Gas Station Bitter Friday Giftures

For all six of you who follow me regularly, you might have noticed that I was MIA last week. That’s because I was sequestered by my company to go on a long business trip. You might think that it would have been a fun trip because I was flying first class with hot towel and first class service, and picked up in a limo where I would pitch my marketing plan for the next quarter to some Fortune 500 company. And you would be exactly wrong. Nope, instead my first business trip included a dragging a U-Haul full of T-shirts and supplements to weirdo Venice beach. But don’t worry, we got to stop on the way in weirdo Las Vegas and their Strip with their smoke and marijuana filled streets.

It was a gas. Speaking of gas, we needed it, so of course, we had to stop at gas stations all along the way. In fact, it seemed like every 300 miles we had to stop. And you know how much gas stations make me bitter. One gas station in Nevada told us that it was the World’s biggest, only to find out that there was some other station in Texas that was bigger. Guess they should have just said they were the biggest one in the town of Jean, Nevada. Then, when the new shiny competitor across the street had only 97 pumps, they could still claim they were the town’s biggest.

And another one we stopped at in some random Utah town still had a key for the bathroom. I thought those locked bathroom doors were outlawed in the 80’s, the 1880’s. They all stink like metal rolled hotdogs and stale nacho cheese. Sometimes they even combine with a fast food restaurant like McDonald’s or Burger King, which simultaneously make both the gas station and the McDonald’s worse, if that is even possible.

Okay, maybe a gas station-scented Big Mac’s might taste slightly better than a normal one, but that’s about it.

In the future, I think we should just have gas stations that you pull up to, get out to laugh and point at, because we all have electric, self-driving cars and we don’t need them anymore. Except to get crappy food and stale candy, after we just ate another gas station McDonald’s an hour before.

Here’s to turning gas stations into ghost towns. And while we’re at it, business road trips. Now on to the more interesting part of the post. Where you get to view funny Gifs and forget you ever read this post.

Nothing bad ever happens…

fail gas station GIF
…at gas stations.

And yet they are so pervasive…

Post Malone Oops GIF by ADWEEK
…you might even spot a Post Malone at one.

And at Circle K’s…

Nervous Keanu Reeves GIF by IFC
…you could see Keanu Reeves doing history reports.

You might see abominations…

Hot Dog Mustard GIF
…like this (the mustard).

You never know what kind of vehicles…

Gas Station Model GIF by Tiffany Abney
…will pull up for a fill up.

And they are always the most popular…

Season 4 Pr GIF by Veep HBO
…things to blow up in movies.

Other than helicopters…

air wolf explosion GIF by MANGOTEETH
…of course.

Some people like to use gas stations…

car wash gas GIF
…as more of a car wash.

Others like to use it as…

fail gas station GIF
…a little morning shower.

And it sucks when your gas tank…

Wot Gas Station GIF by WorldofTanks
…is on a tank.

Luckily you never run into any strange things…

bay area news GIF by NowThis
…happening at gas stations.

And definitely…

harmony korine dancing GIF by NEON
…no weirdos either.

Luckily, I have an electric car, so when I’m not off on some required work trip with a bunch of weird co-workers, or having to get gas for my wife’s car, I will never return to one of those abominations of society ever again. Until I need a gas scented Whopper again, I guess.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Gas Station Attendant Ben

7 thoughts on “Gas Station Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. I have to tale exception to you claiming mustard on a hot dog is an abomination. If not mustard, what? (Hint: Don’t say ketchup. That’s the abomination on a dog. Need tomato slices AND mustard)

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  2. Once upon a time, there was curious little gathering at little grass airstrip in the middle, not the outskirts of beyond, NOWHERE in the the upper peninsula of Michigan. One fellow had a light craft that could use auto gas (didn’t require avgas). And was low. A bunch of us pushed it to a nearby gas station and the fellow at the till got a helluva story.. about the time a plane filled up at his station.

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  3. I don’t know if I should deduct points or give you extra points for not making a vulgar joke about the kind of gas McDonald’s gives you. Mostly I am mentally reliving road trips in the heat. Ugh! Electric cars will not be as good as staying home! But I hope you get the first class flight/limo service one day.

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  4. “In the future, I think we should just have gas stations that you pull up to, get out to laugh and point at, because we all have electric, self-driving cars and we don’t need them anymore. Except to get crappy food and stale candy, after we just ate another gas station McDonald’s an hour before.”

    OK. I am now officially laughing my ass off!
    Literally.
    Just try to image that.
    Then try to ‘un-see’ it.
    Good Luck!

    Like

  5. We once stopped at a gas station and there were a couple tractors getting gas, which I thought was strange. Living in the Midwest, I thought why would they be going to a gas station? Shouldn’t they have gas at their farms for them? Too much thinking, moving on. On another note, there’s something big on Interstate 80 in Iowa, the Worlds Largest Truck Stop. Don’t know how that compares to the gas station but I’ve been driving by this stop for years.

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