me. Do not misunderstand me, I’m not bitter.

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    • I’m only 41. If you are looking for more just read all 326 other posts on my blog. If you need more than that, keep checking back every week for at least two new reasons. If you need more than that, I can sign you up for a million dollar class that you bury you so full of bitterness you won’t know what hit you. If you need more than that…

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  15. Pingback: Reflection 12: What get’s me to Thinking: 41 Things I’m Bitter About

  34. unsure that if there’s anything I can respond with that doesn’t taste bitter as gall, lol. Certainly not Happy birthday. How about, I hope you have another forty-one years so you can double up on reasons for bitterness? 😉
    #djblackmore.com.au

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  42. Are you bitter about all the popularity from being Freshly Pressed (sort of like those pants that get in the way of comfort)? 😉
    Also, the tulips thing was a good one. Bonus points for that. XD

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      • Is it bad to say, “Well, people suck.”??
        Because I was totally going to say that, then thought it was bad, then said it anyway by putting it in a question to make it possibly not sound so bad.
        You should be famous ALL THE DAYS.

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        • Well yes people do suck and as nice as it is for you to say that I should be famous ALL THE DAYS, I would actually like to live in obsurity writing novels in my shed. Oh wait, it sounds like I want to be you. Except way less famous.

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        • Hahaha.
          Yes, the living in obscurity writing novels in the shed thing is pretty ideal. Isn’t ideal in getting said novels OUT THERE, but I enjoy it.

          You’re on a strange track to being not-famous, getting Freshly Pressed (like pants) and all. 🙂

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        • I wish I could churn out novels like you, but still be able to live out in a shed so noone could meet me. There would be a mystery about me, which would create curiosity, which would hopefully create some money so I could just move to a bigger shed and get a car that would feel okay to drive in the rain.

          Being Freshly Pressed makes you bitter after a while just like your birthday does. A lot of attention for a short while, then after a while it just gets old getting the same kind of comments that you just want to ignore.

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        • LOL. Churning them out isn’t the problem. Churning out ones that are decent enough to potentially release IS. I’ve written more than a few ‘duds’. I guess that’s just part of it.
          I don’t think that writing in a shed makes me mysterious. (I DO NOT LIVE IN THE SHED, but I DO spend most of my time out here, which MIGHT count…)
          I’m pretty fond of our car, despite the ‘rain’ thing. I don’t really drive it though. I’ll only drive stick if I absolutely HAVE to. Terrified of rolling backwards into a person (car) on a hill. Just too much anxiety.

          I’m sorry if/that I’m included in that commenting statement. >.>

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        • You know, this makes me think of envy. I think too many people, myself included, envy other people and their situations, and wish they could live their lives instead of our own. While it may appear to me that other people have lives that I want, I don’t know everything, (there is no way possible that I could). I only know the surface things, the things that people tell me. While I think it would be fun for me to think that my sister (who just seems to live a charmed life) or you (who is bravely doing what she loves or feels she has to do with all those stories inside that need to get out) I really have no idea about all the struggles you both have. So while I say that I would want to have your life sometimes, I know you have a lot of struggles that I have no idea about. Just wanted to say that to not minimize what you do. You have all kinds of things that I don’t know about and that is okay. Just know that I admire you for all you do. And thanks for writing your great novels, even for your small (but hopefully growing) audience, who love and adore your writing and characters. Hopefully that will encourage you to keep doing what you are doing, especially when it gets rough, or it feels like you are grinding your gears. Just keep up the good work!

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        • I just have to let you know that this seriously almost made me cry.
          It really meant a lot to me. 😦 🙂
          You’re a pretty awesome and amazing BF.
          Regardless of the prior conversation on hugging, I would hug you right now if I could.

          I have to let you know that I really needed this right now. Gear-grinding has definitely been happening, and yeah. So thank you. Seriously.

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        • Well, thank you for holding back on the tears. I hate to make others cry. 🙂
          Hey, supporting others and encouraging others to follow their dreams is what BF’s do.
          Sorry we can’t hug, but maybe a long distance one, however that works.
          Sorry you have been having a hard time. Just know that your fans believe in you! I know this is gonna be a great book and should go viral and sell millions. Just remember the little guy when you make it big!

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        • XD

          This is true. We should all encourage everyone to follow their dreams. (Because, really, what’s the point of being here if we don’t do as much?) But ESPECIALLY BF’s.
          Speaking of which, have you done any writing on your book lately??

          LoL, yes, we can long-distance hug. I guess it would be a mental-type thing. We just say we hugged and call it a day.

          Haha, going viral and selling millions. Dream big, huh? 😉

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        • I don’t know how you blog when you are writing all those books. I just do 3-4 posts a week and I seriously can’t find the time to ever do my book. Even when I am being goaded by my writing group to do something. There just isn’t enough time in the day (or night) to do everything you want. You know that though. I think it will probably have to take me scaling back on my blog to get enough time to do it. Or cutting out something. Not sure. All I know is that I used to write four days a week at lunch and now that is devoted to blogging. I’m surprised I’ve ever had time to eat at lunch.

          But I do someday want to have to choose a cover for my book and choose a font, and put my name at the top of the book. And to promote it and to tell libraries that they need to carry it. Maybe I need to help you come up with a way to get your book to go viral through some crazy way.

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        • I don’t either. I can’t really do both. It’s more one or the other. I can sometimes manage both when I’m editing, but writing? No. It really just takes up SO MUCH TIME.
          The books seem more important to me for the most part. I think I might come out of hiding around release points, but I really just can’t manage both. That might be bad, and it might be a horrible ‘strategy,’ but honestly? It is what it is.

          No, there really isn’t enough time to do everything you want (general ‘you’). I guess it’s all prioritizing. Doing three posts a week doesn’t SOUND like much, but I know it was for me when I was doing three (which I will probably get back to soon for a while). Would it help to cut yourself down to two posts a week, do you think? I guess it’s all a matter of what you want to do.

          Haha, about the name at the top of the book. Yeah, honestly all that is more awesome than I can say. It’s a totally surreal experience to see YOUR BOOK. So I hope you have that one day too. I really do. 🙂
          If you can come up with something like that, I’d probably be game. Because I seriously suck so bad at that aspect of this.

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        • I think we are on the opposite ends of the blog/book time thing. I’m probably about 90% blog/1% book and 9% real life. You are probably at least a better percentage on the blog though. Although this Saturday for our writer’s group, we only have one critique or whatever you call it and then we are writing, so I will actually write something. I did have a good idea about my book the other day, so that is definitely a good sign. I love when I start getting those.

          I’m guessing you won’t come out of hiding. There is always something to work on in writing and it sounds like you are working on 3 or 4 series. Can’t leave them alone can you? I wish you luck though. The outdoors are hard for me too. I like just sticking to my computer and games for the most part whenever I have free time.
          I can’t believe you will have almost 2 books out now(maybe you will by the time you read this.) It’s kind of weird to say, but it kind of feels like I’ve been on you with your journey through your books, even though they are really just yours. I just know that I started reading your blog before your first came out and it feels like just yesterday. Anyways, it has been fun to hear about your progress through them and it has been fun to get to know you more.

          I hope you enjoy putting your baby out into the world and enjoy seeing what happens with it.

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        • At least you’re fitting some real life percentage in there? That’s something, right?
          Has your percentage changed a lot now that you’re working on your book again?
          I’m really glad to hear that you had an idea for yours and that you’ve been getting back to it. How has that been going? Have you had more ideas since then? I really hope it’s going well…

          LoL, my percentage would vary depending on the release schedule, since I ‘come out of hiding’ near those. At least that’s probably what I’m going to stick to with it. If I had it my way, I would be working ALL THE TIME. (I suck so bad at this aspect that I feel like I might as well be.)

          Actively working on several series, yep. I did put up that What’s in the Works? page, where I list off all of them and make notes when I get around to them again. I’m really looking forward to getting back into writing the newest series, but I don’t have a clue when in the world that will be. :/

          LoL, yep, almost two books out now. Pretty crazy stuff! Sometimes it does feel like just yesterday when the first came out, but other times it feels like forever. (Maybe because I finished writing it almost two years ago?)
          I could say something really weird and lame about how we’re all journeying together, but…
          Yeah, no.
          I’m sure you get it anyway. XD

          But in all seriousness, I’m so ridiculously glad to have you as a friend. Wooo for WP bringing people together and all that. 🙂

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        • Basically, I’m now focusing my lunch time on writing up my summary thing that I told you about before. The thing that is key. It is taking me a little while, but like I said it is key, so I don’t want to go forward until it is to my satisfaction. So whatever percentage that is, is what I’m dedicating to it. Is that 5%?
          I hope that you are able to get your wish to work all the time. Just kidding. Make sure you come up for air sometimes. We want you to live beyond 25. Got it?
          You have so many series you are working on, I don’t think even you know all about them. How do you keep track of all of them? I guess not sleeping helps huh?
          Come on, say something cheesy about how we are all going on a journey together. It would be so funny and something we could laugh about. You are good at making all this stuff go together. Or maybe that is me. Being an advertising guy and all.
          It is amazing that you can find friends in the most unlikely place that you would imagine. When I started this blog, I had no clue that I could ever find a friend this way. Crazy.

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        • How is the summary going? Did you get to work on it at all during your week off, or was that totally chilled out/no work of any sort? (Do you consider working on your book WORK??)

          LoL, I’ve already lived beyond 25, soooooooo….
          But yeah, I’d like to live WELL beyond it. I have too much stuff I need to do.
          (Also, there is air in the shed. There’s a window AC unit, and that literally circulates air. Sorry. I’m being a smarta**.)
          I sleep quite a bit, actually. Most of the time, at least. And I don’t know. I have more of them going on in my head than I’m even working on. The way I keep track of them is apparently pushing all other things out of my head. I’ll blame part of my bad memory on that.

          I totally lost track of what we were saying past the ‘going on a journey together’ part. I don’t know what we were talking about with making stuff go together. Sorry. >.<

          It really is pretty amazing to find people that you can be friends with. I mean, out of the billions of people in the world and all. (That's not me being a smarta** again.) I think it's seriously difficult for people to mesh at all. So it's crazy, and awesome. 🙂

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        • The summary is getting better. Of course I took the week off, so I didn’t do it then, and this week back has been hard to get anything going too, but I did have my group look at it and they think it is a good start. Is that telling how slowly I’m moving with it? It takes me as long to do a summary as it takes you to write a whole series. I do consider it work in a way in that I don’t just pick it up like a video game controller and start playing. I need a few things to get going, (music, time to do it, a place not to be bothered) but once I get going and typing and imagining, it isn’t like work at all. Except when I get stuck on something. Then it becomes frustrating. But you know all about that right?
          This might sound weird, but since we were talking about age, I have seen a lot of people live to be really old (90 or above) and can’t imagine living that long. I kind of want to live long enough to enjoy life after retiring (earn some downtime after all those years of working), but not so long that all I do is exist and be in so much pain that it doesn’t feel worth staying any longer. Going on a different journey, ya know? I think about mortality a little more now that I am getting old. Anyways, enough about that depressing subject.
          You are funny making jokes about air in your shed. I love the old pun and smarta** thing, I’m probably the biggest one without causing confrontation. I will goad people just enough to make them mad, then pull back to let them know I’m just kidding. I know, such a terrible thing to do, but some people need to taking things so seriously and I’m there to make sure it doesn’t happen. Anyway, smarta** away with me. I can take it(usually).
          I know how it is forgetting what we are talking about too. I sometimes have to search the post and find the comments just so I remember what the heck we were talking about. Sometimes fun to go back, others times, I just wonder how we ever started talking about something. Maybe it was something about how your journey was with Aster. How you grew together with her? Some weird question like that.
          Yep. Crazy how some girl from Kentucky that lives in a shed, could somehow meet someone that works 9 hours a day in customer service can meet across the internet and become best friends. And how I can walk by a neighbor that I have lived next to for 13 years and barely know anything about them. Talk about irony (or literary word like that).

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        • I know we talked about writing a while ago via text (which doesn’t really give much room to actually talk about anything). Have you been working on the summary more? Or do you not have the time?

          LoL, I can’t write a series as fast as I used to with all this other stuff going on. Bummer.

          Ha. Yes, I know all about getting stuck on something with writing and being frustrated by it. This new series has definitely done that to me, especially at the first of it.

          I don’t know how in the world we got on the subject of mortality, but yes, I know what you mean. I actually would really like to live to be old. Maybe that’s just weirdness and loving my mamaw so much. But I do think about that sort of thing quite a bit.

          It’s funny that we were talking about smarta**es and whatnot, and you mentioned taking things too seriously. I’m sort of somewhere in the middle of those, if that’s possible.

          I’m glad you can go back through comments to find what we were talking about. Maybe I’m lazy, but I just don’t. So you have to deal with me constantly not really knowing what was going on. 😀

          It really is weird, what you were saying (and we must’ve been talking) about with becoming friends. So weird how some people just click.
          And yeah, I try to avoid neighbors where possible. I really would love to not have neighbors close enough so that I’d never have to see them. Does that make sense? >.>

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    • There is absolutely no reason for Birthday cards with no money in them. Who invented that idea? Some alpaca farmers?

      I wouldn’t even want to smell a llama’s breath if it smelled like pepperoni pizza.

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