Letting the Cat out of the Bitter Bag

/ bensbitterblog

 

First of all, I know talking about pets is a sensitive subject, which is why I plan on talking about it. I know some people’s life depend on their pets, maybe because they are a crazy cat lady, or because their dog cares about them way too much, but this rhinoceros pet owning is getting a little out of hand. I mean seriously, stop with all the mounds of poop left of my lawn and getting spiked by his stupid horn when I’m trying to get my paper in the morning (just kidding, I get the internet in the morning).

Rhinos can be kind of annoying pets.

It was bad enough when I had to deal with all the birds lounging around on his back, but really it has to stop when it comes to him thinking he can just chill in my above ground pool like it is his marshy swamp. Speaking of Rhinoceros, where did the expression for letting the cat out of the bag come from?

Who was just chilling in their shack in the middle ages, wandering the stony streets, dragging their cat around in a bag? Were they trying to bring their cat to the market and sell it for a haypenny or two? What must that struggle have been like if it was a burlap sack that had plentiful holes in it, and the cat had plentiful nails? Why wouldn’t you let that cat out of the bag when it was screeching and scratching and giving you nothing but trouble?

Anyway, I have quite a cat in the bag that I need to tell everyone about, but I’m not quite ready to do that. Either I tell it and I get jinxed or something else happens that makes the story not complete. Or I find a way to screw this up and it goes completely sideways and it becomes a different story.

I assume you are interested in the story because you have read this far. Since I have no story to tell yet, I thought I would just entice you. Interested yet? Good. Now I shall subtly change the subject.

How about those sports? Pretty interesting huh? Oh and politics right? What about that entertainment bit of news? What else is there to talk about with people again? History? Science? Crime scenes? Alright, one of those things should have distracted you by now.

While you are distracted, I am going to go over here.

Sneak, sneak, sneak…

Sneak, sneak, sneak..

Anyways, so that is it. I have a story that will wait for another day.

Now it is your turn. What cat do you need to let out of the bag? What is your favorite story about annoying animals in the neighborhood? What is your favorite way to distract people?

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Cat out of the Bag Ben

36 thoughts on “Letting the Cat out of the Bitter Bag”

  1. I ❤ pets! 🙂 I've had my dog Cooper for almost 9 years now. He's THE BEST! I won't gush on about him here because then my comment would be longer than your post. 😛

    Ha! One time I was sitting on my porch and saw a man walking down the street. He let his dog poop on the sidewalk in front of a neighbor's yard and didn't pick it up. BUTT, when he and his dog came back around about 20+ minutes later he accidentally stepped in his own dog's poop and then got mad. Ha! 😀

    I like to be silly to distract people. Also, other ways, too. AND I like to change the subject on people. That can be fun. Only those who know me well will pick up on the fact that I just changed the subject. They usually call me on it, too. 🙂

    HUGS!!! 😀
    PS…Do let your cat out of the bag when you are ready! 😛
    PSS…I love the Ace Ventura movies.

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    • That is the best karma I’ve ever heard. I wish I could have been there, so I could have laughed at that guy so hard.
      Yes, the Ace Ventura movies have loads of line that I still quote to this day. My kids have no idea what I am talking about and it is great.

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  4. No pets but . . . My 11 yo son and I found a mouse trapped at the bottom of a bucket, that was slowly filling with rainwater. Being the animal lovers we are, took bucket and mouse to a nearby park. Tipped the mouse out onto the grass. Not believing its newfound freedom, it sort of scampered about confusedly. It then made a beeline for a thicker patch of grass when, out of nowhere, a crow swooped down and snatched it up, and became lunch. The episode messed us both up. Circle of life.

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    • Ha. Well, survival of the fittest I guess. Except us humans who just like to eat too much, get rich and overweight and somehow still come out on top.
      We used to get mice all the time in our house so we weren’t so nice as you. We just got them in our traps because they were invading our house.

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  5. I have a cat, Freja, but I have more chances to win the Powerball jackpot than getting her in any kind of bag… Hey! Have you ever watch The Truman Show, with Jim Carrey? Did you know Jim Carrey is Canadian? Did you know I am too? Well, anyway… In the movie Carrey is the main character of a tv reality show that has been been going on since his birth without him being aware of it… Here”s the trailer, you can thank me later, or not!

    Now, this movie made me completely paranoiac, and at times in my life I wonder if I am being filmed, and if people I meet are just chance encounters, or if everything has been planned by a director somewhere…

    Why am I talking about this…? Oh Yeah, Freja! She is the bitterest thing walking this earth on all fours (I’m leaving the 2 legged gold medal to you). I mean Grumpy Cat looks like a farce in comparison. I mean, I can’t even pick her up to help her get to her favorite plating of food, without getting profusely growled and hissed at. And I am one sweet person! And I don’t even talk to her with a high pitched voice… I know cats hate that….

    Ok, I did lose my point I think… Meh!

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    • I like the sound of a bitter cat…as long as I don’t own it. I love to laugh at those bitter faced cats and them interacting with their subjects and them pooh poohing their food until it is just right.
      As far as Truman show, of course I’ve seen it. I’m a Jim Carrey’s like 10th biggest fan. I also think camera’s are following us, but more like the Office. Every time I hear someone say something really stupid, I look at the camera like Jim and shake my head.

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  6. I’ve always like the explanation that shady characters put a cat in a bag, took it to the market, and claimed to be selling a piglet. Cats costing pretty much nothing in those days, it was a profitable scam…as long as no one opened the bag to check. As for the ha’penny, in Elizabethan times you could buy more than a pint of beer for that much money. Such wealth!
    ( http://internetshakespeare.uvic.ca/Library/SLT/society/city%20life/cost.html )

    Nice try with the “distraction” techniques, which we all know are blatant teasers. Now we readers have to practice that vile vice – patience!

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