I am in an undisclosed location that absolutely does not rhyme with DUtah, under strict orders by myself to not to do work, but the Mr. Work Enforcer (me) never said anything about blogging, even though it is a lot of work. I’m in an overground bunker that they call houses here, that has a couch that I am laying on most of the day. This makes me bitter because of course, I should be on the couch all day, not just most of it. Yesterday, my family interfered with me blogging because “they wanted to spend time with me”. My question to them is “Why?” Have they ever met me? Haven’t they enjoyed their time when I’ve ignored them? And now they want to come to this undisclosed location and spend more time together? Weirdos.
So here is what both you and I missed from last week.
I started by writing an April Fool’s Post that fooled about approximately 0.00 people. The thing that made me bitter is that 100% of the people were not sad to see me go. Maybe it is time to retire. Or not, because I just want to annoy everyone who wasn’t sad to see me go. So I’m gonna not leave on purpose.
If that weren’t bad enough, I offered advice on how to become better at being bitter. It comes naturally to me and some of the more entrenched Bitter Followers, but the rookies needed some help to and I was not glad at all to offer it.
I don’t know what would have caused me to be in attack mode on Friday’s Giftures. Maybe it was the way I attacked the pizza at lunch or the way I attacked my tire when it went flat, but I was pretty much in attack mode. And nobody wants that.
There were some bitter Twittering:
I got bitter comments:
On Friday Giftures:
“The way that guy reacted to the lion hug is how I react to all hugs.
Bitter Freaking Ben
…Except with Rory. – Katie
“You have waaaay too much time on your hands, man!” T.D. Davis
“The Sound of Music – with machine guns – brilliant! 🙂” – Lydia Devadeson
On The Key to Become a Better Bitterer:
“Seriously, the runaround table… I want it. Looks like so much fun to swirl.” Lifefullofjules
“I didn’t think it was possible but clearly I can be more bitter in my every day life. Good thing I just finished my first novel, except I still need to edit it, oh and also I have like twenty things I’m behind at at work and woops I haven’t finished that post from last week and it’s okay if I didn’t get my fiance anything for our five year anniversary, right?” ADixon210
“Um…I am already bitter. I had no idea but here it is in black and white! 😉” Amber Perea
On the Bitter Divide:
“This was doubly effective since I didn’t read this until several days after April 1… jerk…” elmerfgantry
“You ALMOST had me on this one. My glitter gut told me that it was an April Fools joke! Annnnd. I was right. Did you pull a prank on your wife? Or kids? My son didn’t. 🙂 But he did get his first contacts today. It was a milestone. 🙂” JavaGirl
“Oh my, Bitter Ben, you are such a stinker
Your touching story took me hook, line and sinker
I understood and believed your leaving status quo
Now I’m bitterly embarrassed if you really must know
Up till the end, I should have known bitter
We all count on Ben to not be a quitter
He may sputter and spout yet we keep coming back
For the laughter he brings, he has quite a knack!
. . . Just don’t let it go to your head! : ]” Snow
Anddd…some more Bitter Giftures:
Even guys sometimes have to deal with a big caboose when transforming into a car.