I am an idiot Bitterness

I admire people being good at things.  Musicians, artists, writers.  But not accountants.  You do things with numbers.

I admire people being good at things. Musicians, artists, actors, writers. But not accountants. They  do things with boring  numbers. (Please note that if you are a bitter accountant with rage issues I am just kidding.  Ha ha.)

Some people are good at acting or singing or making art or accounting.  I respect those people for being good at those things.  Except for the accountant.  Why would you want to be good at numbers?  So boorrrinng.  The art of creativity is awesome and people should be appreciated for their art whatever that may be(except you accounting, you aren’t creative).  I am good at a few things.  Being bitter comes to mind, writing, I think I’m pretty good at (except for grammar and words and punctuation.  I know some words, but the dictionary still hides a few…million that I don’t know.)

I am a really good driver.  Except for that one time, and that other one.  And the 10 speeding tickets.  But I am a good driver.

I am a really good driver. Except for that one time, and that other one. And the 10 speeding tickets. But I am a good driver.

I am pretty good at driving.  I have avoided accidents my whole life except for that one idiot girl that was on her way to prom or something and decided to run a red light and total my Honda, which made my world spiral downhill for a few weeks.  Highlights included me getting two speeding tickets within two weeks, (one of which was given from the same police officer who was on the scene for my accident).  The grand finale was when I got my Grandmother’s car towed because I parked in the wrong lot (because my totalled Honda had my parking sticker that cost me $60) and I called the tow company to get my grandma’s car back and they told me that they didn’t have anyone to bring me to the lot because all their drivers were busy.  So I proceeded to walk six miles to the lot only to find out that it was right across the street from my apartment.  If there were a holiday for bitterness this would have been a two week long celebration.

Yesterday, while not a part of bitter week, was definitely bitter afternoon.  While working busily at my job(yeah, sometimes I do that instead of blogging, sorry about that), I got a call at the end of the day from the receptionist.  “Bitter Ben,  someone just walked by your car and said it was running.”  Running? Running where?  I thought cars only drove.  (As well as being bitter, I am also a really good punnist.  I can’t help it.  It comes with being bitter.)

Thank goodness for good co-workers.

Thank goodness for good co-workers.

I quickly looked in my drawer where I keep my keys and sure enough, my keys were missing.  I ran(because people run, not cars) outside to a car that was well, running.  The keys were not only in the ignition, but the car was still running.  Since lunch, which was about three hours ago.   And of course I locked all my doors.  (Gotta be sure no one steals my $20 pair of sunglasses!).  If you are looking for a good car that would never get stolen, get a Dodge Caliber.  Even experienced thieves couldn’t break into this car.  And why wouldn’t they want this fancy car that is under $10,000 new.  It is one of the last known cars that have manual locks and doors.  (Ask your grandparents what manual locks and windows were like.)

Luckily a few people I work with are familiar with GTA (that’s Grand Theft Auto for those of you who don’t like crime) and had the right tools for the job.  Unfortunately, the one that did pop the lock for me, caused it so that my key won’t move the lock up and down.  So I have to unlock my passenger side, then reach over to my side, unlock it, then walk all the way back to my side and open the door.  As any of you who read my blog on a regular basis know, I don’t like to walk.  So, arrrgghhh!

So yes, I am an idiot who not only locks themself out of their car, but leaves it running.


Bitter Ben

23 thoughts on “I am an idiot Bitterness

  1. I came over her from Crumbsnatcher’s.

    Normally I don’t leave comments with strangers. But I feel close to you because on one cold morning I started my car to warm it up and when I closed the door I watched in horror as it locked because that car hated me. I was not bitter, though. The same cannot be said of my husband who had to drive 30 minutes each way from work to unlock the car.


  2. Love it Ben! Found you on Crumbsnatchers. LOVE the bitter gig, although I know it’s not a gig. It’s really you. I’m The Frazzled Mom. It’s my alter ego, yet it’s SO me. Great job!


  3. Pingback: The Spotlight’s On You! Vol 1:6 | Crumbsnatcher Tales

  4. Try not to be too bitter, Bitter Ben. Six years ago I was driving a lovely champagne green volkswagon Passat which I totalled. Six years before I had totalled a chevy cavalier. After wrecking the volkswagon I down graded to a PT cruiser.That was totalled last fall and now I am driving a 2000 chevy 1/4 ton, that reeks of the previous owners cigarette smoke and Febreze…….Oh yeah….. manuel everything….. I’m one accident away from a scooter.


    • I am bitter and that’s all there is to it. I can see how you could be bitter about all the cars you seem to go through. Remember, stop at stop lights and go when it is green. Also use those mirrors, but also check your blindspot.


  5. I did that once after working a stellar shift at the mall. I started my car to warm it as I scraped the windows while venting about my stellar shift at the mall and locked myself out. I had to leave a 1984 Pontiac Fiero running in the mall parking lot while I made rescue calls. I was so terrified someone would steal it. I know now why no one wanted it….


    • I was so bitter because this car was harder to break into than a Ferrari. It has manual locks. Why would anyone want to steal a car that you have to use your hands to unlock the car or you have to roll the window down with your hands? Yet it is Ft. Knox to get into?


  6. See, when I am a moron and lock keys inside cars, I make sure those cars belong to other people. Also, AAA hires former criminals. The guy showed up and had the keys out of the car in 2 seconds. I haven’t felt safe since.


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