It’s another Friday and I’m sure you all have some great expectations about what you are going to do this weekend. Maybe you will go to the beach, see a new movie, or go camping. Before you go and get all excited about your weekend and all your high expectations for it, let me go ahead and be the Rain to your Parade. If you go to the beach, it will be too crowded and you will get a sunburn. If you go the movies, the theater will be too crowded, the popcorn have bitter butter on it, and the movie will be so bad it wouldn’t have made it onto the Lifetime Network. If you go camping, well you are crazy. Why would anyone ever do that? There will be lots of dirt, rain and lots of wolves that will eat your undercooked waffles. You will lose your compass and get lost in the woods until 1 am Monday morning, in just enough time to make it work to be exhausted all day Monday since you are out of vacation and sick days. If you think you have more fun ideas for the weekend, feel free to call me and I will be glad to rain on your parade. Like thus:
Think your favorite sports team is going to win?
Think again.
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO EAT?
In an hour, or six.
Can I have the last piece of pizza?
Not gonna happen.
Hey, don’t flip out…
…but you aren’t graduating.
Let’s begin the weekend…
…flat on our faces.
I know, let’s go waterskiing…
…or ruin your motorcycling.
How about we just go toss around a ball…
…or use one to meet a wall.
Alright, we just made some cookies…
…did anyone bring some milk?
Should we go to the amusement park and ride the grown up rides…
…or should we be weiners and stick with the kid rides?
Make sure you leap before you look….
…and always make sure you forget your parachute.
Before you make your move…
…make sure you eat some garlice and onions.
And most important of all, before you leave make sure you go to the ATM…
…and get some Bitter Benjamins.
Alright, your Friday has been ruined. Just make sure when you come in on Monday you are bitter about your weekened and the cycle continues. If you need help, you can always come to me for advice on how to ruin each and every day, not just your weekends. You’re welcome.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Parade Rainer Ben