Forged Bitter Friday Giftures

A lot of people that watch The Office actually don’t like Michael Scott (which is insane to me), because they think wasn’t a great boss. The problem they had with him is that he worked so hard at being liked and being everyone’s favorite comedian, that he didn’t care about the work. Little did they know, that he was way ahead of his time. By the time the Office came to the end, no one was talking about that awesome time that they made a sale, or that exciting time that Angela and Oscar balanced the budget at the end of the month. No. They were remembering all the fun things they did in the Office. Phyllis remarked at the end that day when they did no work while Michael was out of the office and Jim and Pam created the Office Olympics and Flonkerton. I’ve had a dozen or so bosses throughout my career and my wife is the only one I’ve ever liked. The always have the fatal flaw of wanting me to do work.

Michael realized way before his employees ever knew that the point of being in an office all day was to work on your comedy and email forwards. Dwight spent so much time worrying about being Assistant to Regional Manager that he didn’t realize that he could do karate demonstrations, start fires and destroy mannequins and Michael would still not make him Regional Manager. Jim always worried so much about making sales so he could support Pam, that he didn’t realize that he could constantly prank Dwight and he would never get fired. Stanley was so worried about getting enough sales so he could pay for his wives and mistresses that he didn’t realize that he could do crossword puzzles in meetings and yell at Michael all he wanted and still not get fired.

Michael was a genius before his time, because right in front of their faces for 7 years, he preached an important message that no one ever got. Work isn’t important. It was never an important part of being at the office. It was about Movie Monday’s, football in the office, parkour, office wide parties, basketball games, and most importantly Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure.

He attended all their weddings, went to their Diwali’s, went to weekend gatherings that he wasn’t invited to, invited them to his home for dinner parties, and even dated their moms. He cared more about them than their families did. He knew like no other bosses ever knew, that work is never important.

As Michael said at Phyllis’ wedding, said, “Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as the fusing of two medals with a hot torch. Well, you know something, I think you guys are two medals…gold medals.”

He cared about where his people were forged. I bet you care about how I was forged too. I was forged from a molten hot, angry and bitter volcano. Unfortunately, the welder that cut me out of the volcano forgot to give me permaabs that would have withstood my weekly pizza and nightly candy cravings. Instead, they inserted most of the metal into my head. That way, no common sense could penetrate my pure metal head. It also made hair impossible to grow on this head.

They made sure to forge bitterness permanently infused into medulla oblongata permanently bitter, so my body and brain are I’m impervious to anything but bitterness.

It wasn’t easy to be forged like I was, but this week’s Gif’s will do a medium job of explaining how I was created…

It took a lot of random pounding…

…to create me.

It wasn’t near as important to make me…

…as it was to make the Stormbreaker.

The recipe was a little complex…

…and took several ingredients.

It took a dash of…

…molding clay.

Mixed in some…

…anger.

Some jelly…

…ousy.

Mixed in a pinch…

… of saltiness.

And don’t forget…

…you can’t make a bitter sandwich without some spiciness.

You can’t forge the essence of bitterness…

…without breaking records.

You can’t get a cold shoulder…

…without a little chili.

You can’t make people not want to meet you…

…without a little meat.

You can’t roast people…

…without a little fire.

The most important ingredient was…

…bitterroot.

I know you didn’t ask, but that is the story anyways. Now that you know the whole backstory, you can now go re-watch the Office and realize why it is so important not to work.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Fusing of Metals with Hot Torches Ben

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